Thursday, August 12, 2010

Stop parental alienation by separating fact from opinion when discussing your ex with the children

When people are in conflict, it is easy to get into the blame game, to feel superior, and see oneself as a victim. Unfortunately, far too many parents lack boundary control. They share their feelings of misery and anger with their children. But when one parent speaks poorly about the other to their child and encourages the child to believe that the target parent is less worthy and less important, Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) can occur. For your children, the results can be tragic.

You may think that your ex is the lowest, most vile, bottom dwelling snake in the swamp. But no matter how you feel about ex, you must reach deep into your character and be disciplined enough to behave responsibly and act according to what is best for your child. There is a big difference between fact and opinion. Facts are true. There is evidence or proof of what happened. Opinions are feelings. They're a spin that someone puts on facts. There is no proof that your ex actually is the lowest, most vile bottom dwelling snake in the swamp. This is an opinion. Proof would be something that is documented.

You may be profoundly disappointed that things didn't work out in your marriage. You may feel superior in the situation; nevertheless, this is the person that you chose to be your child's parent. Accept responsibility for that. Take the high road, get a grip, and filter out what is helpful from what is damaging to say to your children. Use discretion in the facts you share with your children. Let your child make up his or her own mind.
Jayne A. Major

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at

1 comment:

CAconservative said...

I'm glad you recognize PA for what it really does to children and families. It takes a great deal of courage to write about PA where you are located in Marin County where the most rabid anti-PA group around is fighting to get it outlawed in Family Court. My ex and children were legally kidnapped to San Rafael in 2003, and I have not seen my children for over 3 1/2 years because my ex is a Parental Alienator.