California Custody and Divorce

What are the grounds for divorce in California?

2010-08-12T16:40:00.000-07:00

A California divorce is officially called a dissolution of marriage. Under California divorce law, the court declares the matrimonial contract broken. Historically, divorces could only be granted within specific parameters such as adultery and mental cruelty. However since the application of statute no. 2310 in 1970, those limitations have been removed.

Today, a divorce in California is granted on the grounds of "irreconcilable differences." Irreconcilable differences are any grounds that the court determines to be substantial reasons for the marriage not to continue. California was also the first state to implement the concept of a "no-fault divorce." Under this California divorce law, if a married person wishes to divorce, he/she can do so, even if the other person disagrees. Another statute related to irreconcilable differences is statute no. 2334, where if it appears that there is a reasonable possibility of a reconciliation, the court will continue the divorce proceeding for up to 30 days. After the continuance ends, the court may enter a judgment of divorce on the motion of either spouse.

Finally, a marriage may be dissolved on the grounds of incurable insanity under California divorce law -- but only if the husband or wife can prove by competent medical or psychiatric testimony that the insane spouse was incurably insane at the time of the marriage.

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Stop parental alienation by separating fact from opinion when discussing your ex with the children

2010-08-12T16:36:00.000-07:00

When people are in conflict, it is easy to get into the blame game, to feel superior, and see oneself as a victim. Unfortunately, far too many parents lack boundary control. They share their feelings of misery and anger with their children. But when one parent speaks poorly about the other to their child and encourages the child to believe that the target parent is less worthy and less important, Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) can occur. For your children, the results can be tragic.

You may think that your ex is the lowest, most vile, bottom dwelling snake in the swamp. But no matter how you feel about ex, you must reach deep into your character and be disciplined enough to behave responsibly and act according to what is best for your child. There is a big difference between fact and opinion. Facts are true. There is evidence or proof of what happened. Opinions are feelings. They're a spin that someone puts on facts. There is no proof that your ex actually is the lowest, most vile bottom dwelling snake in the swamp. This is an opinion. Proof would be something that is documented.

You may be profoundly disappointed that things didn't work out in your marriage. You may feel superior in the situation; nevertheless, this is the person that you chose to be your child's parent. Accept responsibility for that. Take the high road, get a grip, and filter out what is helpful from what is damaging to say to your children. Use discretion in the facts you share with your children. Let your child make up his or her own mind.
Jayne A. Major

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Direct Examination of the Business Evaluation Expert

2010-08-12T16:32:00.000-07:00

Skillful, seamless direct examinations are crafted by careful planning and attention to detail. Preparing the direct examination of a business valuation expert requires even more attention to details than most other examinations, as well as some knowledge, if possible, of the audience to whom you are presenting the evidence. How well does the judge comprehend accounting, finance and valuation principles? Where are the weaknesses in the positions being advanced? Upon what areas will your opponent focus the attack? The attorney must consider all of these factors when constructing the expert's examination.

When preparing the direct, consider whether there is any risk associated with your expert's credentials or ability to be accepted as an expert. Has the expert strayed from his or her field of expertise? Such examples may be the business appraiser who offers an opinion on compensation issues; the value of equipment; or even the fair square footage rental rates in a certain community, any or all of which may be outside of that expert's true field of expertise. If the expert is demonstrated to be lacking in the specialized knowledge required to formulate such opinions, you may find your expert's testimony is limited, stricken or excluded.
Joy Feinberg

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

The Cash Business in Divorce

2010-08-12T16:29:00.000-07:00

If you are getting a divorce and your spouse has a closely held business that receives a significant amount of revenues in cash, you should be concerned about cash taken out of the business that is not reported. What can be done to account for this missing income, especially if your spouse is less than co-operative in revealing this information?

Here are some points to think about:
The key is to get a business valuation expert who is experienced with these types of cases, doesn't mind rolling up his/her sleeves, and has experience in forensic accounting. Also keep in mind that the cost of this type of assignment is usually much greater than just a straight-forward business valuation.This means you need to budget for this additional cost, and you need to do a realistic assessment of the cost versus the anticipated benefit.This can sometimes be difficult, as you may not know the extent of the unreported income (if any) until your forensic analysis is well under way. My advice is to plan the investigative process in phases so that you, your attorney and forensic / valuation expert can meet to review the preliminary findings and discuss the direction and extent of future work.

Being involved in your case is very important, especially if you have previously been involved with the business and are familiar with its operations and procedures. Even if you have not been involved in the business operations, it is important for your valuation expert to gain an understanding of how you lived and socialized during the marriage, as this information can be used to determine if the reported income is reasonable. For example, if your spouse alleges that he or she only receives $100,000 per year from the business, but your life style requires $350,000 per year to support, this would raise the possibility of unreported cash income, absent any other sources of funds.
Bruce Richman

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Interest Paid to your Ex is Deductible

2010-08-12T16:28:00.000-07:00

When couples divorce, their property is generally split equally between them. But often, the couple has a balance sheet that doesn’t easily divide. If one spouse wants to keep more assets than the other, and has no source of funds to equalize the division, he will give his spouse a promissory for the difference. The note is for the amount of the amount needed to equalize the division of property, and usually provides for payments of principal plus interest at a reasonable rate.

A recent court case clearly has established that the interest paid to the ex-spouse is taxable to her, even though the principal on the note is exempt from tax as a transfer incident to divorce (Gibbs, TC Memo 1997-196). So if the recipient has to pay tax on the interest, the paying spouse should receive a corresponding deduction on his income tax return, right? Not necessarily. Until recently, the IRS has ruled that divorce-related interest is non-deductible personal interest, and has disallowed any deduction for it.

Several court cases have sided with the taxpayer and against the IRS. John Seymour gave his wife Katherine a promissory note for $625,000 in exchange for her interest in their business and marital residence. The note was payable over ten years with 10% interest per year. The note was secured by a mortgage on the residence.
Ginita Wall

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Your Children Are Worth More Under New Tax Laws

2010-08-12T16:26:00.000-07:00

Your precious darlings are now worth a bit more to you. Since 1998 you can claim a child tax credit of $400 for each child under 17, increasing to $500 in 1999. The credit applies to your children, grandchildren, step children and foster children.

The credit begins to disappear once you income exceeds $75,000 ($110,000 on a joint return), and it is eliminated when your income exceeds $84,000 ($119,000 on a joint return).

Divorce Planning Tips for the child tax credit:
*
The child tax credit is available only if you claim the exemption for the child. Thus, the exemption is worth $500 a year more as a bargaining chip in divorce negotiations.
*
Divorcing parents should pay special attention to the phase-out rules. If one parent's income is over $75,000, he won't enjoy the full child tax credit. Thus, it may save income taxes to award the exemption to the lower-earning spouse.

here are three new tax-saving schemes for those paying education expenses for themselves or their children.

Educational IRAs. Parents can now contribute up to $500 a year to educational IRAs for children under 18. No deduction allowed for the contribution, but the IRA earnings are tax-free if used for higher education. Contributions for each child are limited to $500 a year, and only parents with income of $95,000 or less ($150,000 on a joint return) may make the full contribution. If both parents qualify, divorced parents will have to agree whether each parent will contribute $250, or one parent will contribute the full $500.
Ginita Wall

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

IRS Declares Spouses More Innocent Than Before

2010-08-12T16:23:00.000-07:00

The innocent spouse rules have been liberalized in new tax legislation, making it easier for spouses to qualify for tax relief. In addition, the legislation allows a spouse to limit her liability on a joint return to her separate liability. This is a boon to separated spouses who continue to file joint returns with their spouses, and it offers greater protection to divorced spouses who face liability for taxes on returns they jointly filed during marriage.

The innocent spouse provisions provide tax relief to a spouse who jointly files with her husband (or vice versa) if there was a tax understatement attributable to her spouse and she did not know about the understatement when she signed the return, nor did she have reason to know of the tax understatement. If she knew there was an understatement but didn’t realize the extent of the understatement, she may be granted partial relief.

Under new Internal Revenue Code Sec. 6015, a spouse can now elect to limit her liability for unpaid taxes on a joint return to her separate liability amount. That amount is the tax on items that would have been allocated to her had she filed a separate return. There’s one catch though – any item of which the spouse had actual knowledge is allocable to both spouses. The good news is that the IRS must prove that she had knowledge of the misstatement or omission that caused the deficiency.
Ginita Wall

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Reform for the children's sake

2010-07-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

If you have children and are recently divorced, going though a divorce, or even thinking about getting divorced, you need to be aware of a new law that may significantly affect you. Signed into law by President Clinton on August 22, 1996, the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Act contains the most sweeping child support enforcement measures in history -- measures that could, over the next 10 years, increase child support collections by $24-billion.

I was privileged to be present when President Clinton signed this historic bill. Referring to the duty of parents to meet their obligations to their children, he said, "There is no area where we need more personal responsibility than in child support." New requirements and new resources for the program will make it more difficult for parents to evade responsibility for their children.

The magnitude of non-support of children is indicated by recent census bureau data, which revealed that 11.5 million families with children had a parent living out of the home. And of this group, only 6.2 million (54 percent) had awards or agreements for child support. Further, of the total $17.7-billion owed for child support, $5.8-billion was not paid. Among those due support, receipt of payment was inconsistent, with about half receiving the full amount, about a quarter receiving partial payments, and about a quarter receiving nothing.
David Gray Ross

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

When your ex won't pay

2010-07-27T14:12:00.000-07:00

You read about them every day: so-called "Deadbeat Dads and Moms" who refuse to pay child support even though they're living in the lap of luxury. There they are, jetting off to Hawaii again without a thought for their offspring who go to school hungry and in ragged old clothes. But how accurate is this picture?

"The true 'Deadbeat' parent is quite rare," says Nancy Caruso Pascucci, a Chicago mediator, attorney, and an adjunct professor at the DePaul University College of Law. "If the non-custodial parent can't pay, there's usually a good financial reason for it: he or she has lost a job, agreed to more than he or she could really afford to pay in the settlement, or has remarried and has a new family to support."

Pascucci cites the example of one of her clients who -- before he hired her -- agreed to pay 70% of his net earnings to his ex for child support, and now doesn't have enough to live on. This situation is obviously unfair, but it's part of his legal separation agreement and he has to go back to court to try to get it changed. To avoid getting yourself into such a fix, Pascucci advises you to consult an attorney before signing any documents. "Your attorney can go over the ramifications of an agreement before you sign it," she says, "so you'll know exactly what you're agreeing to."
Diana Shepherd

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

How Child Support Is Paid

2010-07-27T14:10:00.000-07:00

There are several ways child support can be paid, and each method has advantages and disadvantages. One parent can directly pay the other by cash, check, or money order. This person-to-person method is simple and does not require waiting for any processing time by the state. The receiving parent must keep records and track the payments. Enforcement is more difficult and is not as automatic. If you agree to this type of payment, it is wise to include a provision that if payment is missed for a certain number of months, wage garnishment (see below) will be set up automatically.

Wage garnishment is another method of payment. Child support is deducted from the paying spouse's paycheck and sent either to the receiving spouse or to the state Child Support Enforcement Agency. Garnishment requires an extra step of formally notifying the paying parent's employer and setting a court date for the garnishment order. The parent receiving the support must handle all of the paperwork. The employer is legally obligated to withhold the support from the paycheck. The advantage of this method is that payment is made automatically. There are several disadvantages. First of all, the paying parent is likely to find it embarrassing, which might escalate hostilities between you. Second, there are limits to how much can be garnished from wages, so you may not be able to get the entire support amount this way. If your spouse is self-employed, you cannot garnish the wages. You also cannot prevent the paying spouse from quitting his job, which then puts you in the position of having to do more legwork to find the new employer and garnish again.
Brette McWhorter Sember

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Using special masters to resolve post-divorce conflicts

2010-07-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

This new role, recently introduced in Southern California, provides a useful alternative to other dispute resolution mechanisms for chronically conflicted divorced parents, particularly those who repeatedly look to the courts to resolve relatively minor issues in the family. It is also useful when one or both parents have significant psychopathology, when there are children with special needs. or children who are infants and toddlers in which significant negotiation needs to occur to coordinate parenting of their development. A big impetus to the establishment of this role was provided by a training session given by Dr. Joan Kelly in the fall of 1997, co-sponsored by the Divorce and Family Therapy Specialists, L.A. County Bar Family Law Section, and Cedars-Sinai Hospital. The participants in this seminar were surveyed after the seminar about their opinions and the results of this survey will be described later in this article.

What is a Child Custody Special Master?

It is a hybrid role involving aspects of a mediator, an arbitrator, a parent educator (particularly about developmental psychology), and a child custody evaluator. A Special Master's job is to resolve problems quickly by mediation where appropriate or by making decisions for the family where the parents cannot come to a decision, using quasi-judicial authority stipulated to by the parents in advance. Sometimes, the Special Master will focus the parents on their children's needs and educate them about developmental and psychological issues. The Special Master may issue written or oral decisions: a summer schedule might be written whereas the resolution of a weekend crisis by telephone may be done orally. Special Masters can be either mental health professionals or attorneys but, most importantly, they must be knowledgeable and have relevant experience.
Angus Strachan

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Who Decides: You or the Judge?

2010-07-22T14:37:00.000-07:00

You and your spouse should be able to resolve the issues of custody and visitation privately or through mediation or collaborative programs. But if you can't reach an agreement on your own or through one of these resources, the only alternative is to have a judge make the decisions for you.

The judge is given one test to apply: What is in the best interest of the child? The best interests of the parents are irrelevant.

Take the case of a mother who has primary custody of a child and plans to remarry a man who lives 1,000 miles away. She wants to take the child and move to be with her new husband. The child's father protests that his weekend visits with the child would be impossible. If the move is allowed, the child will have to change schools, lose friends, and see the father only irregularly. Situations like this have become more frequent in recent years as our society becomes more mobile and employers transfer their employees around the world.

I have decided many cases with similar themes, some for the parent who moved, some for the stay-at-home parent. In one case in which I denied a move similar to the situation described above, the mother canceled the wedding to avoid losing substantial time with her child.

Be aware that when you take child issues to court, you are turning over complete control of major elements of their future to a judge who doesn't know you or your children. In most cases, the judge has had little or no training in child development or psychology.
Judge Roderic Duncan

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Mediation Combination

2010-07-22T14:30:00.000-07:00

Mediators can also be attorneys, therapists, or even accountants. Which combination is right for you?

You may have heard about some of the possible benefits of mediation: it can be easier on the kids and the pocket book, reduces conflict, is faster than bitter litigation, teaches more effective communication and parenting, creates more control of the process, and encourages self-generated solutions. But did you know that two mediators can be different as apples and avocados -- that their professional training and experience as well as personal style and beliefs can make them just-right or all-wrong for you? In general, most mediators have professional training and accreditation in either legal or therapeutic areas: lawyers, therapists, social workers, and clergy. Mediators with financial training -- such as accountants or financial planners -- are also becoming more common.

Here are a few examples of the possible combinations:

Attorney-Mediator: Choosing a mediator who is also an attorney or who has a legal background can be very beneficial in divorce cases. "An attorney would be able to advise clients about the law and what would happen if they went to court," says Genell Greenberg, an attorney-mediator practicing in San Diego. "In mediation, he or she is in a situation to guide the parties into equally informed decisions. Most people need to know what their legal rights are, and they should be knowledgeable about what would happen in certain situations. Whether or not they choose to do what the law provides is up to them, but they at least will have that information."
Diana Shepherd

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

What to Expect at a Deposition

2010-07-22T14:27:00.001-07:00

Most people getting divorced never had a deposition taken before. There is not enough room here to adequately describe how one should handle oneself at a deposition. However, I thought it might be helpful to just list some of the areas of questions that you might be asked in any particular case. These are only for purposes of illustration.

You should definitely -- well in advance of your deposition -- meet with your lawyer and ask what kinds of questions you will be asked. It will, of course, be impossible for your lawyer to adequately predict all of the questions, or even all of the areas, although the more experience such a lawyer has in the field, the better he or she can answer you.

•State your name and address.
•List all residences since this suit was filed.
•Date of birth.
•Are you the respondent in this case?
•Do you understand the oath you just took? You understand you must tell the truth?
•Are you currently under any medication that would affect your ability to answer my questions?
•Are you in good health?
•With whom do you reside?
Paul L. Feinstein, Esq.

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Contemplating Divorce

2010-07-22T14:24:00.000-07:00

Contemplating divorce, or going through a divorce, is one of life's most stressful events. Unfortunately, more than one-half of married couples will experience it. Due to the high rates of divorce, almost everyone going through it knows someone who has been divorced.

If you're in this situation, you might be tempted to ask friends, relatives, co-workers and others for advice and information -- but don't. Ask for comfort and support from this group, and get legal advice from your attorney.

A divorce case is complex. Clients often feel anxious because they don't have answers to many of their questions. Even though your case and a friend's divorce may appear similar, they're likely different.

Family law cases are fact driven. Differences in the facts of one case and another will lead to different legal strategies and results. That's why the best person to seek legal advice from is your attorney.
Michael C. Craven

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

In Divorce, Timing Is Everything

2010-07-22T14:22:00.000-07:00

On March 18, 2010, shortly after divorcing his wife of 16 years Kevin Halstead won $3.8 million in the lottery. Halstead, a London bus driver, told the Daily Mail: "We divorced three months ago and split up about 13 years ago but we stayed friends - we did not get a divorce back then for the sake of our Jessica."

Since the Halstead's divorce was final prior to Halstead's windfall, here are some questions that may arise. The answers to these questions will depend on how carefully Kevin's lawyers prepared his divorce agreement.

•Will the ex-wife fight for some of the winnings?
•Is Kevin's windfall a basis for the ex-wife to increase her settlement?
•Will Kevin have to pay alimony?
•Will she try to remarry him?
Incidents like this demonstrate why details matter so much in divorce agreements. According to Illinois law, the winnings would be Kevin's sole property since they were won after the divorce. However, had the Halsteads stayed separated and never divorced, the wife would be entitled to share in the winnings. If he purchased the ticket before the divorce was final but cashed it in after the divorce, the answer would be different.

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Forgive him... for now

2010-07-20T16:59:00.000-07:00

I am deeply sorry that I did not live up to my expectations," a seemingly regretful Eliot Spitzer said as he resigned the office of Governor of New York. As with any man caught with his pants down, there is always remorse, deep regret, and the inevitable begging for forgiveness.

Whether your spouse spent thousands on a high-priced call-girl (or call-boy) or had your simple run-of-the-mill affair, he broke his vow of marriage to you, so you'll want a divorce, now. Right?

Not so fast.

Regardless of how horrible his actions were, if you overreact, he may lash out in kind. That sad puppy can change instantly into an attack dog. He's hoping for forgiveness, so he's likely to act out if he feels he's being punished or chastised. Despite his feelings of guilt, demanding a divorce may force him to deceive you, withhold money and important financial information, make threats, or refuse to negotiate. He's desperate and will do anything to regain control.

I'm not suggesting you embrace your man with hugs and kisses. Rather, I suggest you remain aloof: appear to need time to heal. Then, once you are sure that divorce is the right path to take, remember the Girl Scout credo: "Always be prepared." In short, make a plan. Then keep it to yourself.

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Health/Well Being Article

2010-07-20T16:58:00.001-07:00

Many of us bristle when we hear "conflict." Some people thrive on it, but most of us take detours to avoid it. Why do we do this? If we had techniques to help us deal with conflict, perhaps we'd be better equipped to compromise while being true to our position.

One of my clients is dealing with a difficult situation and struggling to find a way to resolve the conflict within her before it destroys her marriage. Lilly is a hard-driving attorney with a successful practice. Her husband, David, is an equally successful writer who is struggling to find his voice. He is a little burned out, and he's decided that he needs to take some time to regenerate. In his fantasy world, Lilly would take time out from her career, and together, they would find some time to enjoy life again.

Unfortunately, Lilly isn't on David's time frame. She's at a crucial point in her career, and she believes that it is very important to stay on track. She understands David's need to recharge, and she has given him permission to take a time out. The problem is that David is beginning to feel hurt because Lilly works at least 12 hours a day. He's tried to be rational, but it hasn't worked. He resents Lilly for paying attention to her career, and, in his mind, deserting their relationship for the sake of her profession.

Lilly senses David's resentment, and she is beginning to feel the stress of trying to appease him while continuing to manage her overloaded work schedule.

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

How to Handle Your Emotions during Divorce

2010-07-20T16:55:00.000-07:00

Divorce brings out the lunatic within us. Rage, anger, depression, sadness, resentment, and blame are just some of negative emotions running the show. Your emotional state is hard to pin down from one moment to the next. This is not the best state of mind to be in when you are being called upon to handle so many things and make so many very important choices and decisions. We need to tame the gremlin (that negative mind chatter within), learn to be less reactive, and be more in control of our emotional state in order to effectively handle our divorce. The good news is that there are many tools and skills you can access to help you through this difficult life transition.

Learn to recognize your "danger zone". Your danger zone is that place where you are prone to reactive behavior and emotional upsets. Once you begin really tuning into your body's cues, you will recognize this place and can take action to not go there. I am alerted to my danger zone when my stomach tightens, my heart races, my neck tenses, and my breathing becomes shallow. There is a fluttering sensation throughout my body. I know I am becoming emotionally reactive and I may soon say or do things that I will regret. I know that if I allow my emotions to take over and go reactive in my response to the situation, I will not be making any conscious decisions as to my actions. Trouble is around the corner!

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Meditate away your stress

2010-07-20T16:48:00.000-07:00

The practice of meditation offers peace, serenity, and calm -- a welcome respite from the turbulent emotions of divorce.

How do you beat divorce-related-stress? Many people try "treat" behaviors: smoking, drinking, taking drugs (prescription or "recreational"), eating a carton of chocolate ice-cream -- whatever gives them feelings of pleasure and well-being. Unfortunately, all of these are band-aid solutions: they temporarily ameliorate some of the symptoms without addressing the root of the problem.

Here's a better solution: consider practicing meditation on a regular basis (daily is best). Anyone can practice meditation; you don't have to be on a path to spiritual enlightenment or have any religious beliefs. "Thinking you're unable to meditate is a little like thinking you are unable to breathe, or to concentrate or relax," notes scientist, writer, and meditation teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D. in Everywhere You Go, There You Are. "Pretty much everybody can breathe easily. And under the right circumstances, pretty much anybody can concentrate, anybody can relax."

There are as many types of meditation as there are colors in a rainbow. You can meditate while seated, standing, lying down, dancing, singing, eyes open or shut, listening to music, brushing your teeth, eating -- the list goes on.

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Divorce Schemes & Power Games

2010-07-20T16:42:00.000-07:00

Divorce can be a dirty business when in the hands of lawyers who play power games to gain an unfair advantage over the other side. The same applies for angry, vindictive soon-to-be ex-spouses who have a "win at all costs" attitude. If this happens in your divorce, there are few things that you can do to control the other side, but there are several things you can do to prepare and manage the divorce.

The first thing to do is recognize a scheme and power play when you see it. The second thing is to not lose your cool and try to fight fire with fire. It will only cause things to escalate and your entire family will suffer. The final step is to think ahead and plan positive steps to counter your spouse's power game. Get outside help if necessary.

The following list has descriptions and examples of some of those nasty tricks lawyers and their clients will sometimes pull. If your lawyer recommends that you do this, he or she is setting you up to take unfair advantage of your soon-to-be ex-spouse. If you do these things, don't be surprised if your actions come back to haunt you after the divorce!

*Take the money out of jointly held bank accounts, put it all into an account in your name alone and don't tell your spouse about it beforehand. Then let your spouse handle the problems associated with covering the bounced checks. This causes the most confusion and distress if your spouse usually writes the checks to pay the household bills.
Laura Johnson

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Tax Tips for Non-custodial Parents

2010-07-20T16:40:00.000-07:00

The parent with physical custody of a child, whether during a separation or after a divorce, has a superior right over that of the non-custodial parent to allowed child tax benefits. Once the divorce decree is entered, some of those benefits could be transferred from the custodial to the non-custodial parent, but only if the decree or separation agreement provides for it or the custodial parent agrees to waive the benefit.

Parents with a joint or shared custody agreement need to be aware of the child-related tax benefits and handle the issue of which parent gets to take them in their parenting agreement. The time for parents, especially a non-custodial parent, to deal with these tax issues is before a divorce agreement is signed or a court order entered. Below is a brief explanation of the child-related tax issues.
Dependent Exemption

When you think about taxes and kids, the tax benefit most people think of first is the dependent deduction. This deduction always goes to the custodial parent, as defined by the I.R.S., who receives the right to take certain allowed income adjustments, itemized deductions, non-refundable tax credits and refundable tax credits. The non-custodial parent only receives the right to claim certain itemized deductions associated with the child. In 2002 a dependent exemption will reduce your taxable income by $3,000, which is reduced for higher income earners.
Income Adjustment

New for 2002 is the right of a parent to claim an adjustment to gross income of up to $3,000 for qualifying educational expenses for a dependent child attending a qualifying post-secondary school. A choice must be made between taking an adjustment to income or an education tax credit.
Laura Johnson

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Marital Torts, The New Way to Handle Fault in a Divorce?

2010-07-20T15:12:00.000-07:00

According to a legal dictionary, a tort is a private or civil wrong or injury that results "from a breach of a legal duty that exists by society's expectations regarding interpersonal conduct, rather than by a contract or other private relationship."

Every lawsuit has something called elements that must be present to sustain a cause of action. In a tort action, the following elements must be present:

*there must be a legal duty owed by a defendant to a plaintiff, and

*breach of that duty, and

*a causal relation between the defendant's conduct and the resulting damage to the plaintiff.

A marital tort comes from incidents or behaviors that occurred between spouses, and sometimes third parties, during the marriage, even during the pendency of a divorce suit and possibly afterward in certain circumstances.

Some examples of a suit that could be brought as a marital tort action are:

*assault and battery

*rape

*spoliation of evidence, negligent and/or intentional

*infliction of emotional distress, negligent and/or intentional

*transmission of a venereal disease

*interference with custody

*harassment

*fraud

*invasion of privacy, wiretap

*false imprisonment

*conversion

Ex-spouses aren't the only people at risk of being a party to a marital tort action. For example, if the underlying tort is fraud or spoliation of evidence for hiding assets, lying about the value of assets, or transferring assets to deprive a spouse from having the asset included in the marital or community estate during a dissolution of marriage, anyone who assisted in the wrongful activity is at risk. It could be an accountant, a bookkeeper, a lawyer, a stockbroker, a family member or a friend.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Recognizing Abuse in A Legal Divorce

2010-07-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

Abuse isn't limited to acts of physical battery and domestic violence. It can be emotional or psychological, too. The methods used by an abuser can be very subtle or extremely direct. Abusers can be male, female and even children.

When a divorce involves the ending of a marriage in which abuse is a facet of the family dynamics, divorce lawyers and judges have difficulty in knowing just how to deal with it, unless it is physical abuse or the threat of physical abuse that puts a spouse or child in immediate danger or fear of harm. There is legal authority for how they must deal with domestic violence, physical abuse, harassment or stalking that puts a person in fear of his or her safety.

Their difficulty arises, not from a failure to acknowledge and appreciate that an act of emotional or psychological abuse or an isolated act of physical abuse has occurred, but from several other factors. First and foremost is that divorce lawyers and family court judges must build a protective shell around their emotions and mind to enable them to do their jobs. Without the shell, they are too emotionally involved and their logical thought processes are hindered. They have to be very pragmatic and realistic about what effect, if any, the abuse might have on the final outcome of a divorce. The shell is also necessary for the lawyers and judges to maintain their own mental health.

I have heard judges and lawyers alike make the statement, "My job isn't to counsel this couple on how to get along or on what went wrong in their marriage. My job is to get them legally divorced, split their assets and debts, get the children taken care of, and provide a number for support."
by Laura Johnson

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Twenty Five Tips for Parents Whose Children Are Getting A Divorce

2010-07-20T15:07:00.000-07:00

Here are some do's, don'ts, and tips to help you handle things when your son or your daughter says, "Mom and Dad, I'm getting a divorce."

1.Don't become personally involved in your child's divorce.

2.Don't ask your friend, the lawyer, to represent your son or daughter.

3.Don't go to meetings between your son or your daughter and his or her lawyer.

4.Don't let your son's or daughter's divorce affect your relationship with your other children.

5.Don't interfere with your son-in-law's or daughter-in-law's visitation rights with your grandchildren.

6.Don't say bad or derogatory things about your child's spouse in front of your grandchildren.

7.Control your protective instincts and avoid becoming caught up in the nastiness of the "he said—she said" side of divorce. Recognize that divorce and family break ups are highly charged emotional events and can easily erupt into violent situations. Take precautions to protect your family's safety.

8.Do listen to your son or daughter if he or she confides in you about the break up of the marriage; be supportive, but don't say things that will fuel feelings of anger, distrust, anxiety, or hopelessness.

9.Don't help your child hide money or assets. If you're caught, in addition to becoming a party to your child's divorce or a legal action after the divorce, you could jeopardize your own assets.

10.Do pay extra attention to your grandchildren. Their mom and dad may become so caught up in their own feelings about the divorce, that they will unintentionally fail to spend enough time listening to and doing things with their children.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Summer Visitation Tips for Divorced Parents

2010-07-16T11:42:00.000-07:00

School's out, and summer visitation with the non-custodial parent means a change in your children's normal routine. You can ease the transition and make things go smoother by using some of the following tips:

Many children spend large chunks of time with their non-custodial parent over the summer. Whether your child is going across town to spend a few weeks with your ex, traveling to another state for visitation, or is packing up to go away on a big trip with your ex, preparing for and adjusting to the absence can be very difficult.

When your child is preparing to go away for summer visitation, do some advance planning that will help you feel comfortable with the vacation or the trip. Find out where your child is going and get the contact information. Ask questions so you know what the plan is. If your child will be traveling, get the details of the itinerary. Make sure your ex understands your child's capabilities when it comes to swimming, hiking, or other activities. If your child is going to another state to stay with your ex, find out who will provide child care while your ex is at work.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Dealing With Controlling Behavior After You Leave

2010-07-16T11:40:00.000-07:00

One of the hardest things about leaving abuse is that the controlling behavior may continue, even after you're out of the house. Even if you get a divorce, the games may continue. It's not easy to deal with, but the following article can give you insights to why it happens and tips on how to deal with it.

We have been through all the hurtful, horrible things our abusers have done to us. Possibly our children, too. We reached our limit, said ENOUGH and got out. This is wonderful, FREEDOM feels Great. Then the "new" set of games begin. These can be every bit as confusing and hard to deal with, especially when we are a bundle of emotions and trying to heal, to start with.

Once we leave, our abusers will do whatever they can think of, to try to gain back some control over us. They NEED a victim. They need someone to have power over and they will sink to any level to try to continue to hurt us, or promise us anything to get us back.

Let's start with them trying to get us back. In their minds we are their belongings, they don't want to admit when it is over, they don't want to feel they lost us. They are so sure of their power over us, they feel if they can say and do everything we want to hear and see, we will go back to them. Sadly enough, this often works.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

When Words Hurt

2010-07-16T11:38:00.001-07:00

Do words hurt? It depends on who you are asking; the person hearing the words, or the one saying those words. The perpetrator may say that "It's just words" or "I really didn't mean it", but the damage has already been done.

Continued over time, the words begin to sink in and wear away at a woman's self-worth. She may begin to believe what is being said, not realizing that it is a distorted version of reality. Unfortunately, many women enduring verbal abuse don't even consider leaving or getting a divorce until things turn physical. To help you understand the damage that words can inflict, the article below discusses the similarities between verbal and physical abuse.

Have you ever been told by someone that you love or by someone of higher authority that words don't hurt? Have you been told that as long as you are not being hit, that it is ok to be abused?

Well think again because "ABUSE" is abuse whether it is done physical, emotional or both and it affects women's health just the same because both can leave lifetime scars that will and can hurt you in both your personal and professional life. The old myth has always been, if you are being physically abused to get out while those who were being emotionally abused were seemed to be told nothing! Is it a fact that words don't hurt?

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Questions About Restraining Orders

2010-07-16T11:37:00.000-07:00

Restraining Orders (or Orders of Protection) are court orders designed to stop harassing behavior.
These orders establish limits on the conduct of the person that they are filed against, such as limiting contact, vacating the home, and establishing visitation rights. If you feel that you are in danger from your spouse, you can get the forms to file an order of protection at your local courthouse. There is usually no cost to file a restraining order, and the judge will usually issue the order within a day or two.

When used properly, orders of protection can help establish boundaries in a violent situation. To help you understand more about the issues that may come up with such orders, read the following questions and answers from the legal expert.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

When Facing Separation or Divorce, Be Prepared to Negotiate

2010-07-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

When considering how to split everything up, these divorce settlement negotiation strategies and considerations can help you get the most fair and equitable outcome from your divorce.

Maintaining your financial security remains one of the toughest challenges you are likely to encounter when facing separation and divorce. Because most states require that assets be split equitably, not equally, the unfortunate reality is that many divorced women usually end up losing economically. And if you have dependent children, the quality of life for you and your children could be severely compromised.

It is important that prior to your separation and divorce proceedings you, your spouse, your attorneys and financial consultants get together and negotiate the best possible agreement. Following are a few issues to consider.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

MY DIVORCE IS GOING TO COST HOW MUCH?!

2010-07-16T11:25:00.000-07:00

Whatever happened to the $500 Divorce? Well, I can tell you that as our lives grow more complex, so do our divorces. As divorces become more and more complex, they become more and more expensive. So, is there anything we can do to save on legal expenses as we proceed through the minefield of divorce? The answer is a resounding, yes. The key is to know how many issues are out there and how we can resolve them to our satisfaction with the least amount of conflict.

We need to prepare for our divorces at least as much as we planned our weddings. That's right, just as you planned your gown, cake, caterer, church and honeymoon, you need to make a roadmap for your divorce. If you don't you will get lost and it will cost you to find your way home. The purpose of this article is to let you in on all the possible ways to pay for a lawyer. Just knowing these different formats will help you decide which way to go.

Flat Fees:
The first, and best in my opinion, is to pay your lawyer a flat fee for handling your divorce from start to finish. This method is the only way to guarantee how much you will pay your lawyer. The key of course is setting the amount of the flat fee.

I suggest that for every one of the following contested issues, that you be willing to pay a $1000 flat fee: Child Custody, Child Support, Maintenance, Division of Property, and Division of a Retirement Account. Therefore, if you will not be able to agree with your spouse on all five (5) issues, a good flat fee would be $5000; if you just have one contested issue, $1000. If you are lucky enough to have no contested issues, $1000 or less is appropriate.
Craig G. Kallen III, J.D.

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

2010-07-07T14:49:00.000-07:00

Listen. I can’t stop the lies, but I hope to stop the hypocrisy. Liars condemning liars – especially when they bitch to me at cocktail parties – is particularly exhausting.

So let’s throw out a few common issues and attempt to understand why the liar lies.

If you’re a 5’5" guy and 80% of short women won’t even go out with you, you say you’re 5’8" and hope your charm overcomes the lie. It doesn’t, but you hope it does.

If you’re a 175 lb woman, you may call yourself "firm and toned". Yes, "a few extra pounds" or even "large" would be a bit more accurate, but you stick with your description because most guys won’t respond to the truth. When you meet, you try to ignore that disappointed look he gives you, because you’re at least getting your fair shot, right?

And who can blame a young-at-heart 60 year old man or a youthful 40 year old woman for tweaking the truth a tad? They know that due to circumstances beyond their control, they’re off a lot of people’s radars. So they fib a little – or a lot - to remain visible to other online daters out there. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying that it happens.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Best places to meet someone new

2010-07-07T14:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, people are distraught and stunned from their divorce experience, but even more importantly, some feel desperate, so they wind up hanging out at all the wrong places to socialize in the hopes of finding romance once again and soon!

You may have your own list of "best" places to go to find someone new, but in the meantime, consider my suggestions for what I have been told are the best "Top Ten" places to meet that special person. As in other segments in this 16-part series, I have approached it ala David Letterman style, beginning with the tenth item and moving down the list to the very first choice on my list. If you think you are ready to venture out into the world, let this list help guide you:
10. At your best friend's wedding (it doesn't matter how many he/she has had).
9. At the political headquarters of your favorite political candidate.
8. At your local home improvement or hardware store (women can never find what they need so the men cruising the aisles are easy recruits for assistance. Men hardly shop anywhere else).
7. At the studio of your personal trainer.
6. At someone else's office, not yours.
5. On a ski lift.
4. Through a reputable dating service that finds you the perfect match.
3. Self-help seminar for divorcees.
2. Your place of worship.
1. A Sting Concert (people of all ages attend them).
To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

t’s complicated but it is family

2010-07-06T17:00:00.000-07:00

After your parents divorce, holidays can quickly go from the best of times to the worst of times, with the bickering about gifts, the tug-of-war over who gets the kids on Christmas morning, and the battle to establish new family traditions when your family is no longer very traditional. But all that holiday hoopla pales next to the politics of planning a wedding. My younger half brother is quickly learning just how complicated life can become when you bring parents and step parents and ex-stepparents together, even if it’s only for one day.

I consider myself a pioneer in the field of divorce relations. Without a hint that anything was wrong, my parents called my brother and I into the living room one October evening in 1971 to tell us they had decided to separate. I was 11 years old, my brother was 8, and overnight, I become one of only two people in my grade 6 class living with a single parent. I not only felt abandoned by the father I adored, I also felt like an outcast.

My parents were high school sweethearts when my mom found out ‘they had to get married’. I was born just before my mother’s 18th birthday. My dad was in university, working part time to make ends meet.
By Laurie O'Halloran

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Direct Examination of the Business Evaluation Expert

2010-07-06T16:57:00.000-07:00

Skillful, seamless direct examinations are crafted by careful planning and attention to detail. Preparing the direct examination of a business valuation expert requires even more attention to details than most other examinations, as well as some knowledge, if possible, of the audience to whom you are presenting the evidence. How well does the judge comprehend accounting, finance and valuation principles? Where are the weaknesses in the positions being advanced? Upon what areas will your opponent focus the attack? The attorney must consider all of these factors when constructing the expert's examination.

When preparing the direct, consider whether there is any risk associated with your expert's credentials or ability to be accepted as an expert. Has the expert strayed from his or her field of expertise? Such examples may be the business appraiser who offers an opinion on compensation issues; the value of equipment; or even the fair square footage rental rates in a certain community, any or all of which may be outside of that expert's true field of expertise. If the expert is demonstrated to be lacking in the specialized knowledge required to formulate such opinions, you may find your expert's testimony is limited, stricken or excluded.

Consider whether or not the theory of valuation upon which your expert is basing his or her opinion is generally recognized by the valuation community as a valid methodology of determining value. If not, your expert may not survive a Daubert or Free challenge.
By Joy M. Feinberg

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Private Investigators - The Truth Behind the Fiction

2010-07-06T16:53:00.000-07:00

Many people think of various television heroes upon the mention of the words private investigator. Old gum shoes from the 40s and 50s with their feet up on the desk waiting for a damsel in distress to enter their offices.

Over the years, assorted television shows like Magnum P. I., Spencer for Hire, and a string of Sherlock Holmes and other famous detective movies have built an image in the minds of many about what a private investigator is.

The generated fantasies are romantic, thrilling and sometimes violent. The excitement and drama draws us to the show, week after week to see what our hero will do in the next situation. To solve the case.

In real life, however, a private investigator's job is never like the Hollywood versions. Though often exciting, and occasionally scary, a private investigator's job is diverse and sometimes extremely difficult.

Frankly, much of it comes down to extreme dedication and countless hours spent sifting through mountains of documents or late evenings poking through obscure databases, hoping to find that one shred of evidence needed by our current client.
By David Almeida, LPI

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Love and the dotted line

2010-07-06T16:51:00.000-07:00

Most people take marriage seriously, and hold high hopes for their new relationships. Little wonder then that prenuptial agreements aren't high on any betrothed's desirability list. After all, thinking about a prenuptial agreement is often feared akin to planning the end of a relationship before it's even begun. But in these times of soaring divorce rates and uncertain financial stability, it only makes sense that people should be concerned with such practicalities, dreary though they may be. While deciding between a Caribbean or a Mediterranean honeymoon is undoubtedly more pleasurable, if there's any uncertainty about your forthcoming marriage, financial or otherwise, then you should consider creating a prenuptial agreement.

Simply put, a prenuptial (also known as an antenuptial) agreement is a legal agreement signed by you and your future spouse. Normally, they deal with straightforward financial and legal issues in the event of a divorce or a death -- what will be done with the house, any stocks, bonds, or other such marital assets. They might also include some extras like custody arrangements, spousal support, or even what happens to the family pet. According to Lester Wallman, a partner in the Manhattan law firm of Wallman, Greenberg, Gasman and McKnight, and author of Cupid, Couples & Contracts: A Guide to Living Together, Prenuptial Agreements, and Divorce, an agreement can be specifically tailored to the couple's needs and wants.
By Brad Marcoux

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Some Unique Aspects to a Post-Divorce Marriage

2010-07-06T16:49:00.000-07:00

he traditional definition of a "normal" family life cycle is changing in our evolving lifestyles. There are many different styles that achieve a "normal" life for many people. My focus is on the transitional changes for families when a couple's marriage breaks down and the intact, nuclear family life is disorganized. The couple separates and forms a bi-nuclear family. The marriage has terminated, but biological parents are permanent: both parents to their children and children to their parents. A survey in 1990 reported that one out of three children will experience their parental divorce before they are 18 years old.

The separated partners with children have a big adjustment in terms of what responsibility each partner must recognize about their personal share in the marriage breakup. Both parents must get on with their personal and separate lives to reorganize the separate households into bi-nuclear families. Studies indicate that 3/4 of divorced people go into another relationship, either a remarriage or cohabitation, three to five years after the divorce.

With the growing divorce rate and growing post-divorce remarriage, my clinical practice as a marital therapist was changing. Problems were different. The remarriage family is unique. My clients indicated they were unprepared for many of the problems.
By Lillian Messinger

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Breaking the News

2010-07-05T14:59:00.000-07:00

You're getting a divorce. You've talked to your spouse. Now how do you tell your children, friends, and family? Should you tell your co-workers and your boss? Here's how to minimize the damage when you break the news.
There's no question about it: the decision to divorce causes great upheaval. During this difficult time, you'll want and need the support of your family and friends more than ever. But how do you tell them the news that your marriage is over without creating undue stress for yourself or them? And when -- and how much -- should you tell the folks at the office? How you approach this subject depends on a couple of factors: the nature of the separation, and who you're announcing it to. Realize first, however, that there are no hard-and-fast rules to follow when you're breaking the news. What follows are some basic guidelines: modify them to fit your unique circumstances.

Family and friends

When you announced your intention to marry to your loved ones, you probably had a pretty good idea of what their reaction would be: happiness, excitement, and congratulations. Unless your spouse was an unbelievable jerk, your family and friends probably haven't been looking forward to hearing about your marital breakdown, and their reactions are likely to be unpredictable, to say the least. Telling them is going to be painful and awkward, to greater or lesser degrees.
By Meg Mathur

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Emotional Issues and Negotiation Skills

2010-07-05T14:57:00.000-07:00

Marriage was an organizing factor in your lives. You and your spouse together made many decisions in particular ways because you were married and shared certain values and expectations. Now those expectations have been turned upside-down. You will be negotiating a separation agreement at an emotionally difficult point in your life, and you will be required to make decisions without your accustomed underlying rationale. This can be frustrating and confusing.

You or your spouse may find that feelings of anxiety over the potential loss of financial security, extended family, home, and friends have a quality more like childhood panic than adult concern, because these losses represent a temporary loss of the "self" with which you have become comfortable. There may be feelings of betrayal, rage, or helplessness. If the two of you become involved in an adversarial process, these feelings may be intensified because you'll be dependent on your lawyers' strategizing.

A mediator understands this state of mind and will keep the negotiations non-confrontational and structured. With your mediator's assistance, you will both be able to speak for yourselves and plan your individual futures.

The negotiation techniques we discuss will be helpful with this process. We will answer questions about how to overcome emotions that interfere with negotiations: how to make trade-offs so that you get what you really want; how to get a reluctant spouse to mediate; how to overcome impasses; and how to develop better ways to communicate so that you can have future discussions concerning such issues as parenting arrangements with less conflict.
by Carol A. Butler (Ph.D.) and Dolores D. Walker (MSW, JD)

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Tips for divorcing people considering Mediation

2010-07-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

It is hard enough to be told that instead of a judge deciding that you are right and your spouse is wrong, you have to go to mediation. I suspect that you really didn’t want to know that mediators use different models of mediation! They do, and as a consumer, you probably want to understand enough about the mediation choices that exist to select a model that makes sense to you.

Mediation – a process where you, your spouse and sometimes your lawyers work with a neutral mediator to reach a voluntary settlement – has been around for decades. Courts like it, particularly for divorces. Some mediation programs are mandatory; others are strongly encouraged. Some are free; others are paid for by the users. You may, or may not get to choose your mediator. If you do, you want to find out what mediation model the mediator practices. As you will see in the following table, mediation models differ widely and mediators who use them have different goals.
By Deborah Lynn Zutter

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

What's Special About Family Mediation?

2010-07-05T14:54:00.000-07:00

The vast majority of instruction in law schools, and at professional legal-training courses (PLTC) delivered to students who have just completed law school, is focused on court hearings in which only one party "wins" and the other "loses". Trial decisions are analyzed and applied to fact patterns and statutory or common-law principles. Students compete in imaginary trials, or moots, with the goal of convincing the court, an impartial third party, that their client was right and the other party was wrong.

The predisposition to vigorous advocacy on a client's behalf is required by the ethical rules of most Law Societies. For example, British Columbia's Canons of Legal Ethics provide:

3. (5) A lawyer shall endeavour by all fair and honourable means to obtain for a client the benefit of any and every remedy and defence which is authorized by law.

Mediation culture is vastly different. The other party, not the judge, must be persuaded. Criticizing the opposition's behaviour, peppered with personal attacks or discourteous interactions, are counter-productive. There will be no ruling vindicating one party over the other. At best, there will be an enduring outcome that meets the goals and objectives of each party. These resolutions can and do include apologies and compensation. The key feature of mediated outcomes is that they are acts of self-determination by the disputants.
by Deborah Lynn Zutter

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

The power of listening

2010-07-05T14:52:00.000-07:00

In the heat of battle, we don't often think kindly of "the enemy." Although we may intellectually recognize that the other side is suffering, we harden our hearts to their tribulations, some of which we may have caused and can readily justify.

A hard heart is not always our best ally. It can blind us to the motives of our adversary and obscure our understanding of the reality in which he or she operates. It is not necessary that we agree or sympathize with our opponent, but it is foolish not to understand him or her. When we cut ourselves off from our natural tendency to feel compassion for others -- including our ex-spouse -- we reduce our effectiveness because we insulate ourselves from valuable information. Conflict polarizes us, so it's not surprising that we rarely see the whole picture.

Compassion is not the same as sentimentality. Rather, it is the discipline to resonate with another person, to feel what she feels, to connect, to move beyond the limitations of our own prejudices and opinions. It guards us against hurting ourselves through our unwillingness to hurt others. But compassion does not mean that we should surrender to their desires or exhibit weakness. It simply means that we will not stop being human just because we are engaged in conflict.

Conflict takes place in an environment of mistrust. Compassion helps to restore some measure of basic trust so that some form of functional communication can take place. When that communication occurs, we usually will learn something essential for the resolution of the matter. We already know what we think. Compassion allows us to understand what they think, and why.
By Brian Muldoon

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

An Inflexible Ex: You and the children

2010-07-05T14:49:00.000-07:00

If you're one of those divorced persons who have a contentious relationship with their exes, be ever so careful that you don't let it have an impact on the mental well being of the children you are parenting together.

Unfortunately, children are almost always victims when it comes to divorce -- helpless victims who love both parents -- and the last thing they need is to feel the tension and acrimony between the two people they love the most. Nor do they need to feel they must choose one parent over the other. But I find that couples are so caught up in their anger, need for control, or bitterness that they don't fully realize how their behavior (their unkind words and actions toward one another) can affect their children, who are often left feeling they must pit one parent against the other.

Whenever I find myself talking to the children of parents who are involved in a custody battle, for example, or simply caught between Mom and Dad as they fight over visitation matters, I feel a tremendous sadness. I often wish that parents could simply walk around in their children's shoes during just one of those inappropriate incidents. Then they could feel the stress and discomfort their children experience.
by Stacy D. Phillips

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

The "Move-Away" Case

2010-07-01T16:48:00.000-07:00

Parents who share custody of their children face a difficult dilemma when one parent wants to relocate or move away to a relatively distant location thereby effecting a Move-Away Case. Recent California cases indicate that in custody situations, if one parent is functionally the primary parent and the children have been living primarily with that parent, that parent is likely to be permitted by the courts to move away and take the children along, even if he or she agreed earlier not to move away or relocate.

California Family Code section 7501 provides, "A parent entitled to the custody of a child has a right to change the residence of the child, subject to the power of the court to restrain a removal that would prejudice the rights or welfare of the child."

Although this statute appears to be straightforward, the interpretation of it has not been. The right of a custodial parent to move away with a minor child when doing so would adversely affect the noncustodial parent's visitation has been the subject of many diverse and contradictory appellate decisions over the last decade. Many courts approved restrictions on the parent's right to move away or relocate with the child and imposed burdens such as proving that move away was "necessary" or "expedient, essential or imperative." Some devised compound tests for move away cases to guide the trial courts in making the determination. Others, on the other hand, simply held that the custodial parent was presumptively entitled to move away.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

The Effects of Divorce and Pregnancy!

2010-07-01T16:44:00.000-07:00

I can’t imagine anything more worrisome to a woman than being faced with divorce while expecting a child, yet sadly enough, it happens far more often than you’d think. In fact, a friend of mine is currently going through the hardest time of her life, as just days after discovering she was pregnant, she decided it was time for a divorce. What prompts a woman to consider divorce when she’s pregnant and is it difficult to get a divorce when a woman is with child?
Can a Couple Get Divorced When Pregnant?

While it may seem peculiar to grant divorce when a person is pregnant, in most states a couple can file for divorce if the wife is pregnant. But since the laws are different in every state, it’s important to check the laws where you reside to find out whether you can file for divorce in your particular state. For example, those living in the state of Florida cannot file for divorce while the wife is pregnant whereas in Texas, you can file for divorce if you are pregnant, but the divorce cannot be finalized until the child is born. This law is in place so as to assure child support and child custody issues are handled appropriately. In other states such as Ohio, Arkansas, Missouri and Arizona, a divorce will not be granted if the woman is pregnant. Divorce can occur in many states, with areas of most concern surrounding legalities involving paternity, custody, visitation and support.
StraightDivorce Staff

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Grey Divorce: Letting Go and Starting Over

2010-06-29T16:39:00.000-07:00

For some folks divorce is a liberating experience while for others it is a complete shock. Yet, today, there is a growing trend among older folks who are taking the divorce plunge in their later years. Growing more prevalent in the lives of those who are over the age of 55, “Grey Divorce” is seen more and more in cultures around the world. Although it is common to think that married couples that have been together for years and years have gotten past their relationship issues, many of those couples are now choosing to get divorced. Apparently, because we are living longer lives, both men and women are reaching out for a more meaningful existence. Regardless of age, a number of older folks still want to find satisfaction and fulfillment and are letting go and starting over. What’s even more interesting about the ending of these marriages is that many of those who are seeking later life divorce, still love and respect their former partners, but they are just ready to move on.

Women Seeking Divorce in Higher Numbers
Are you one of those people who have been in a long-term marriage and have now decided to get a divorce? Perhaps you were married at a young age and have found that as you matured and developed, you and your partner grew apart. Or you recognize that something vital is missing between you and your partner. Well, it’s never too late to change your mind. Surprising statistics given by the US Human Resources Services Administration show that Americans over the age of 55 are divorcing in higher numbers than ever before. In fact, census figures show that divorce among those over age 65 has doubled since 1980. And a recent, nation-wide study carried out by the American Association of Retired Persons suggests that women from older couple marriages between the ages of 40 and 80 seek divorce in higher numbers than men.

A Desire for Freedom, Identity and Fulfillment
So, what’s behind this new phenomenon known as Grey Divorce and why are so many men and women succumbing to divorce after decades of marriage? The reasons vary between men and women, but according to some studies, women state they have finally reached a breaking point and they are just no longer willing to live with or deal with certain behaviors. Whether it is due to having endured alcohol or drug addiction, physical or emotional abuse, infidelity, or simply being unfulfilled, many women are leaving relationships that cause them dissatisfaction. And although we often hear about men leaving partners for younger women, many men, who are opting for late life divorce, say that they are bored and unfulfilled. Most of the older men who are leaving long-term partners are interested in finding ways to experience more life and in fact, the majority of them say they want an opportunity to meet someone who can give life more meaning.
StraightDivorce Staff

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

How Do You Know If It Is Time for a Divorce?

2010-06-29T16:37:00.000-07:00

Sad to say, but many people stay in a marriage far longer than they should. Yes, marriage is supposed to be for life, but in truth, not every marriage is a good one and life is short, so if your marriage is going nowhere and you’ve tried everything to make it work, it may be time to consider divorce.

What Holds People Back From Divorcing?
In most cases, the reasons people stay together when they know that the marriage is over, is simply because they’re afraid of being alone. They may have been together for a long time and can’t imagine what life would be like without the other person. Sometimes it’s just plain old fear and insecurity. We’ve been taught that once we marry, we’re supposed to stay in the marriage, regardless of how miserable we might be in the situation. Other times people stay in a marriage for the sake of the children, but here again, if the marriage is over, the children are going to grow up in a home where the parents don’t really love each other. Is that what we want to teach our children?

What To Consider When Thinking About Divorce
If you are thinking about divorce and are simply not sure what to do, there are some things to consider that might act as a gauge in determining whether it’s time to move on. As you start to observe your situation, pay attention to some of the signs that indicate it’s time to go. For example, if you have tried everything many times over to fix your marriage, yet nothing changes, it may be time for a divorce. If your relationship is no longer meeting your needs and the majority of time you feel discouraged and frustrated about your relationship it’s probably time to leave. If you don’t enjoy each other’s company and you prefer to do things without your partner, you should consider ending the marriage. If you feel that none of your true needs are being met and you find yourself constantly trying to explain yourself to your partner, but you don’t ever seem to be heard, it’s probably wise to consider divorce.
StraightDivorce

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

How to Handle The Stress of Divorce

2010-06-29T16:32:00.000-07:00

It’s very clear that getting a divorce is a very stressful situation. No one needs to be reminded that anytime a big change occurs, the human approach is to resist. And regardless of the fact that people realize that it’s time for a divorce, it still is an extremely difficult challenge. So, what is it about divorce that makes it so hard? Obviously, you are being asked to establish a new identity as a single individual or you are facing the loss of an important relationship that you have known for a long time. However you choose to look at it, you have to alter your life. And not everyone experiences change in the same way. For some, the divorce can be overwhelming and so they cling to the possibility that maybe the relationship can be saved. For others, the idea of being alone weakens their sense of security. We are in fact creatures of habit and so we become attached to a way of life even when we have outgrown it.

Time To Reflect
Many of us think that as we go through the divorce, we’ll be prepared to handle all the different feelings and emotions. Yet, in truth there are some emotions and feelings that come as a surprise. Whether you’re the one that has chosen divorce or if the divorce decision was made for you, the dissolution of a marriage is painful to say the least and calls forth a lot of different feelings. Yes, it is very stressful when facing divorce, but when we’re forced to stretch ourselves, we become stronger people. After all, aren’t the struggles we face in life, the things that make us become who we truly are?

Can Divorce Offer a New Opportunity?
Perhaps divorce provides us with an opportunity that few people consider. Not to sound cliché, but the breakdown of a marriage provides us with the chance to create a better and stronger life as well as a better relationship with a future partner. How? If we’ve learned anything from a marriage that ends in divorce, we become more careful in our choices. We pay attention to things that happen early on in a new relationship and rather than dismissing it, we take it into account.
StraightDivorce Staff

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Post Divorce Modifications

2010-06-29T16:29:00.000-07:00

Generally speaking, after a divorce has been finalized, things pretty much remain exactly as the divorce decree stipulates, yet there are times when after the divorce is finalized people seek post-divorce modifications. The reasons for these modifications are many. Perhaps one person has not met his or her responsibilities based on the divorce agreement. Maybe one spouse wants to leave the state. Or potentially, one parent has lost his or her job. When a person’s living conditions or financial situations change dramatically after a divorce, and they are unable to meet their responsibilities, or if a spouse appears to be a threat to the children, either the custodial or non-custodial parent may request post divorce modification.

Divorce Modifications Usually Involve Custody and Support Issues
While the majority of divorce modifications usually involve custodial or support issues of children, there are times when provision of alimony as well as property agreements and debt distribution need to be modified. In any of these situations, if you have gotten a divorce, but find that things have changed significantly, you may need to inquire about modifying some of the decisions regarding child support, visitation, child custody orders or alimony. Consequently, if you find yourself facing any of these types of circumstances, you should consult with a divorce attorney who can help you with post divorce modifications to the original divorce decree.

Significant Changes After Divorce
Let’s suppose the court has ordered a parent to pay a certain amount of child support but their financial situation has changed. How does the parent go about making modifications to the agreement? And how does the court address these situations? For any parent who wants or needs to make a modification, the first step is showing the reason for the request. In other words, circumstances for the party seeking the modification must have changed significantly since the original order was entered.
StraightStaff

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Divorce and Income Tax Filings

2010-06-29T16:26:00.000-07:00

Getting a divorce is never an easy experience and often entails an array of complex situations. Income tax is one of those situations that can cause turmoil around finances, property and child custody issues, so although you’ve made the decision to end the marriage, both the husband and wife are still legally responsible for all tax liabilities that have been incurred.

Marital Status on the Last Day of the Tax Year
Just when you thought you’ve turned a corner, and your marriage is finally over, here comes tax time. This is where it could get tricky and you could find your situation even more complicated. If you are getting ready to file for divorce, before you do anything you should know that divorce, annulment and even separation will very likely cause difficulties when it comes to filing your tax return. In fact, your marital status on the last day of the tax year determines your income tax filing status for that tax year. To grasp the full effect divorce can have on your taxes, you should consult both a divorce attorney and a tax advisor about your financial situation before you do anything. Without the help of both, you could find yourself in financial trouble.

The Impact of Taxes on Divorce
Divorce generally affects several tax issues and may impact on your tax return if property is transferred between spouses or when the property is used for a different purpose after the divorce. By way of example, suppose while you were married you had a vehicle that was used for business purposes. Then after the divorce it’s no longer used for your business. If that’s the case, it could have tax consequences that must be addressed on your taxes. In another scenario, if a spouse receives alimony or spousal support, it is considered income to the receiving spouse and can be deducted on income taxes by the spouse paying the alimony.
StraightDivorce Staff

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Are You Financially Prepared In Case You Get Divorced?

2010-06-29T16:25:00.000-07:00

A Stanford University study on the effects of divorce revealed that the standard of living for women drops tremendously in the first year after a divorce. That’s pretty surprising to learn in this day and age, yet, so very true. In fact, just recently, a friend of mine mentioned that while she was married her husband had run up a huge amount of debt without her ever knowing about it. Odd as it may sound, even though they had joint bank accounts, she was not aware of what he was doing, at least not until they got divorced. As a result, she’s been left with a lot of debt because she was so unprepared for the worst. The saddest part of it all is that she never even established her own credit rating and yet now she has a bad credit report.

The Impact of Divorce
As amazing as it may seem, even in today’s modern world, many women still believe that once they marry, their husbands will take care of them. What they often neglect to consider is that approximately 1.25 million divorces occur each year, which means more than two and half million people are impacted by divorce and that doesn’t even take into account the children. And more often than not, it’s the women who are left without money to hire a lawyer or handle bills and many are stuck with the dilemma of how they will support themselves after the divorce.

The Things to Consider Before a Divorce Happens!
Regardless of how well you think your marriage is going, it’s never a good idea to leave yourself vulnerable and without financial support. A smart woman makes sure that she has money on hand in the event that she needs to hire a lawyer to represent her if divorce occurs. In fact, every woman should plan for her financial future regardless of her marriage situation. They should have cash on hand for living expenses, lawyer fees and other incidentals that always crop up.
StraightDivorce Staff

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Gaining an Edge on the Custody Battle

2010-06-29T16:23:00.000-07:00

One of the most painful parts of getting a divorce occurs when the two people have already brought children into the world and have to decide who gets child custody. Child custody issues are usually at the top of the list for debate and cause the most turmoil in the divorce process. When splitting up a family, no matter how much a couple may want out of the marriage, deciding on custody is a terribly difficult decision.

What Exactly Does Custody Entail?
At one time parents shared in all the responsibilities of their children and when considering divorce, all of a sudden both parents are faced with the heartbreaking emotions of who will be the primary caregiver. And although it’s common for mothers to gain custody, more and more fathers in today’s world are choosing to fight for custody. Overall, custody pertains to decision-making authority. Having one parent take sole custody. alleviates concerns regarding the decisions of a child’s life. Custody refers to the person who has the legal right to make the important decisions in the life of a child and addresses most major life issues such as religion, education and health that impact on a child’s life. It also means that the children will live primarily with one parent, although many parents are now opting to share custody. By and large, custody issues cause conflict primarily because most parents want to be in control of where the child lives and how much time the child spends with the parent. For the most part, children do best when each parent plays a role regarding the important factors in the child’s life.

How Custody is Determined
When parents divorce, if there is a fight for custody, a judge will take into account the best interest of the child before making a final decision. Some states have different laws concerning child custody, so when getting a divorce it’s best to check the laws in your particular state. In addition, if both parents have trouble deciding on custody, they should speak with a divorce attorney or mediator who may help them reach a positive agreement.
StraightDivorce Staff

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

How the Custodial Parent Is Selected

2010-06-29T16:22:00.000-07:00

Rarely does anything cause as much contention as child custody cases. Because custody of minor children (under 18 years of age) often presents major issues, after the divorce, custody of the minor children may have to be divided between the spouses. That division could result in anything from 60/40 time-sharing to a 50/50 time-sharing, to only weekends and summer vacations. If the couple cannot agree on the custodial parent, the court will order a shared arrangement that is appropriate for the children.

The Primary Caretaker
In child custody cases, the primary caretaker becomes an important factor, as the bond between a child and his or her primary caretaker is critical to the child’s successful passage through developmental states. Psychologists strongly encourage the continuation of the “primary caretaker”- child relationship after divorce, as they believe it is vital to the child’s stability. When determining which parent has been the primary caretaker, courts focus on direct care-taking responsibilities, which include grooming, dressing, meal planning, health arrangements and teaching of various skills.

When the Court Makes the Decision
While many couples are happy to be ending their marriages, they are in great stress about losing the day-to-day enjoyment of their children. In fact, child custody and child visitation rights are the most stressful part of a divorce. If parents are able to come to terms regarding child visitation and child custody, a court generally honors the custody agreement.
StraightDivorce Staff

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Talking to Your Children About Divorce

2010-06-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

We all know that getting a divorce is a terribly hard situation for the couples involved, but there's no doubt that divorce is even harder on the kids, which is why it’s important for parents to handle the situation correctly. What parents say to their children and what they do through the entire divorce process can make a world of difference.
Different Reactions From Different Children

Reactions to a divorce from the children depends a great deal on a child's age, their disposition, and the circumstances surrounding the ending of the marriage. It isn’t uncommon to see kids feeling scared and sad, while other kids become angry. It’s also quite common for children to act up and out because they have so many different feelings going on all at the same time. But parents can help. The first and most important thing that parents can do is to make sure there is as little tension as possible between the parents. As the whole family goes through the divorce, everyone needs to be patient, as each adjusts to the situation. Therefore, it’s crucial at this time that parents answer the children’s questions, respond honestly and pay attention to their children’s concerns. Even if the couple has been unhappy, children want the security of living with both parents. Very often they feel afraid about what’s going to happen to them. This is no time to make it worse by fighting with each other because fighting only adds to the stress the kids are already going through. If not handled well, the trauma of divorce can last for many years to come.
When to Tell Kids About Divorce

Don’t wait to talk to the kids about the divorce. Once you are clear on your plans to divorce, talk to your child about the upcoming decision to separate. It’s not going to be comfortable, so if you can, it’s good to have both parents together when you break the news to the children. You may be tempted to delay telling the children, but it’s usually best if you tell them right away. When you begin to address the situation, don’t blame each other or express feelings of anger towards each other, but instead try to explain why you are divorcing. Consider the age of the child and their ability to handle the situation, before speaking.
By StraightDivorce Staff

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Is Your Privacy Protected During Divorce?

2010-06-24T16:58:00.000-07:00

Divorce on it’s own is a painful process and something we usually want to keep to ourselves particularly when it comes to the private details concerning finances and personal information. Yet, unfortunately there are people who like to know other people’s business and often use the information against the person. And in today’s high tech world, all it takes is a mere click of a button on your computer and you can gain information about anyone from the local county court clerk’s web site including detailed divorce statistics.
Public Records and Divorce

As just about everyone knows, the court clerks in every state have always kept public records that detail the most intimate and personal aspects of a person’s life and that includes divorce filings. Today, many of the court clerks are making those records available to anyone with an Internet browser which is making it even easier to get names, birth dates, mailing addresses, phone numbers and social security numbers. This type of access allows scammers to use the information for identity theft and given the fact that court records post divorce decrees, it’s now easier than ever to obtain any information about a person’s divorce.
Identity Fraud After Divorce

The crime of identity theft is at epidemic proportions, particularly since we are now able to access social security numbers so easily. Sharing information so readily in public records has become a major problem and is growing in leaps and bounds. Besides using this type of information for identity theft, there have also been reported cases where divorced people’s names are obtained for marketing solicitation. In fact, it was learned recently that a resort that catered to singles was accessing divorce files in an effort to obtain the names of the individuals strictly for marketing purposes. So, although it might be considered beneficial for records to be easily available on the Internet, it interferes with the right to privacy and does not allow one to keep divorce details confidential.
By StraightDivorce Staff

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Post Divorce Modifications

2010-06-24T16:56:00.000-07:00

Generally speaking, after a divorce has been finalized, things pretty much remain exactly as the divorce decree stipulates, yet there are times when after the divorce is finalized people seek post-divorce modifications. The reasons for these modifications are many. Perhaps one person has not met his or her responsibilities based on the divorce agreement. Maybe one spouse wants to leave the state. Or potentially, one parent has lost his or her job. When a person’s living conditions or financial situations change dramatically after a divorce, and they are unable to meet their responsibilities, or if a spouse appears to be a threat to the children, either the custodial or non-custodial parent may request post divorce modification.
Divorce Modifications Usually Involve Custody and Support Issues

While the majority of divorce modifications usually involve custodial or support issues of children, there are times when provision of alimony as well as property agreements and debt distribution need to be modified. In any of these situations, if you have gotten a divorce, but find that things have changed significantly, you may need to inquire about modifying some of the decisions regarding child support, visitation, child custody orders or alimony. Consequently, if you find yourself facing any of these types of circumstances, you should consult with a divorce attorney who can help you with post divorce modifications to the original divorce decree.
By StraightDivorce Staff

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Family law's new clientele: Internet lovers

2010-06-24T16:52:00.000-07:00

A decade after the launch of online dating services, family lawyers are starting to see the first wave of couples who met online.

Some are coming in for prenuptial agreements before marrying. Others are filing for divorce as they seek to sever a romantic knot tied online.

There are no studies determining whether relationships that begin online fare better or worse than any others on a long-term basis.

But Raoul Felder, a prominent New York divorce lawyer, contends that marriages born out of Internet romances are more likely to end in failure.

"Basically, you're dealing with two desperate people who meet each other by the printed word," he said. "There's no truth in packaging in these things. It's a sell job, and it depends on how long you use the product before you determine it's not working."
By Nora Lockwood Tooher

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.
For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Fact Finding on Domestic Violence in Private Law, Children Cases: Preventing Delay - A Suggestion

2010-06-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

omestic violence is one of the most troubling issues which family lawyers have to address. This article is concerned with fact finding in private law, children cases where allegations of domestic violence are raised by one parent against the other parent.

On 9th May 2008, a new Practice Direction came into force entitled: “Residence and Contact Orders: Domestic Violence and Harm”. (The Practice Direction was amended on 14th January 2009 but the amendments do not alter the way in which fact finding hearings should be listed.)

This Practice Direction put in place a new set of guidance for courts and practitioners when faced with allegations of domestic violence made by a parent or a child against another parent. With regard to the issue of fact finding hearings in private law proceedings, the Practice Direction makes clear that courts should determine:

“as soon as possible whether it is necessary to conduct a fact-finding hearing in relation to any disputed allegation of domestic violence before it can proceed to consider any final order(s) for residence or contact”.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Caught in the Middle: Children Involved In Both Family and Immigration Proceedings

2010-06-09T16:42:00.000-07:00

Immigration law and policy and family law in the United Kingdom may at first glance be considered quite separate entities. Yet, increasingly, the two jurisdictions are becoming intertwined. Due to myriad factors (process delay, illegality etc) mounting numbers of asylum seekers and refugees, whilst awaiting confirmation of their status, enter into relationships with others, often of British nationality. If these relationships produce children, a tension can arise between:

* The needs of the child to remain with its parents; and
* The needs of a state to control its immigration policy and processes.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Grandparents and their Status in Family Law

2010-06-09T16:38:00.000-07:00

It has long been acknowledged that grandparents have an important role to play in the upbringing of children. Re W (Contact: Application by Grandparent) [1997] 1 FLR 793 in particular noted that contact with a grandparent may be beneficial for children. Statistics prepared by Grandparents Plus in July 2009 showed that approximately one in three families rely on grandparents for child care, rising to 47% of all single parent households. Yet Parliament, through the Children Act 1989, does not single out grandparents for particular rights or recognition simply by virtue of being grandparents.

The figures are striking. Research published by Families Need Fathers, the Grandparents Association and the Family Matters Institute indicates that 42% of grandparents lose contact with their grandchildren when their parents separate. The potential therefore for grandparents to become involved in proceedings for contact and other s8 orders is significant. In terms of public law proceedings, in July 2009 Grandparents Plus reported that 200,000 children were living with their grandparents as kinship carers, and that placement with grandparents was the preferred choice of 65% of parents in the event that they were unable to care for their children.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Custody Was Legal, But It Wasn't Right

2010-06-03T13:38:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a young married couple who had a child. For the first year of the child's life they lived as a traditional family. Mom stayed home with the baby. Dad went to work to earn the money the family needed.

But the young mother was not happy. She wanted to finish her university education and to pursue a career. One day she could not tolerate it any longer. She left her home, her husband and her child to return to school in a different state.

The young father had some difficult times. He hadn't developed his "mothering" skills as well as he had his "fathering" skills. But he loved his child, and he quickly learned how to be a single parent.

For three years he did it all, and he did a wonderful job.

But one day the young father began to notice that his child seemed sad. It got worse as time went on. The child began to play with fire and to hurt small animals. The father took the child to a counselor. The counselor said, "The child misses his mother. The child feels abandoned. The child feels that he must be an awful child for his mother to have gone away. The child is suffering from self-hatred.
by Honorable Anne Kass

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Children's Parents Rights Often Conflict

2010-06-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

At a recent court hearing, I was faced with a divorced mom, a divorced dad, a step-dad and a step-mom---the proverbial "reconstituted family." What they all had in common was a 5-year-old little girl.

The step-father was a native of Hawaii. He wanted to return to his home there, and, of course, to take his wife and step-daughter with him.

He was astonished and angry to learn that the laws of New Mexico prevented the removal of the little girl from New Mexico unless her father agreed or the court allowed it.

He said, "I have a right to live wherever I choose. This New Mexico law must be unconstitutional because it interferes with my rights."

He seemed surprised to learn that rights are not absolute--that rights often conflict.

In this instance his right to live where he wished conflicted with the little girl's right to spend regular and frequent time with her father and the father's right to spend regular and frequent time with his daughter.

One of the most common causes of post-divorce litigation is one parent's decision to move to another state, or even another city.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Behavior

2010-06-03T13:29:00.000-07:00

Children of divorce cases frequently pay a high price for their parents' inappropriate actions. One of the most damaging behaviors parents engage in is something we call "the ambivalent divorce". In these cases the parents go through multiple separations and reconciliations.

The children of these uncertain parents alternate between experiencing their worst nightmare (divorce) and their happiest dream (mom and dad staying together).

The severity of the damage caused by parental indecision seems to surprise some parents.

In one recent case the parents had been indecisive for more than six years. Their teenage son had lived with one parent and then the other during the separations. Sometimes the parents had lived in different states, so he had moved frequently. That had required him to change schools and friends as well as homes numerous times. His life had been one of chaos loss and disappointments. At the age of 15 he was a lonely, sad young man.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Using special masters to resolve post-divorce conflicts

2010-05-25T11:30:00.000-07:00

What Qualifications Does a Special Master Need?

Maria and Tom Warrenpiece were stuck. They had two children: Carlos, age 7, and EIsa, age 9. Subsequent to their separation two years ago, they had extreme difficulty making decisions together about the care of their children. A year ago, they had a custody evaluation and the Commissioner ordered a joint custody arrangement with the outline of a schedule for school weeks and during vacations and holidays. However, Maria continued to see Tom as very controlling and unresponsive to the children. Tom thought that Maria was trying to exclude him from the children's lives whenever she could. As a result of the uncertainty and conflict, Carlos was having behavioral problems at school and EIsa was frequently weepy. Maria would only allow communication through their attorneys. After they had been in court three times in six months, the Commissoner proposed that the parties consider using a Special Master. Both Maria and Tom were disillusioned with using the court repeatedly to resolve their problems. They were informed that by mutual agreement they could try a new process. Through their attorneys, they agreed on procedures and chose a Special Master. One year later Tom and Maria communicate by fax, sparingly using the phone and occasionally meet with the Special Master to make particular decisions.

This is the kind of situation in which a family can benefit from the appointment of a Child Custody Special Master, or Parenting Plan Coordinator. This new role, recently introduced in Southern California, provides a useful alternative to other dispute resolution mechanisms for chronically conflicted divorced parents, particularly those who repeatedly look to the courts to resolve relatively minor issues in the family. It is also useful when one or both parents have significant psychopathology, when there are children with special needs. or children who are infants and toddlers in which significant negotiation needs to occur to coordinate parenting of their development. A big impetus to the establishment of this role was provided by a training session given by Dr. Joan Kelly in the fall of 1997, co-sponsored by the Divorce and Family Therapy Specialists, L.A. County Bar Family Law Section, and Cedars-Sinai Hospital. The participants in this seminar were surveyed after the seminar about their opinions and the results of this survey will be described later in this article.
Angus Strachan, Ph.D

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Joint or Sole Custody?

2010-05-25T11:27:00.000-07:00

For the sake of the children, the goals of divorcing parents should be the same: involvement of both parents in the lives of the children and mitigation of conflict between the parents. These two factors should dominate all others when thinking about custody.

A joint-custody solution gives a psychological boost to the parent who would otherwise be the noncustodial parent. But, even in a sole-custody situation, generous time-sharing (combined with open communication between parents) can create an environment where a noncustodial parent is significantly involved in the children's lives.

Is joint custody right for you? That depends a great deal on the ability of you and your spouse to get along. If you are to share decision-making, you must be able to sit down with your former spouse in a non-combative atmosphere and make decisions together. Shared values and parenting styles make this custody style more viable.

Here's what psychologists have found after long-term studies of families in joint-custody and sole-custody arrangements:
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Joint custody is a viable option only if the parents have an amicable relationship with each other, communicate well, and understand the nuances of their kids' day-to-day routines. Parents in this situation feel more involved in their children's lives than the noncustodial parent in the sole-custody arrangement. On the other hand, in a family where one parent says "black" and the other parent says "white," the children are better off with a sole-custody arrangement to reduce the possibility that their parents will fight over every decision that must be made on their behalf.
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For parents not on friendly terms, joint legal custody (that is to say, joint decision-making) means more room for disagreement and continuation of conflict. These parents are more likely to return to court than parents who have one decision-maker (sole custody).
By Pamela Weintraub

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Child Custody: Is a custody battle best for your children?

2010-05-25T11:12:00.000-07:00

Look at this time as an adventure and opportunity of trying to improve your parenting skills in order to improve the quality of the relationship you have with your children. Your children simply can't lose in an effort such as this.

1. Conservatorship
Conservatorship is the term used in Texas to designate the division of parental rights, privileges, powers and duties. Joint managing conservators may share all rights or may share some rights and retain others exclusively. By law, it is now presumed that the parents should be named joint managing conservators unless good cause is shown. Because of this presumption, this handbook will only address joint managing conservatorship in detail.

In those extreme circumstances which warrant a sole managing/possessory conservatorship arrangement, the sole managing conservator (the "custodial" parent) is the person who is granted all of the rights, privileges, powers and duties of a parent. The possessory conservator (the "noncustodial" parent) has only limited parental rights when he or she has actual possession of the children. There may be some instances when a non-parent may be appointed as a sole managing conservator or possessory conservator, although this rarely occurs in a divorce case. When it does occur, one or more of the grandparents of the children may be appointed as an additional possessory conservator. In addition, there may be more than one possessory conservator with specific rights to possession of the children at certain times.
Anita K. Cutrer

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

An Inflexible Ex: You and the children

2010-05-25T11:11:00.000-07:00

If you're one of those divorced persons who have a contentious relationship with their exes, be ever so careful that you don't let it have an impact on the mental well being of the children you are parenting together.

Unfortunately, children are almost always victims when it comes to divorce -- helpless victims who love both parents -- and the last thing they need is to feel the tension and acrimony between the two people they love the most. Nor do they need to feel they must choose one parent over the other. But I find that couples are so caught up in their anger, need for control, or bitterness that they don't fully realize how their behavior (their unkind words and actions toward one another) can affect their children, who are often left feeling they must pit one parent against the other.
by Stacy D. Phillips

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Helping Separated Parents Communicate

2010-05-21T17:00:00.000-07:00

Communication between separated or divorced parents can be problematic. Depending on the age, health and circumstances of the child, these parents may find it necessary to communicate with each other anywhere from several times daily to at least weekly.

For some parents, ongoing conflict can cause communications to degenerate leading to more difficulties. With this in mind several strategies are often suggested such as telephone contact or a communication book. Both of these strategies pose problems.

The telephone requires hearing the emotional tone of the conversation which can easily lead to the conversation degenerating. Sometimes a parent will tape the conversations for use in court, but then it becomes questionable if this party goaded the other to increase conflict for the taped conversation. Further, clandestine taping inflames the bad feelings of the other parent who may seek retribution.

To read this article in its entirety, kindly click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

The Double Dip in Valuing Goodwill in Divorce

2010-05-21T16:58:00.000-07:00

In circumstances in which the property division includes a business to be valued, it will most likely include both tangible and intangible assets. If the value of an intangible asset, such as goodwill, is charged to one party, the income stream, which is being used for the calculation of income available for support, is most likely the same income stream that was used for the computation of goodwill. Hence, the double dip.
The issue of double dipping has frustrated many business owners involved in a marital dissolution because of the financial hardship it may create. This article deals with identification of the problem, causes, and some possible solutions.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Decisions Affecting Divorce - Splitting of Retirement Benefits

2010-05-21T16:56:00.000-07:00

A QDRO is a legal document or a provision included in another legal document such as a divorce-related property settlement or divorce decree. The QDRO establishes the right of a former spouse (also known as the alternate payee) to receive all or part of the other former spouse's qualified retirement plan benefits and pay the income taxes on those benefits. In other words, "he who gets, pays."

A QDRO is required to meet specific requirements set forth in Internal Revenue Code Section 414(d). Until the Hawkins decision the Internal Revenue Service had been successful in claiming that a failure to follow the statutory requirements to the letter resulted in the participant former spouse being taxed on a constructive distribution from the plan, which is than deemed given to the alternate payee. In other words, the alternate payee gets the cash, while the former spouse gets the tax liability.

To read this article in its entirety, kindly click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Access and the Adolescent

2010-04-30T15:10:00.000-07:00

Adolescence has a way of changing everything – including access. Separated parents who have long settled into an access regime now must contend with the wishes of their teenager when determining visits and even with whom they live.

Two key issues come to mind when considering these changes. The first is the changing demands of school, social and working life of the teen. The second is when the sins of the parent come back to haunt them.

When the teenager’s life gets busy, access is viewed as an inconvenience. As such many access parents are confronted with voice messages saying their teen isn’t coming over this weekend. This of course is met with dismay and if there was ever any concern about the custodial parent undermining access, this scenario is certainly a set-up for conflict.

Access parents whose teenagers challenge the terms of access need to talk with them to restructure visitation with particular concern for the teen’s experience. This is certainly a new stage of life and any parent who thinks they can control their teen’s needs, will be sadly mistaken. This is not to say the tail now wags the dog, but rather, the access parent must appreciate the needs of their teen and in the interest of a good relationship, they must show flexibility.
By: Gary Direnfeld

To view this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Coming Clean with your Counsel

2010-04-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

Divorce and separation are a difficult process. The person we have been with for years, that knows us inside and out, has drifted away. We must now pick up the pieces and move forward as a single individual. In many instances, there are things known by the person we once shared everything with, that are not known by others. We may feel embarrassed to reach out and share some of these intimate details with another person. However, as difficult as it may be, the person who needs you to confide in them is your lawyer. It is confidential, bound by attorney/client privileges, and can be a major stepping stone in achieving the results we want in our case. It is difficult to tell another person that you or the children were physically abused or that your spouse used drugs or drank to excess, however these facts are key components as to why your children should have you as the primary parent. Without telling your lawyer all issues in your matter, your children may be placed in dangerous situations. In order to be the best parent we can be, it is important that we share everything with our counsel.

Written by Dawn Miller/Law Offices of Renee Marcelle

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Signs of an Internet Affair

2010-04-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

Its obvious online affairs are prevalent today so what can you do? This epidemic is causing the breakup of countless marriages. How do you know if your spouse is violating the marriage vows by carrying out an online affair? Let's look at typical indicators I personally discovered while investigating affairs. If your marriage is in trouble these clues will help you be the judge. Caution: These clues are not confirmation of affair just feasible indicators for you take into account.

1. Your spouse or partner spends excess time on-line. Who doesn't use a computer today? I know a few people. They are excellent for paying bills, staying in touch with family, friends, customers, finding street locations, and a host of other productive endeavors. We can not live without them and shudder when a lighting storm threaten our usage. Just look at kids and their instant messaging. They will go without dinner just to keep in touch with their circle of friends. Try to pull them away, it's no easy task. Does your spouse resemble your kid's magnetism to the computer? Discover why this need is so powerful before it's too late.

2. Passwords, instant message "buddy lists", internet email accounts and emails are concealed - even protected from you! Do you find your spouse needing his "own space" at the computer? Is there a real reluctance when you ask to know his passwords? What's there to hide? These questions all have obvious answers. The act of hiding information is deceptive by nature. Of course, those of us who have worked in "Corporate America" understand the need to protect company secrets.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Five Divorce Mistakes To Avoid

2010-04-13T12:54:00.000-07:00

1. Swing from the hip instead of doing some careful planning - There are so many things you can do to improve your chances of success in a divorce. Just as important, there are many ways to damage your chances. People make many decisions by random chance. Wouldn't it be a great idea to do some pre-divorce planning? A visit with a divorce attorney, financial planner, and a custody advisor can make a huge difference in your results.

2. Send stupid, mean letters, text messages, and emails to your soon to be ex. This may make you feel great, but will become embarrassing evidence later on. Attorneys are great at saving messages, massaging them, packaging them, and then presenting the result in court many months later. Don't provide the other attorney with an opportunity to embarrass you.

3. Fail to prepare financially. If you have some money then squirrel it away. If you don't have any money, borrow some. If you cannot borrow money, get credit cards. You should consider selling things. The goal is to build a war chest. We are talking about a chest of money or preparation that can pay for a lawyer, and sustain you for the coming hardships. Financial preparation can take the form of downsizing your expenses. Whatever you have the capability to do - do it now.

To view this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Legal Separation

2010-04-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

Legal separation is the solution when you’re neither married nor divorced. If one of you have already moved out, please consider making it legal to protect yourself concerning child custody and support, taxes, and any new debts that might be incurred. It can also help form a basis for negotiating your eventual divorce settlement. All states except Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, Pennsylvania, and Texas recognize legal documentation of separation.

Paperwork
When you consider separating from your spouse, ask what the legal ramifications are in your state, and have your lawyer draw up the separation agreement to best protect you. If you feel up to it, you can also fill out your own separation papers and file them yourself. Here is a site that you can look up legal separation agreements for your individual state.

Precedence
When you are considering moving out during this period, realize that this might set a precedent for what is awarded in the divorce. If you own a home, it is best not to give up your rights before divorce papers are drawn up. Try to spell out who will be awarded the home in your separation agreement. If you are renting and choose to move out, this is only relevant if children are involved.

To view this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Seeking Divorce in a Down Economy

2010-03-31T13:57:00.000-07:00

Divorce is a difficult and gut-wrenching decision that would keep anyone up in the middle of the night. In today's tough economic times, when one spouse may depend heavily on another spouse for financial support, or a couple is saddled with a mountain of debt, the decision to end a marriage or domestic partnership can seem particularly difficult, even if the marriage has become intolerable.

Regardless of how bad the economy is, or how broken a couple's finances are, it's important for a couple to understand that they do have options and that staying in a broken marriage does not have to be one of them. Spouses who stay at home or earn less than their counterparts may feel they are at a terrible disadvantage in this economy as unemployment rates climb. But there are options, and there are ways to prevent one person from carrying the entire debt load from the marriage.

Anyone considering divorce, with or without significant debt, should speak with an attorney experienced in family law, as well as tax law. It is important to understand all the consequences any type of debt discharge will have, not only in terms of the divorce, but also in terms of a couple's financial and tax obligations, according to FindLaw.com, a leading online source for legal information. Going through a divorce is difficult enough without the Internal Revenue Service notifying you that you owe taxes on unreported income or are being audited.

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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What is Child Support And What Are My Rights And Responsibilities

2010-03-31T13:51:00.000-07:00

“Child Support” is a culmination of a number of things:

A child’s food; housing; clothing and daily care; these are also known as Basic Support.
The other aspect of child support is day care or child care costs for taking care of your child when you are unavailable, e.g. at work. This is Child Care Support
And the cost of health and dental insurance for your child is known as Medical Support.
These three items, Basic Support, Child Care Support and Medical Support, combined, make up Minnesota’s definition of Child Support.

You can get a child support order as part of divorce proceeding, child custody case, Order For Protection (OFP) hearing, paternity or even legal separation proceeding.

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Your Divorce Attorney

2010-03-24T13:40:00.000-07:00

There are many factors that lead to divorce – cheating, financial problems, emotional disconnects. But when a divorce is imminent, the reason behind it is often put aside in order to deal with the difficult process that lies ahead.

The typical first step in the legal termination of a marriage is for both parties to find a divorce lawyer (or divorce attorney). A skilled divorce attorney can guide you through all the legal processes that go along with dissolving a marriage. He or she will also have your best interests in mind, should issues such as child custody, property division or spousal support arise.

More importantly, a good divorce attorney can help you maintain composure during a difficult time, and can help relieve the pressure of the situation. With the right divorce attorney, you won’t have to focus on the legalities of the situation, and you’ll be able to focus on your own well-being instead.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Love, Kids and Divorce

2010-03-24T13:33:00.000-07:00

One of the hardest things to know as a parent, is when to call it quits with our partner. We tolerate more than we should from each other so that we can keep it together for the sake of the kids, yet they see us growing more distant and miserable each day, with no resolution or peace in sight.

Our patterns of negative communication erode our sensitivity and compassion for each other, stunting our children’s emotional and communication development, yet there we stay, unwilling to face the truth that our marriage is a disaster. Women who repeatedly ask to be heard, secretly believe that if he would just do this or that, then she, too, would change and the relationship would be fixed. She keeps pleading for a better life, hoping her efforts will get him to make the changes so they can keep the family together. He claims he just wants her to just stop harassing him for more of what he can’t seem to give, and feels that no matter what he tries, it is never enough to please her. The relationship becomes a day to day battle to be heard and validated, and in trying to achieve the minimum of respect, we grow tired, irritated, and withdrawn.

The melt down begins deep inside, then slowly deteriorates everything good about you as a couple, leaving nothing positive for your children to learn from. The children absorb the toxicity and loneliness without being able to express that the normalized tension is slowly killing them on the inside; they want to run just like you do, yet they are trapped by age and dependency. Our unwillingness to change our lives and our internal dialogue holds them back; our inability to say “Enough!” is killing our children’s power and leading them to develop harmful behaviors and destructive relationships later in their own lives.

Regardless, the one question that lingers is, “How do I know when to leave?” What we are really asking is how much do I have to take before leaving is justified? In our hearts, we see giving up as harming the kids more than them living in turmoil or silence. We pick from the left overs of love to get through one more lousy day of resentment while the kids experience chaotic love as normal love~so what has anyone gained?

We all want someone else to step in and make the big decision because we don’t want to be the one who ruined the family or hurt the kids~but really, that has already been handled. We go to counseling secretly waiting for the middle-man to tell us what we can’t tell ourselves. We play the game, drag out the drama, and waste years. The suggested changes never work or last because our heart left the relationship long ago, and what we are really after is a supportive nudge in the direction of divorce.

The permission seeking proves we see divorce as a negative, hurtful thing, but divorce does not have to be seen as a failure any more; those days are long gone. Staying in chaos is the real failure~and it negatively affects children for good. If you are staying together just for the kids, be cautious. Your children need for you to protect them from emotional, developmental, or psychological harm caused by exposure to consistently bad, destructive, abusive, or lacking unions. Long term exposure to bad love is deeply harmful to children. Staying in chaos tells them, “this is love,” and it blows their radar for reading destructiveness right out of the window. Things don’t need to get physical, children don’t have to have major emotional or reactionary issues for you to know that your relationship needs to be over for their gain.

When you position divorce as a good solution, it becomes one. Kids can see it as an extension of your love for them, not as a destroyer of the family. It can teach them that when something isn’t right, you fix it, and you feel the pain of doing the right thing in spite what you want or wish.

Make the decision with dignity, respect, and love for your family in mind. Remove your judgment about what is “right” or “wrong” and look at your children. Tap into what they are learning from what you model, and ask yourself what it must feel like for them when you, an adult, are having a hard time coping with the day to day sadness, emptiness, and stress.

You are allowed to leave each other and you are allowed to see divorce as a good solution. Leaving a relationship that can’t grow teaches your kids how to create success in the face of difficulty. Hopefulness is only great when it is applied to hopeful situations. Try to determine what the most consistent theme of your relationship has been. If the relationship has been in the same cycle for years, you know all you need to know.

To make the leap, take some time to come to terms with the idea that divorce is not what you wanted, but it could be what you and your children need. Plan it in your mind; visualize little details that will make it a success and see your children appreciating your decision, then plan for it like you would plan for a wedding.
Written by Teagin Maddox

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Before and After Divorce

2010-03-24T13:28:00.000-07:00

Here are some questions to get you thinking about what you are trying to create for yourself. Create a portrait of your experience of your life as a BEFORE and AFTER picture. What would it look like?

BEFORE

• How would you describe your most common emotional state in your day-to-day existence?
• What “sets you off”, makes you upset or frustrated, and how does it do that?
• What do you worry about?
• What is preventing you from doing what you love?
• What does your inner voice tell you about what you should be doing differently to make yourself happy or to make your life more agreeable?
• Is there an image or a word that occurs to you that describes your current state of mind and way of living?

AFTER

• How would you like to feel on a day-to-day basis?
• What activities do you wish you had more time or energy to engage in?
• If you could write your ideal description of your life from another person’s view, what would that be?
• What qualities and character traits do you wish that others associated with you when they think about you?
• If you could change three things about your occupation or the way you spend your time each day, what would they be?

Now, begin bringing these qualities into your life a bit at a time … If you can’t hire a coach, find a friend and do it together.

Good luck!
Written by Cynthia Dow and Susan Drumm

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Class Helps Divorced Parents Work Together for Kids' Sake

2010-03-24T13:25:00.000-07:00

One man’s ex-wife denies him access to their 10-year-old child out of spite. A woman’s 9-year-old daughter has taken on the adult role of peacemaker and mediator, passing messages between father and mother.

The stories told during a recent Saturday morning class at the Gainesville Civic Center spoke to the biggest underlying problems between divorced parents that affect their children: a lack of communication and unwillingness to work together for the best interest of the child.

“Joint legal custody does not work unless the parents cooperate and communicate,” said Arline Kerman, a lawyer and educational psychologist who led the frustrated parents through discussions. “The main issue that these parents need to address is the best interests of the child, rather than focus on their own negative feelings they have toward one another.”

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Helping Your Child Feel Secure and Loved Through Divorce

2010-03-24T13:21:00.000-07:00

Divorce is traumatic for everyone involved. Adults know that change doesn’t necessarily mean things are going to get worse, and often, change is the beginning of something better.

However, children don’t have the life experience to know this and often feel that change brings the “bad” and “scary” unknown. Discussing divorce with your children using their dominant sense can help them assimilate the information in a positive way. The aim is to keep their best interests at heart and have them feel secure, safe and loved.

Watch visual cues

Approach visual children through what they see; they will need to see that mom and dad are happier. Appeal to them with things they like to see, then allow them to draw the separation. Make sure any interaction you have with your ex visually is positive, which means no frowning, eye-rolling or dirty looks. Your visual child will notice every little expression. Try keeping wedding rings on a bit longer: this is a symbol of unity and your child will notice it’s gone. When you’re ready, replace it with one you pick out with your child, or move it to another finger.

To read this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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What is the First Thing to Say When You Want a Divorce?

2010-03-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

Breaking the news to your spouse that you want a divorce is rarely easy. For most divorcing couples, arriving at the decision to divorce is not often mutual. Usually, one spouse wants to make the marriage work, while the other spouse wants to end the marriage in divorce. As well, most people who are divorcing would agree that even though they dislike the conflict and know that divorce is the right answer, they also have some positive feelings toward their spouse. Not wanting to hurt their spouse, makes breaking the news that you want a divorce very difficult.

How to Make "Getting a Divorce" Go Smoothly

There is no easy way to announce to your spouse that you want to end a marriage. Based on my years of experience working with divorcing couples, I have found that the best route is the most direct one. If you have children between you, then you need to keep in mind that your relationship as parents will continue after divorce. With that in mind, it is important that you keep lines of communication open and pave the way for the most workable parenting relationship possible.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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THE "CUSTODY BATTLE" SOLUTION

2010-03-23T10:25:00.000-07:00

Research on the outcomes of divorce clearly shows that a child's post divorce adjustment is DIRECTLY RELATED to the duration and intensity of their parents' divorce conflict. (Wallerstein & Blakesley, 1989)

Now what does that tell you as a divorcing parent who may be caught in a custody battle?

This means that as long divorcing parents keep on squabbling, their children will continue to experience stress and react to the tension and acrimony in the family during the divorcing process.

The solution to this divorce related problem depends on whether parents are willing to place the needs of their children ahead of their own hostility toward each other.

Your children don't deserve to be caught in the middle of your custody dispute. Here's a way to end your custody battle and protect your children's interests as well!

Children of divorcing parents deserve to have as little disruption to their lives as possible. They also deserve to be free from their parents' divorce related conflict.

Divorcing parents can make sure this happens by developing an EFFECTIVE PARENTING PLAN.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Addictions, Codependency and Family Functioning

2010-03-23T10:12:00.000-07:00

Although my client base is self selecting and not representative of the general population, I am still amazed and distressed at the frequency with which addictions are part of my clients' lives.

When I first started out in private practice, I relied primarily upon formal diagnostic criteria (DSM-IV) as a means to identify the presence of an addiction. The DSM-IV provides a sound measure of substance abuse and dependence that is based on the frequency, amount and history as well as the substance's impact on a person's life. On its own, it provides a very acceptable way of assessing one aspect of an addiction problem.

Over the years, I have found that these criteria miss an important element in the addiction process; the impact a substance and/or an activity (and the resulting behavior) has on the family system.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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The Power of Healing: Recovery from Childhood Sexual Abuse

2010-03-23T10:10:00.000-07:00

There are few experiences more devastating or more capable of inflicting long term suffering than the fallout of sexual abuse. It robs children of their innocence, their security, their sense of self and their trust in others. It quashes young spirits, and drains them of the essence of childhood joy, pleasure and freedom. And over time, it colors survivors' futures with anger, fear, disdain and self hatred.. It robs people of the ability to view life from any perspective other than with a tainted lens. And when the pain becomes too unbearable, many survivors of sexual abuse turn to drugs, alcohol, self mutilation and even suicide as a means of escape. The wounds of sexual abuse are not easily recognized nor are their effects readily understood because much of the silent suffering that transpires, resides deep with the human spirit.

The metaphor of a festering sore provides a useful way of describing the emotional wounds of sexual abuse and makes it easier to grasp the effects of sexual abuse.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Treatment Strategies for Children of Divorce

2010-03-23T10:07:00.000-07:00

As much as getting divorced is difficult and stressful for husbands and wives, it is particularly distressing for their children. Because children lack the maturity, wisdom and experience of adults (and being out of the information loop), this limited ability to comprehend their parents' divorce can be both frightening and anxiety provoking to them.

From a child's perspective their parents' divorce represents a complete dismantling of a reality they once knew - even if that reality was filled with their parents' constant arguing and disagreements. Moreover, their distress is further heightened by observing the same in their parents as they react to the change in their relationship and circumstances.

Children's responses to their parents' divorce are quite variable. Some children act out while others internalize their upset. But one thing is for sure, it does not go unnoticed or without consequence.

The research on children's adjustment to divorce is pretty clear in stating that the first six months following seperation is a period marked by acute distress and disruption. However, for most children, a new "normal" is established in their lives within a year. Children's adjustment to divorce (both positive and negative) is largely influenced by their parents' conduct. The rule of thumb in this regard is - as soon as the parents settle down, so will the children.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Married Women Seeking Affair

2010-03-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

Infidelity statistics reveal that 45% of married women are having extramarital affairs (Atwood & Schwartz,2002). These figures clearly indicate there are a whole lot of married women seeking affairs. The first questions that come to mind are - who are these women and why do they stray from their relationships or marriages? Given that the research suggests that almost half of all married women are having extramarital affairs, there is a pretty good chance that you may know some of the married women seeking affairs.

The fact of the matter is that infidelity is very wide spread. With all of modern technology, having an extramarital affair today is made much easier than in the past. With cell phones, text messaging and chatrooms, there is more opportunity for people to have affairs. But since the prevalence of infidelity has only recently become a research interest, it is difficult to say with any certainty whether infidelity is actually on the rise or if people are just more willing to talk about it. The undisputed reality is - extramarital affairs are occuring with great frequency and regularity.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Key Indicators of Extramarital Affairs

2010-03-23T09:54:00.000-07:00

If you have been on the receiving end of cheating or infidelity, then you probably wished you could have seen the extramarital affair coming. And most likely, looking back, you know all too well that the indicators of extramarital affairs were present - except you just chose to overlook them.

If you are correct in your suspicions, it may be too late to save your relationship, but it will not be too late to save your self respect. Finding out that your spouse has been cheating, will also give you some control over the situation and the ability to make choices and decisions that could otherwise not be available to you. On the other hand, if your suspicions prove to be false, then now is the opportunity to take a hard look at your relationship and evaluate what needs to be done to improve it.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Oprah Winfrey Show Episodes: The Clara Harris Sentence

2010-03-23T09:52:00.000-07:00

The Clara Harris Sentence - Oprah Winfrey is an incredible television host and interviewer. She shows tremendous versatility in the range of topics she presents and the variety of people she has interviewed over the years. Oprah always seems to know exactly what questions to ask and how to get the most out of her interviews. She did just that during her interview with Clara Harris, the Texas woman who was found guilty of murdering her husband after she learned that he was having an extramarital affair.

In discussing the Clara Harris sentence and the issues that led to her conviction, Oprah provided Clara Harris an opportunity to explain her side of the story. Early on during the interview, it became clear that Clara Harris's behavior was prompted by the shock and devastation she experienced when she found out that her husband was having an extramarital affair with a co-worker.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Divorce and Effects on Children

2010-03-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

Divorce is a very difficult time of life and it is not one that many would opt to experience. Most people who have been through the divorcing process will readily acknowledge that it is stressful, expensive and often, emotionally painful. Divorce is often filled with conflict, uncertainty and change.

An added source of stress for people getting divorced is the presence of children. Thus in addition to dealing with their own distress, parents are faced with the upset that their children experience as well. Because no two children or situations are alike, their reactions to their parents' divorce varies. Much depends on children's ages, temperaments and personal circumstances. However, the greatest influence on children's adaptation to divorce is their parents' conduct and attitude. Children are very responsive and reactive to the level of conflict that extists between their parents.
What the Research Says About Children's Adjustment to Divorce

Research on children's adjustment to divorce is clear in noting that the first six months post separation is a challenging time for families and the most difficult on children.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Parental Alienation Syndrome: The Problem

2010-03-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

The Parental Alienation Syndrome (P.A.S.) is the extreme end of a custody battle gone "real bad". P.A.S. is a most negative consequence of an increasing number of high conflict divorces. In these cases, children become the victims of a relentless and destructive "tug of war" between their parents. It is a war that children cannot win or defend themselves against. It is a war where the "enemy" (the alienating parent) is someone whom the children dearly love and depend upon for their needs to be met. For children, PAS is about loss, insecurity, fear, confusion, sadness, hopelessness and despair. In fact, some experts consider PAS to be a form of child abuse because:

it robs children of the security provided by the bond they once shared with the targeted parent
it embeds in children’s minds falsehoods about the targeted parent that are injurious to their own psyche and their sense of self (i.e., "Mom/Dad never really loved you"; "Mom/Dad is dangerous"; "Mom/Dad has done inappropriate things to you").
the process of aligning children against the targeted parent often involves threats, lies, manipulations, deprivation and even physical abuse.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Practicing Forgiveness

2010-03-18T12:28:00.000-07:00

"Forgiveness is about your inner peace, not the other person. Forgiving eases you from negative baggage."
- Salsamisa

Forgiving someone is one of the best things you can do. It frees you up to spend your valuable time, energy, and other resources are producing fantastic new relationships, creating more happiness, and reaching your goals.

Picture a guy dragging his leg as he’s walking because his leg is attached to an iron ball and chain. This is what happens to us psychologically when we don’t forgive and when we drag along grudges with us. Have you ever held a grudge? Boy, I know I have. I used to be a world champion grudge holder. I might’ve even made the “Hall of Shame For Holding Grudges”. And it was the biggest burden to drag along with me on this journey of life.

So what happens when you cut the chains, free yourself of grudges, and practice forgiveness?
Well, instead of trudging along the highway of life with all these voluntary burdens that we’re carrying, we’re sprinting down the road of life with more love, laughter, and joy in our lives. Does this sound like a plan you’d like to sign up for? Well then, do it!

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Rebuilding Your Self Esteem After Divorce

2010-03-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

A person's self esteem usually takes a beating during the divorce process. To help rebuild your self confidence, you need to focus on your attitude. Attitude is simply a state of mind. By focusing on the positives in your life, you can begin to feel better about yourself and life in general.

Affirming What's Good - When your self esteem is in the dumps, it's easy to beat yourself up and think of yourself as a failure. Replace all those self-defeating thoughts with affirmations of the person you want to be. List the things that you are good at, recount your past successes, and remember what people have said about you that makes your self esteem soar. Use words like "happy, strong, smart, resilient, ambitious" or whatever image that you would like to see yourself as. Review this list often to build your self esteem. Remember......... “As you think, so shall you be”.

Thinking Positively - Along these same lines, replace your negative inner dialog of words such as “I can’t do it” or “I’m just no good” with self esteem building statements like “I can do it”, “I am successful”, or “I have what it takes”.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Summer Vacation Ideas for Divorced Parents

2010-03-18T12:17:00.000-07:00

The following article talks about summer vacation ideas for divorced or separated parents. It will give you ideas to make the lazy days of summer less stressful and more fun for both you and your children.

Keeping Summer Vacation Fun

Kids wait all year for summer vacation. But when parents are divorced or separated, summer vacation becomes more complicated. Kids look forward to long days with their friends doing nothing. When they have a parenting schedule to live with, summer loses some of its fun. Your child needs to spend time with both parents - that's a given. So how do you keep the parenting schedule from messing up your child's summer dreams?

Plan around it

If you and your child dream of lazy days at the beach or crazy afternoons at an amusement park, plan your family's schedule around the parenting schedule. Try to work, clean the house, or do volunteer work while your child is with the other parent.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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When Your Ex Gets a Girlfriend After Divorce

2010-03-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

What do you do when your ex gets a girlfriend? Life is starting to settle down and your kids are adjusting fairly well to the divorce, but before you can breath a sigh of relief, your ex gets a girlfriend. This certainly adds a different dimension to your children's lives, and you may be wondering how to deal with this new development. The article below approaches the subject with common sense and understanding, and gives you tips for dealing with the situation.

The girlfriend. She strikes terror in the heart of divorced mothers everywhere. When your ex gets a girlfriend it's challenging enough to deal with your own emotions, but when the girlfriend is suddenly a big part of your child's life, it's hard to know how to react.

If Your Kids Are Ga-Ga About the Girlfriend

If your child likes the girlfriend, you know that at least things aren't completely miserable during visitation. But just because your child is happy doesn't mean you're happy.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Keeping Rules the same in Both Houses

2010-03-18T12:12:00.000-07:00

"But Dad always lets me stay up this late." "At Mom's house we don't have to take the garbage out." Sound familiar? Separation and divorce means two homes for your child, and too often that means two completely different sets of rules. It's hard enough for a kid to comply with one set of rules, but having two is a guarantee for confusion and disobedience from your kids and resentment and anger between parents.

If you and the other parent are going to parent together effectively, you've got to have a set of universal rules in place for your child that is in force at both homes. But you and the other parent are individuals. And obviously there are a lot of things you don't agree on. No kidding, right? So your two homes are going to be different and you're going to have different situations, different needs, and different circumstances when your kids are at each home. There are going to be differences in the way you parent. There should be. Your kids need both perspectives and both personalities. But they also need to know that they are living under the same basic set of expectations at each home.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Long Distance and Out of State Visitation

2010-03-18T12:09:00.000-07:00

Coping with long distance and out of state visitation issues is becoming more common as people relocate after their divorce. While a standard visitation schedule is not practical in these situations, there are ways to enable quality contact with the non-custodial parent.

Visitation times might include fall and spring breaks, part of the Christmas vacation, and extended visitation during the summer vacation. You can also come to an agreement concerning Thanksgiving and Easter, such as the child getting to spend alternate holidays with each parent.

Transportation methods and costs for out of state visitation are something that should be decided on in advance. By adding this information to your parenting plan, you can help prevent confusion and disagreements later down the road. If you and your ex will live relatively close to each other, both of you can drive half-way to exchange your child.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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Coping As a Non- Custodial Parent

2010-03-18T12:07:00.000-07:00

Being a non-custodial parent presents a whole new set of challenges. Where once, you were totally involved in you child's life on a day to day basis, now your time together is ruled by the calendar. While it can be very frustrating to cope with, all is not lost, and you can still be an important part of your child's life. Below are some tips to help you make the best of your current situation.

Non-Custodial Coping

If your divorce or custody case resulted in a situation in which you are not the residential, primary, or custodial parent, you might be upset or not completely comfortable with this situation. Whether you are a man or a woman, there are lots of other parents in your shoes and there are ways to make the best of the situation.

Understand Your Rights As A Non-custodial Parent

The first thing you must do is completely understand what your rights are under your custody order. When can you see your child?

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/

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