Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Reform for the children's sake

If you have children and are recently divorced, going though a divorce, or even thinking about getting divorced, you need to be aware of a new law that may significantly affect you. Signed into law by President Clinton on August 22, 1996, the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Act contains the most sweeping child support enforcement measures in history -- measures that could, over the next 10 years, increase child support collections by $24-billion.

I was privileged to be present when President Clinton signed this historic bill. Referring to the duty of parents to meet their obligations to their children, he said, "There is no area where we need more personal responsibility than in child support." New requirements and new resources for the program will make it more difficult for parents to evade responsibility for their children.

The magnitude of non-support of children is indicated by recent census bureau data, which revealed that 11.5 million families with children had a parent living out of the home. And of this group, only 6.2 million (54 percent) had awards or agreements for child support. Further, of the total $17.7-billion owed for child support, $5.8-billion was not paid. Among those due support, receipt of payment was inconsistent, with about half receiving the full amount, about a quarter receiving partial payments, and about a quarter receiving nothing.
David Gray Ross

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

When your ex won't pay

You read about them every day: so-called "Deadbeat Dads and Moms" who refuse to pay child support even though they're living in the lap of luxury. There they are, jetting off to Hawaii again without a thought for their offspring who go to school hungry and in ragged old clothes. But how accurate is this picture?

"The true 'Deadbeat' parent is quite rare," says Nancy Caruso Pascucci, a Chicago mediator, attorney, and an adjunct professor at the DePaul University College of Law. "If the non-custodial parent can't pay, there's usually a good financial reason for it: he or she has lost a job, agreed to more than he or she could really afford to pay in the settlement, or has remarried and has a new family to support."

Pascucci cites the example of one of her clients who -- before he hired her -- agreed to pay 70% of his net earnings to his ex for child support, and now doesn't have enough to live on. This situation is obviously unfair, but it's part of his legal separation agreement and he has to go back to court to try to get it changed. To avoid getting yourself into such a fix, Pascucci advises you to consult an attorney before signing any documents. "Your attorney can go over the ramifications of an agreement before you sign it," she says, "so you'll know exactly what you're agreeing to."
Diana Shepherd

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

How Child Support Is Paid

There are several ways child support can be paid, and each method has advantages and disadvantages. One parent can directly pay the other by cash, check, or money order. This person-to-person method is simple and does not require waiting for any processing time by the state. The receiving parent must keep records and track the payments. Enforcement is more difficult and is not as automatic. If you agree to this type of payment, it is wise to include a provision that if payment is missed for a certain number of months, wage garnishment (see below) will be set up automatically.

Wage garnishment is another method of payment. Child support is deducted from the paying spouse's paycheck and sent either to the receiving spouse or to the state Child Support Enforcement Agency. Garnishment requires an extra step of formally notifying the paying parent's employer and setting a court date for the garnishment order. The parent receiving the support must handle all of the paperwork. The employer is legally obligated to withhold the support from the paycheck. The advantage of this method is that payment is made automatically. There are several disadvantages. First of all, the paying parent is likely to find it embarrassing, which might escalate hostilities between you. Second, there are limits to how much can be garnished from wages, so you may not be able to get the entire support amount this way. If your spouse is self-employed, you cannot garnish the wages. You also cannot prevent the paying spouse from quitting his job, which then puts you in the position of having to do more legwork to find the new employer and garnish again.
Brette McWhorter Sember

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Using special masters to resolve post-divorce conflicts

This new role, recently introduced in Southern California, provides a useful alternative to other dispute resolution mechanisms for chronically conflicted divorced parents, particularly those who repeatedly look to the courts to resolve relatively minor issues in the family. It is also useful when one or both parents have significant psychopathology, when there are children with special needs. or children who are infants and toddlers in which significant negotiation needs to occur to coordinate parenting of their development. A big impetus to the establishment of this role was provided by a training session given by Dr. Joan Kelly in the fall of 1997, co-sponsored by the Divorce and Family Therapy Specialists, L.A. County Bar Family Law Section, and Cedars-Sinai Hospital. The participants in this seminar were surveyed after the seminar about their opinions and the results of this survey will be described later in this article.

What is a Child Custody Special Master?

It is a hybrid role involving aspects of a mediator, an arbitrator, a parent educator (particularly about developmental psychology), and a child custody evaluator. A Special Master's job is to resolve problems quickly by mediation where appropriate or by making decisions for the family where the parents cannot come to a decision, using quasi-judicial authority stipulated to by the parents in advance. Sometimes, the Special Master will focus the parents on their children's needs and educate them about developmental and psychological issues. The Special Master may issue written or oral decisions: a summer schedule might be written whereas the resolution of a weekend crisis by telephone may be done orally. Special Masters can be either mental health professionals or attorneys but, most importantly, they must be knowledgeable and have relevant experience.
Angus Strachan

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Who Decides: You or the Judge?

You and your spouse should be able to resolve the issues of custody and visitation privately or through mediation or collaborative programs. But if you can't reach an agreement on your own or through one of these resources, the only alternative is to have a judge make the decisions for you.

The judge is given one test to apply: What is in the best interest of the child? The best interests of the parents are irrelevant.

Take the case of a mother who has primary custody of a child and plans to remarry a man who lives 1,000 miles away. She wants to take the child and move to be with her new husband. The child's father protests that his weekend visits with the child would be impossible. If the move is allowed, the child will have to change schools, lose friends, and see the father only irregularly. Situations like this have become more frequent in recent years as our society becomes more mobile and employers transfer their employees around the world.

I have decided many cases with similar themes, some for the parent who moved, some for the stay-at-home parent. In one case in which I denied a move similar to the situation described above, the mother canceled the wedding to avoid losing substantial time with her child.

Be aware that when you take child issues to court, you are turning over complete control of major elements of their future to a judge who doesn't know you or your children. In most cases, the judge has had little or no training in child development or psychology.
Judge Roderic Duncan

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Mediation Combination

Mediators can also be attorneys, therapists, or even accountants. Which combination is right for you?

You may have heard about some of the possible benefits of mediation: it can be easier on the kids and the pocket book, reduces conflict, is faster than bitter litigation, teaches more effective communication and parenting, creates more control of the process, and encourages self-generated solutions. But did you know that two mediators can be different as apples and avocados -- that their professional training and experience as well as personal style and beliefs can make them just-right or all-wrong for you? In general, most mediators have professional training and accreditation in either legal or therapeutic areas: lawyers, therapists, social workers, and clergy. Mediators with financial training -- such as accountants or financial planners -- are also becoming more common.

Here are a few examples of the possible combinations:

Attorney-Mediator: Choosing a mediator who is also an attorney or who has a legal background can be very beneficial in divorce cases. "An attorney would be able to advise clients about the law and what would happen if they went to court," says Genell Greenberg, an attorney-mediator practicing in San Diego. "In mediation, he or she is in a situation to guide the parties into equally informed decisions. Most people need to know what their legal rights are, and they should be knowledgeable about what would happen in certain situations. Whether or not they choose to do what the law provides is up to them, but they at least will have that information."
Diana Shepherd

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

What to Expect at a Deposition

Most people getting divorced never had a deposition taken before. There is not enough room here to adequately describe how one should handle oneself at a deposition. However, I thought it might be helpful to just list some of the areas of questions that you might be asked in any particular case. These are only for purposes of illustration.

You should definitely -- well in advance of your deposition -- meet with your lawyer and ask what kinds of questions you will be asked. It will, of course, be impossible for your lawyer to adequately predict all of the questions, or even all of the areas, although the more experience such a lawyer has in the field, the better he or she can answer you.

•State your name and address.
•List all residences since this suit was filed.
•Date of birth.
•Are you the respondent in this case?
•Do you understand the oath you just took? You understand you must tell the truth?
•Are you currently under any medication that would affect your ability to answer my questions?
•Are you in good health?
•With whom do you reside?
Paul L. Feinstein, Esq.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Contemplating Divorce

Contemplating divorce, or going through a divorce, is one of life's most stressful events. Unfortunately, more than one-half of married couples will experience it. Due to the high rates of divorce, almost everyone going through it knows someone who has been divorced.

If you're in this situation, you might be tempted to ask friends, relatives, co-workers and others for advice and information -- but don't. Ask for comfort and support from this group, and get legal advice from your attorney.

A divorce case is complex. Clients often feel anxious because they don't have answers to many of their questions. Even though your case and a friend's divorce may appear similar, they're likely different.

Family law cases are fact driven. Differences in the facts of one case and another will lead to different legal strategies and results. That's why the best person to seek legal advice from is your attorney.
Michael C. Craven

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

In Divorce, Timing Is Everything

On March 18, 2010, shortly after divorcing his wife of 16 years Kevin Halstead won $3.8 million in the lottery. Halstead, a London bus driver, told the Daily Mail: "We divorced three months ago and split up about 13 years ago but we stayed friends - we did not get a divorce back then for the sake of our Jessica."

Since the Halstead's divorce was final prior to Halstead's windfall, here are some questions that may arise. The answers to these questions will depend on how carefully Kevin's lawyers prepared his divorce agreement.

•Will the ex-wife fight for some of the winnings?
•Is Kevin's windfall a basis for the ex-wife to increase her settlement?
•Will Kevin have to pay alimony?
•Will she try to remarry him?
Incidents like this demonstrate why details matter so much in divorce agreements. According to Illinois law, the winnings would be Kevin's sole property since they were won after the divorce. However, had the Halsteads stayed separated and never divorced, the wife would be entitled to share in the winnings. If he purchased the ticket before the divorce was final but cashed it in after the divorce, the answer would be different.

To read this article in its entirety, kindly click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Forgive him... for now

I am deeply sorry that I did not live up to my expectations," a seemingly regretful Eliot Spitzer said as he resigned the office of Governor of New York. As with any man caught with his pants down, there is always remorse, deep regret, and the inevitable begging for forgiveness.

Whether your spouse spent thousands on a high-priced call-girl (or call-boy) or had your simple run-of-the-mill affair, he broke his vow of marriage to you, so you'll want a divorce, now. Right?

Not so fast.

Regardless of how horrible his actions were, if you overreact, he may lash out in kind. That sad puppy can change instantly into an attack dog. He's hoping for forgiveness, so he's likely to act out if he feels he's being punished or chastised. Despite his feelings of guilt, demanding a divorce may force him to deceive you, withhold money and important financial information, make threats, or refuse to negotiate. He's desperate and will do anything to regain control.

I'm not suggesting you embrace your man with hugs and kisses. Rather, I suggest you remain aloof: appear to need time to heal. Then, once you are sure that divorce is the right path to take, remember the Girl Scout credo: "Always be prepared." In short, make a plan. Then keep it to yourself.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Health/Well Being Article

Many of us bristle when we hear "conflict." Some people thrive on it, but most of us take detours to avoid it. Why do we do this? If we had techniques to help us deal with conflict, perhaps we'd be better equipped to compromise while being true to our position.

One of my clients is dealing with a difficult situation and struggling to find a way to resolve the conflict within her before it destroys her marriage. Lilly is a hard-driving attorney with a successful practice. Her husband, David, is an equally successful writer who is struggling to find his voice. He is a little burned out, and he's decided that he needs to take some time to regenerate. In his fantasy world, Lilly would take time out from her career, and together, they would find some time to enjoy life again.

Unfortunately, Lilly isn't on David's time frame. She's at a crucial point in her career, and she believes that it is very important to stay on track. She understands David's need to recharge, and she has given him permission to take a time out. The problem is that David is beginning to feel hurt because Lilly works at least 12 hours a day. He's tried to be rational, but it hasn't worked. He resents Lilly for paying attention to her career, and, in his mind, deserting their relationship for the sake of her profession.

Lilly senses David's resentment, and she is beginning to feel the stress of trying to appease him while continuing to manage her overloaded work schedule.

To read this artlce in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

How to Handle Your Emotions during Divorce

Divorce brings out the lunatic within us. Rage, anger, depression, sadness, resentment, and blame are just some of negative emotions running the show. Your emotional state is hard to pin down from one moment to the next. This is not the best state of mind to be in when you are being called upon to handle so many things and make so many very important choices and decisions. We need to tame the gremlin (that negative mind chatter within), learn to be less reactive, and be more in control of our emotional state in order to effectively handle our divorce. The good news is that there are many tools and skills you can access to help you through this difficult life transition.

Learn to recognize your "danger zone". Your danger zone is that place where you are prone to reactive behavior and emotional upsets. Once you begin really tuning into your body's cues, you will recognize this place and can take action to not go there. I am alerted to my danger zone when my stomach tightens, my heart races, my neck tenses, and my breathing becomes shallow. There is a fluttering sensation throughout my body. I know I am becoming emotionally reactive and I may soon say or do things that I will regret. I know that if I allow my emotions to take over and go reactive in my response to the situation, I will not be making any conscious decisions as to my actions. Trouble is around the corner!

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Meditate away your stress

The practice of meditation offers peace, serenity, and calm -- a welcome respite from the turbulent emotions of divorce.

How do you beat divorce-related-stress? Many people try "treat" behaviors: smoking, drinking, taking drugs (prescription or "recreational"), eating a carton of chocolate ice-cream -- whatever gives them feelings of pleasure and well-being. Unfortunately, all of these are band-aid solutions: they temporarily ameliorate some of the symptoms without addressing the root of the problem.

Here's a better solution: consider practicing meditation on a regular basis (daily is best). Anyone can practice meditation; you don't have to be on a path to spiritual enlightenment or have any religious beliefs. "Thinking you're unable to meditate is a little like thinking you are unable to breathe, or to concentrate or relax," notes scientist, writer, and meditation teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D. in Everywhere You Go, There You Are. "Pretty much everybody can breathe easily. And under the right circumstances, pretty much anybody can concentrate, anybody can relax."

There are as many types of meditation as there are colors in a rainbow. You can meditate while seated, standing, lying down, dancing, singing, eyes open or shut, listening to music, brushing your teeth, eating -- the list goes on.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Divorce Schemes & Power Games

Divorce can be a dirty business when in the hands of lawyers who play power games to gain an unfair advantage over the other side. The same applies for angry, vindictive soon-to-be ex-spouses who have a "win at all costs" attitude. If this happens in your divorce, there are few things that you can do to control the other side, but there are several things you can do to prepare and manage the divorce.

The first thing to do is recognize a scheme and power play when you see it. The second thing is to not lose your cool and try to fight fire with fire. It will only cause things to escalate and your entire family will suffer. The final step is to think ahead and plan positive steps to counter your spouse's power game. Get outside help if necessary.

The following list has descriptions and examples of some of those nasty tricks lawyers and their clients will sometimes pull. If your lawyer recommends that you do this, he or she is setting you up to take unfair advantage of your soon-to-be ex-spouse. If you do these things, don't be surprised if your actions come back to haunt you after the divorce!

*Take the money out of jointly held bank accounts, put it all into an account in your name alone and don't tell your spouse about it beforehand. Then let your spouse handle the problems associated with covering the bounced checks. This causes the most confusion and distress if your spouse usually writes the checks to pay the household bills.
Laura Johnson

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Tax Tips for Non-custodial Parents

The parent with physical custody of a child, whether during a separation or after a divorce, has a superior right over that of the non-custodial parent to allowed child tax benefits. Once the divorce decree is entered, some of those benefits could be transferred from the custodial to the non-custodial parent, but only if the decree or separation agreement provides for it or the custodial parent agrees to waive the benefit.

Parents with a joint or shared custody agreement need to be aware of the child-related tax benefits and handle the issue of which parent gets to take them in their parenting agreement. The time for parents, especially a non-custodial parent, to deal with these tax issues is before a divorce agreement is signed or a court order entered. Below is a brief explanation of the child-related tax issues.
Dependent Exemption

When you think about taxes and kids, the tax benefit most people think of first is the dependent deduction. This deduction always goes to the custodial parent, as defined by the I.R.S., who receives the right to take certain allowed income adjustments, itemized deductions, non-refundable tax credits and refundable tax credits. The non-custodial parent only receives the right to claim certain itemized deductions associated with the child. In 2002 a dependent exemption will reduce your taxable income by $3,000, which is reduced for higher income earners.
Income Adjustment

New for 2002 is the right of a parent to claim an adjustment to gross income of up to $3,000 for qualifying educational expenses for a dependent child attending a qualifying post-secondary school. A choice must be made between taking an adjustment to income or an education tax credit.
Laura Johnson

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Marital Torts, The New Way to Handle Fault in a Divorce?

According to a legal dictionary, a tort is a private or civil wrong or injury that results "from a breach of a legal duty that exists by society's expectations regarding interpersonal conduct, rather than by a contract or other private relationship."

Every lawsuit has something called elements that must be present to sustain a cause of action. In a tort action, the following elements must be present:

*there must be a legal duty owed by a defendant to a plaintiff, and

*breach of that duty, and

*a causal relation between the defendant's conduct and the resulting damage to the plaintiff.

A marital tort comes from incidents or behaviors that occurred between spouses, and sometimes third parties, during the marriage, even during the pendency of a divorce suit and possibly afterward in certain circumstances.

Some examples of a suit that could be brought as a marital tort action are:

*assault and battery

*rape

*spoliation of evidence, negligent and/or intentional

*infliction of emotional distress, negligent and/or intentional

*transmission of a venereal disease

*interference with custody

*harassment

*fraud

*invasion of privacy, wiretap

*false imprisonment

*conversion

Ex-spouses aren't the only people at risk of being a party to a marital tort action. For example, if the underlying tort is fraud or spoliation of evidence for hiding assets, lying about the value of assets, or transferring assets to deprive a spouse from having the asset included in the marital or community estate during a dissolution of marriage, anyone who assisted in the wrongful activity is at risk. It could be an accountant, a bookkeeper, a lawyer, a stockbroker, a family member or a friend.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Recognizing Abuse in A Legal Divorce

Abuse isn't limited to acts of physical battery and domestic violence. It can be emotional or psychological, too. The methods used by an abuser can be very subtle or extremely direct. Abusers can be male, female and even children.

When a divorce involves the ending of a marriage in which abuse is a facet of the family dynamics, divorce lawyers and judges have difficulty in knowing just how to deal with it, unless it is physical abuse or the threat of physical abuse that puts a spouse or child in immediate danger or fear of harm. There is legal authority for how they must deal with domestic violence, physical abuse, harassment or stalking that puts a person in fear of his or her safety.

Their difficulty arises, not from a failure to acknowledge and appreciate that an act of emotional or psychological abuse or an isolated act of physical abuse has occurred, but from several other factors. First and foremost is that divorce lawyers and family court judges must build a protective shell around their emotions and mind to enable them to do their jobs. Without the shell, they are too emotionally involved and their logical thought processes are hindered. They have to be very pragmatic and realistic about what effect, if any, the abuse might have on the final outcome of a divorce. The shell is also necessary for the lawyers and judges to maintain their own mental health.

I have heard judges and lawyers alike make the statement, "My job isn't to counsel this couple on how to get along or on what went wrong in their marriage. My job is to get them legally divorced, split their assets and debts, get the children taken care of, and provide a number for support."
by Laura Johnson

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Twenty Five Tips for Parents Whose Children Are Getting A Divorce

Here are some do's, don'ts, and tips to help you handle things when your son or your daughter says, "Mom and Dad, I'm getting a divorce."

1.Don't become personally involved in your child's divorce.

2.Don't ask your friend, the lawyer, to represent your son or daughter.

3.Don't go to meetings between your son or your daughter and his or her lawyer.

4.Don't let your son's or daughter's divorce affect your relationship with your other children.

5.Don't interfere with your son-in-law's or daughter-in-law's visitation rights with your grandchildren.

6.Don't say bad or derogatory things about your child's spouse in front of your grandchildren.

7.Control your protective instincts and avoid becoming caught up in the nastiness of the "he said—she said" side of divorce. Recognize that divorce and family break ups are highly charged emotional events and can easily erupt into violent situations. Take precautions to protect your family's safety.

8.Do listen to your son or daughter if he or she confides in you about the break up of the marriage; be supportive, but don't say things that will fuel feelings of anger, distrust, anxiety, or hopelessness.

9.Don't help your child hide money or assets. If you're caught, in addition to becoming a party to your child's divorce or a legal action after the divorce, you could jeopardize your own assets.

10.Do pay extra attention to your grandchildren. Their mom and dad may become so caught up in their own feelings about the divorce, that they will unintentionally fail to spend enough time listening to and doing things with their children.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Friday, July 16, 2010

Summer Visitation Tips for Divorced Parents

School's out, and summer visitation with the non-custodial parent means a change in your children's normal routine. You can ease the transition and make things go smoother by using some of the following tips:

Many children spend large chunks of time with their non-custodial parent over the summer. Whether your child is going across town to spend a few weeks with your ex, traveling to another state for visitation, or is packing up to go away on a big trip with your ex, preparing for and adjusting to the absence can be very difficult.

When your child is preparing to go away for summer visitation, do some advance planning that will help you feel comfortable with the vacation or the trip. Find out where your child is going and get the contact information. Ask questions so you know what the plan is. If your child will be traveling, get the details of the itinerary. Make sure your ex understands your child's capabilities when it comes to swimming, hiking, or other activities. If your child is going to another state to stay with your ex, find out who will provide child care while your ex is at work.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Dealing With Controlling Behavior After You Leave

One of the hardest things about leaving abuse is that the controlling behavior may continue, even after you're out of the house. Even if you get a divorce, the games may continue. It's not easy to deal with, but the following article can give you insights to why it happens and tips on how to deal with it.

We have been through all the hurtful, horrible things our abusers have done to us. Possibly our children, too. We reached our limit, said ENOUGH and got out. This is wonderful, FREEDOM feels Great. Then the "new" set of games begin. These can be every bit as confusing and hard to deal with, especially when we are a bundle of emotions and trying to heal, to start with.

Once we leave, our abusers will do whatever they can think of, to try to gain back some control over us. They NEED a victim. They need someone to have power over and they will sink to any level to try to continue to hurt us, or promise us anything to get us back.

Let's start with them trying to get us back. In their minds we are their belongings, they don't want to admit when it is over, they don't want to feel they lost us. They are so sure of their power over us, they feel if they can say and do everything we want to hear and see, we will go back to them. Sadly enough, this often works.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

When Words Hurt

Do words hurt? It depends on who you are asking; the person hearing the words, or the one saying those words. The perpetrator may say that "It's just words" or "I really didn't mean it", but the damage has already been done.

Continued over time, the words begin to sink in and wear away at a woman's self-worth. She may begin to believe what is being said, not realizing that it is a distorted version of reality. Unfortunately, many women enduring verbal abuse don't even consider leaving or getting a divorce until things turn physical. To help you understand the damage that words can inflict, the article below discusses the similarities between verbal and physical abuse.

Have you ever been told by someone that you love or by someone of higher authority that words don't hurt? Have you been told that as long as you are not being hit, that it is ok to be abused?

Well think again because "ABUSE" is abuse whether it is done physical, emotional or both and it affects women's health just the same because both can leave lifetime scars that will and can hurt you in both your personal and professional life. The old myth has always been, if you are being physically abused to get out while those who were being emotionally abused were seemed to be told nothing! Is it a fact that words don't hurt?


To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Questions About Restraining Orders

Restraining Orders (or Orders of Protection) are court orders designed to stop harassing behavior.
These orders establish limits on the conduct of the person that they are filed against, such as limiting contact, vacating the home, and establishing visitation rights. If you feel that you are in danger from your spouse, you can get the forms to file an order of protection at your local courthouse. There is usually no cost to file a restraining order, and the judge will usually issue the order within a day or two.


When used properly, orders of protection can help establish boundaries in a violent situation. To help you understand more about the issues that may come up with such orders, read the following questions and answers from the legal expert.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

When Facing Separation or Divorce, Be Prepared to Negotiate

When considering how to split everything up, these divorce settlement negotiation strategies and considerations can help you get the most fair and equitable outcome from your divorce.

Maintaining your financial security remains one of the toughest challenges you are likely to encounter when facing separation and divorce. Because most states require that assets be split equitably, not equally, the unfortunate reality is that many divorced women usually end up losing economically. And if you have dependent children, the quality of life for you and your children could be severely compromised.

It is important that prior to your separation and divorce proceedings you, your spouse, your attorneys and financial consultants get together and negotiate the best possible agreement. Following are a few issues to consider.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

MY DIVORCE IS GOING TO COST HOW MUCH?!

Whatever happened to the $500 Divorce? Well, I can tell you that as our lives grow more complex, so do our divorces. As divorces become more and more complex, they become more and more expensive. So, is there anything we can do to save on legal expenses as we proceed through the minefield of divorce? The answer is a resounding, yes. The key is to know how many issues are out there and how we can resolve them to our satisfaction with the least amount of conflict.

We need to prepare for our divorces at least as much as we planned our weddings. That's right, just as you planned your gown, cake, caterer, church and honeymoon, you need to make a roadmap for your divorce. If you don't you will get lost and it will cost you to find your way home. The purpose of this article is to let you in on all the possible ways to pay for a lawyer. Just knowing these different formats will help you decide which way to go.

Flat Fees:
The first, and best in my opinion, is to pay your lawyer a flat fee for handling your divorce from start to finish. This method is the only way to guarantee how much you will pay your lawyer. The key of course is setting the amount of the flat fee.

I suggest that for every one of the following contested issues, that you be willing to pay a $1000 flat fee: Child Custody, Child Support, Maintenance, Division of Property, and Division of a Retirement Account. Therefore, if you will not be able to agree with your spouse on all five (5) issues, a good flat fee would be $5000; if you just have one contested issue, $1000. If you are lucky enough to have no contested issues, $1000 or less is appropriate.
Craig G. Kallen III, J.D.

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Listen. I can’t stop the lies, but I hope to stop the hypocrisy. Liars condemning liars – especially when they bitch to me at cocktail parties – is particularly exhausting.

So let’s throw out a few common issues and attempt to understand why the liar lies.

If you’re a 5’5" guy and 80% of short women won’t even go out with you, you say you’re 5’8" and hope your charm overcomes the lie. It doesn’t, but you hope it does.

If you’re a 175 lb woman, you may call yourself "firm and toned". Yes, "a few extra pounds" or even "large" would be a bit more accurate, but you stick with your description because most guys won’t respond to the truth. When you meet, you try to ignore that disappointed look he gives you, because you’re at least getting your fair shot, right?

And who can blame a young-at-heart 60 year old man or a youthful 40 year old woman for tweaking the truth a tad? They know that due to circumstances beyond their control, they’re off a lot of people’s radars. So they fib a little – or a lot - to remain visible to other online daters out there. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying that it happens.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Best places to meet someone new

Sometimes, people are distraught and stunned from their divorce experience, but even more importantly, some feel desperate, so they wind up hanging out at all the wrong places to socialize in the hopes of finding romance once again and soon!

You may have your own list of "best" places to go to find someone new, but in the meantime, consider my suggestions for what I have been told are the best "Top Ten" places to meet that special person. As in other segments in this 16-part series, I have approached it ala David Letterman style, beginning with the tenth item and moving down the list to the very first choice on my list. If you think you are ready to venture out into the world, let this list help guide you:
10. At your best friend's wedding (it doesn't matter how many he/she has had).
9. At the political headquarters of your favorite political candidate.
8. At your local home improvement or hardware store (women can never find what they need so the men cruising the aisles are easy recruits for assistance. Men hardly shop anywhere else).
7. At the studio of your personal trainer.
6. At someone else's office, not yours.
5. On a ski lift.
4. Through a reputable dating service that finds you the perfect match.
3. Self-help seminar for divorcees.
2. Your place of worship.
1. A Sting Concert (people of all ages attend them).
To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

t’s complicated but it is family

After your parents divorce, holidays can quickly go from the best of times to the worst of times, with the bickering about gifts, the tug-of-war over who gets the kids on Christmas morning, and the battle to establish new family traditions when your family is no longer very traditional. But all that holiday hoopla pales next to the politics of planning a wedding. My younger half brother is quickly learning just how complicated life can become when you bring parents and step parents and ex-stepparents together, even if it’s only for one day.

I consider myself a pioneer in the field of divorce relations. Without a hint that anything was wrong, my parents called my brother and I into the living room one October evening in 1971 to tell us they had decided to separate. I was 11 years old, my brother was 8, and overnight, I become one of only two people in my grade 6 class living with a single parent. I not only felt abandoned by the father I adored, I also felt like an outcast.

My parents were high school sweethearts when my mom found out ‘they had to get married’. I was born just before my mother’s 18th birthday. My dad was in university, working part time to make ends meet.
By Laurie O'Halloran

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Direct Examination of the Business Evaluation Expert

Skillful, seamless direct examinations are crafted by careful planning and attention to detail. Preparing the direct examination of a business valuation expert requires even more attention to details than most other examinations, as well as some knowledge, if possible, of the audience to whom you are presenting the evidence. How well does the judge comprehend accounting, finance and valuation principles? Where are the weaknesses in the positions being advanced? Upon what areas will your opponent focus the attack? The attorney must consider all of these factors when constructing the expert's examination.

When preparing the direct, consider whether there is any risk associated with your expert's credentials or ability to be accepted as an expert. Has the expert strayed from his or her field of expertise? Such examples may be the business appraiser who offers an opinion on compensation issues; the value of equipment; or even the fair square footage rental rates in a certain community, any or all of which may be outside of that expert's true field of expertise. If the expert is demonstrated to be lacking in the specialized knowledge required to formulate such opinions, you may find your expert's testimony is limited, stricken or excluded.

Consider whether or not the theory of valuation upon which your expert is basing his or her opinion is generally recognized by the valuation community as a valid methodology of determining value. If not, your expert may not survive a Daubert or Free challenge.
By Joy M. Feinberg

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Private Investigators - The Truth Behind the Fiction

Many people think of various television heroes upon the mention of the words private investigator. Old gum shoes from the 40s and 50s with their feet up on the desk waiting for a damsel in distress to enter their offices.

Over the years, assorted television shows like Magnum P. I., Spencer for Hire, and a string of Sherlock Holmes and other famous detective movies have built an image in the minds of many about what a private investigator is.

The generated fantasies are romantic, thrilling and sometimes violent. The excitement and drama draws us to the show, week after week to see what our hero will do in the next situation. To solve the case.

In real life, however, a private investigator's job is never like the Hollywood versions. Though often exciting, and occasionally scary, a private investigator's job is diverse and sometimes extremely difficult.

Frankly, much of it comes down to extreme dedication and countless hours spent sifting through mountains of documents or late evenings poking through obscure databases, hoping to find that one shred of evidence needed by our current client.
By David Almeida, LPI

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Love and the dotted line

Most people take marriage seriously, and hold high hopes for their new relationships. Little wonder then that prenuptial agreements aren't high on any betrothed's desirability list. After all, thinking about a prenuptial agreement is often feared akin to planning the end of a relationship before it's even begun. But in these times of soaring divorce rates and uncertain financial stability, it only makes sense that people should be concerned with such practicalities, dreary though they may be. While deciding between a Caribbean or a Mediterranean honeymoon is undoubtedly more pleasurable, if there's any uncertainty about your forthcoming marriage, financial or otherwise, then you should consider creating a prenuptial agreement.

Simply put, a prenuptial (also known as an antenuptial) agreement is a legal agreement signed by you and your future spouse. Normally, they deal with straightforward financial and legal issues in the event of a divorce or a death -- what will be done with the house, any stocks, bonds, or other such marital assets. They might also include some extras like custody arrangements, spousal support, or even what happens to the family pet. According to Lester Wallman, a partner in the Manhattan law firm of Wallman, Greenberg, Gasman and McKnight, and author of Cupid, Couples & Contracts: A Guide to Living Together, Prenuptial Agreements, and Divorce, an agreement can be specifically tailored to the couple's needs and wants.
By Brad Marcoux

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Some Unique Aspects to a Post-Divorce Marriage

he traditional definition of a "normal" family life cycle is changing in our evolving lifestyles. There are many different styles that achieve a "normal" life for many people. My focus is on the transitional changes for families when a couple's marriage breaks down and the intact, nuclear family life is disorganized. The couple separates and forms a bi-nuclear family. The marriage has terminated, but biological parents are permanent: both parents to their children and children to their parents. A survey in 1990 reported that one out of three children will experience their parental divorce before they are 18 years old.

The separated partners with children have a big adjustment in terms of what responsibility each partner must recognize about their personal share in the marriage breakup. Both parents must get on with their personal and separate lives to reorganize the separate households into bi-nuclear families. Studies indicate that 3/4 of divorced people go into another relationship, either a remarriage or cohabitation, three to five years after the divorce.

With the growing divorce rate and growing post-divorce remarriage, my clinical practice as a marital therapist was changing. Problems were different. The remarriage family is unique. My clients indicated they were unprepared for many of the problems.
By Lillian Messinger

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Monday, July 5, 2010

Breaking the News

You're getting a divorce. You've talked to your spouse. Now how do you tell your children, friends, and family? Should you tell your co-workers and your boss? Here's how to minimize the damage when you break the news.
There's no question about it: the decision to divorce causes great upheaval. During this difficult time, you'll want and need the support of your family and friends more than ever. But how do you tell them the news that your marriage is over without creating undue stress for yourself or them? And when -- and how much -- should you tell the folks at the office? How you approach this subject depends on a couple of factors: the nature of the separation, and who you're announcing it to. Realize first, however, that there are no hard-and-fast rules to follow when you're breaking the news. What follows are some basic guidelines: modify them to fit your unique circumstances.

Family and friends

When you announced your intention to marry to your loved ones, you probably had a pretty good idea of what their reaction would be: happiness, excitement, and congratulations. Unless your spouse was an unbelievable jerk, your family and friends probably haven't been looking forward to hearing about your marital breakdown, and their reactions are likely to be unpredictable, to say the least. Telling them is going to be painful and awkward, to greater or lesser degrees.
By Meg Mathur

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Emotional Issues and Negotiation Skills

Marriage was an organizing factor in your lives. You and your spouse together made many decisions in particular ways because you were married and shared certain values and expectations. Now those expectations have been turned upside-down. You will be negotiating a separation agreement at an emotionally difficult point in your life, and you will be required to make decisions without your accustomed underlying rationale. This can be frustrating and confusing.

You or your spouse may find that feelings of anxiety over the potential loss of financial security, extended family, home, and friends have a quality more like childhood panic than adult concern, because these losses represent a temporary loss of the "self" with which you have become comfortable. There may be feelings of betrayal, rage, or helplessness. If the two of you become involved in an adversarial process, these feelings may be intensified because you'll be dependent on your lawyers' strategizing.

A mediator understands this state of mind and will keep the negotiations non-confrontational and structured. With your mediator's assistance, you will both be able to speak for yourselves and plan your individual futures.

The negotiation techniques we discuss will be helpful with this process. We will answer questions about how to overcome emotions that interfere with negotiations: how to make trade-offs so that you get what you really want; how to get a reluctant spouse to mediate; how to overcome impasses; and how to develop better ways to communicate so that you can have future discussions concerning such issues as parenting arrangements with less conflict.
by Carol A. Butler (Ph.D.) and Dolores D. Walker (MSW, JD)

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Tips for divorcing people considering Mediation

It is hard enough to be told that instead of a judge deciding that you are right and your spouse is wrong, you have to go to mediation. I suspect that you really didn’t want to know that mediators use different models of mediation! They do, and as a consumer, you probably want to understand enough about the mediation choices that exist to select a model that makes sense to you.

Mediation – a process where you, your spouse and sometimes your lawyers work with a neutral mediator to reach a voluntary settlement – has been around for decades. Courts like it, particularly for divorces. Some mediation programs are mandatory; others are strongly encouraged. Some are free; others are paid for by the users. You may, or may not get to choose your mediator. If you do, you want to find out what mediation model the mediator practices. As you will see in the following table, mediation models differ widely and mediators who use them have different goals.
By Deborah Lynn Zutter

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

What's Special About Family Mediation?

The vast majority of instruction in law schools, and at professional legal-training courses (PLTC) delivered to students who have just completed law school, is focused on court hearings in which only one party "wins" and the other "loses". Trial decisions are analyzed and applied to fact patterns and statutory or common-law principles. Students compete in imaginary trials, or moots, with the goal of convincing the court, an impartial third party, that their client was right and the other party was wrong.

The predisposition to vigorous advocacy on a client's behalf is required by the ethical rules of most Law Societies. For example, British Columbia's Canons of Legal Ethics provide:

3. (5) A lawyer shall endeavour by all fair and honourable means to obtain for a client the benefit of any and every remedy and defence which is authorized by law.

Mediation culture is vastly different. The other party, not the judge, must be persuaded. Criticizing the opposition's behaviour, peppered with personal attacks or discourteous interactions, are counter-productive. There will be no ruling vindicating one party over the other. At best, there will be an enduring outcome that meets the goals and objectives of each party. These resolutions can and do include apologies and compensation. The key feature of mediated outcomes is that they are acts of self-determination by the disputants.
by Deborah Lynn Zutter

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

The power of listening

In the heat of battle, we don't often think kindly of "the enemy." Although we may intellectually recognize that the other side is suffering, we harden our hearts to their tribulations, some of which we may have caused and can readily justify.

A hard heart is not always our best ally. It can blind us to the motives of our adversary and obscure our understanding of the reality in which he or she operates. It is not necessary that we agree or sympathize with our opponent, but it is foolish not to understand him or her. When we cut ourselves off from our natural tendency to feel compassion for others -- including our ex-spouse -- we reduce our effectiveness because we insulate ourselves from valuable information. Conflict polarizes us, so it's not surprising that we rarely see the whole picture.

Compassion is not the same as sentimentality. Rather, it is the discipline to resonate with another person, to feel what she feels, to connect, to move beyond the limitations of our own prejudices and opinions. It guards us against hurting ourselves through our unwillingness to hurt others. But compassion does not mean that we should surrender to their desires or exhibit weakness. It simply means that we will not stop being human just because we are engaged in conflict.

Conflict takes place in an environment of mistrust. Compassion helps to restore some measure of basic trust so that some form of functional communication can take place. When that communication occurs, we usually will learn something essential for the resolution of the matter. We already know what we think. Compassion allows us to understand what they think, and why.
By Brian Muldoon

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

An Inflexible Ex: You and the children

If you're one of those divorced persons who have a contentious relationship with their exes, be ever so careful that you don't let it have an impact on the mental well being of the children you are parenting together.

Unfortunately, children are almost always victims when it comes to divorce -- helpless victims who love both parents -- and the last thing they need is to feel the tension and acrimony between the two people they love the most. Nor do they need to feel they must choose one parent over the other. But I find that couples are so caught up in their anger, need for control, or bitterness that they don't fully realize how their behavior (their unkind words and actions toward one another) can affect their children, who are often left feeling they must pit one parent against the other.

Whenever I find myself talking to the children of parents who are involved in a custody battle, for example, or simply caught between Mom and Dad as they fight over visitation matters, I feel a tremendous sadness. I often wish that parents could simply walk around in their children's shoes during just one of those inappropriate incidents. Then they could feel the stress and discomfort their children experience.
by Stacy D. Phillips

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

Thursday, July 1, 2010

The "Move-Away" Case

Parents who share custody of their children face a difficult dilemma when one parent wants to relocate or move away to a relatively distant location thereby effecting a Move-Away Case. Recent California cases indicate that in custody situations, if one parent is functionally the primary parent and the children have been living primarily with that parent, that parent is likely to be permitted by the courts to move away and take the children along, even if he or she agreed earlier not to move away or relocate.

California Family Code section 7501 provides, "A parent entitled to the custody of a child has a right to change the residence of the child, subject to the power of the court to restrain a removal that would prejudice the rights or welfare of the child."

Although this statute appears to be straightforward, the interpretation of it has not been. The right of a custodial parent to move away with a minor child when doing so would adversely affect the noncustodial parent's visitation has been the subject of many diverse and contradictory appellate decisions over the last decade. Many courts approved restrictions on the parent's right to move away or relocate with the child and imposed burdens such as proving that move away was "necessary" or "expedient, essential or imperative." Some devised compound tests for move away cases to guide the trial courts in making the determination. Others, on the other hand, simply held that the custodial parent was presumptively entitled to move away.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--

The Effects of Divorce and Pregnancy!

I can’t imagine anything more worrisome to a woman than being faced with divorce while expecting a child, yet sadly enough, it happens far more often than you’d think. In fact, a friend of mine is currently going through the hardest time of her life, as just days after discovering she was pregnant, she decided it was time for a divorce. What prompts a woman to consider divorce when she’s pregnant and is it difficult to get a divorce when a woman is with child?
Can a Couple Get Divorced When Pregnant?

While it may seem peculiar to grant divorce when a person is pregnant, in most states a couple can file for divorce if the wife is pregnant. But since the laws are different in every state, it’s important to check the laws where you reside to find out whether you can file for divorce in your particular state. For example, those living in the state of Florida cannot file for divorce while the wife is pregnant whereas in Texas, you can file for divorce if you are pregnant, but the divorce cannot be finalized until the child is born. This law is in place so as to assure child support and child custody issues are handled appropriately. In other states such as Ohio, Arkansas, Missouri and Arizona, a divorce will not be granted if the woman is pregnant. Divorce can occur in many states, with areas of most concern surrounding legalities involving paternity, custody, visitation and support.
StraightDivorce Staff

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/--