Thursday, February 25, 2010

Unique Challenges for Spouses From Abroad

Bringing a foreign spouse to live in the U.S. presents a unique challenge to the couple in question. Even though a spouse is considered an immediate relative, he or she must gain approval before entering the U.S.

To do this, you must first establish your relationship meaning that a formal weddingmust have already taken place. Your spouse must then go through the immigration process and receive a valid immigrant visa to enter the United States. This can sometimes mean waiting for a visa number to become available.

To combat the wait, your spouse can file a Form I-129F – nonimmigrant K-3 Visa – at the same time that the immigrant petition is filed. This will allow them to live and work in the U.S. while your immigrant visa petition is pending. If your spouse does not file the petition for a K-3 Visa, they may be forced to wait outside the country until their application for immigrant status has been approved.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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HOw Your Assets Can be Affected in a Marriage or Divorce

Everyone knows that marriage and divorce can mean big changes in your life. What you may not realize however, is that there can also be some major financial impacts on both parties.

Financial Considerations in Divorce
In the event of a divorce, many of these financial aspects come into play. Since both parties are entitled to a share in the community property acquired, when ending a marriage a court must decide who gets what so that each spouse walks away with an equitable distribution. Debts must also be divided up as well as any future income, retirement benefits or otherwise expected financial events. Should one spouse make considerably more than the other, there may also be the possibility of alimony.

For this reason, many couples come to an agreement regarding their various assets – what’s to remain separate property and what’s not. This document, called a prenuptial agreement, allows couples to outline the financial aspect of their relationship before the marriage ever takes place.

For more on the financial aspects of marriage and divorce, read this book about protecting your financial security when getting a divorce and this book about divorce and money.

Financial Considerations in Marriage
With the formation of a legal marriage comes a number of benefits, including a whole slew of rights and entitlements as the legal “spouse”. But marriage also changes your rights as a property owner as well as your obligations toward debt.

Many states have community property laws that entitle each spouse to 50% of property acquired during the marriage. This “property” includes the house, the cars, furniture and even any money earned during that time. As a spouse, you also have an ownership in your partner’s retirement portfolio, such as 401(k) or IRA. There are exceptions to this rule of course, such as inheritances and gifts. This type of asset remains separate property, even in the event that it was acquired during the marriage.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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What is a Bifurcated Divorce: Splitting your Dissolution Case into Parts

In some states, the court will allow a divorce case to be bifurcated or split into two parts. Generally, if a case is bifurcated, the first issue resolved is marital status. The court grants the couple a divorce – making them each legally single again – but reserves all remaining issues for trial at a later date. The remaining issues could include matters such as property distribution,child custody, child support, alimony or business valuation.

The reasons for bifurcation are many and vary from case to case. The most common reasons for bifurcation are spouses who wish toremarry, tax implications of filing income tax returns as a single person, complex financial matters which will take a substantial amount of time (months or even years) to review and analyze before any property settlement can be considered and the psychological impact of legally ending the marriage.

In especially bitter divorces, a bifurcation can prevent one spouse from trying to wield power over the other spouse’s personal life by delaying the ultimate resolution of the case. Some believe that a bifurcation in that instance takes a bit of wind out of the sails of the stalling party. The case may not be over but the parties are divorced and free to live their lives as single people. The breaking of that legal tie can also help spouses begin to move on emotionally from a troubled marriage- even if they are still hammering out details of a settlement or arguing over other issues. On the flip side, the actual divorce can be an excellent incentive to reach a settlement. In a bifurcated case, that incentive is taken away.

To veiw this article in its entirety, kindly click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Bifurcation

It can take many months, even several years, for a dissolution to wind its way through the courts. Faced with his fact, many spouses want to terminate the marriage quickly, even if the other issues in the case have not been settled. There might also be situations in which it makes sense to have a separate trial of a particular issue.

In both of those situations, the court will order that the trial is to be “bifurcated.” This means either that the marital status is terminated and the parties are restored to their single status or a separate trial is to be held concerning a specific issue.

Bifurcations are usually requested because one or both of the spouses want to remarry. They are also sought because one or both of them want to file their tax returns for the current year as a "single" taxpayer.

The tax laws state that a person can file as a "single" person as long as his or her marital status was terminated before the end of the year. Thus, even if the marital status is ended on December 31st, the taxpayer can file as a "single" person for the entire year.

This can be significant, particularly for the person who is paying spousal or "family" support. Payments of spousal and family support are 100% deductible for the person who is ordered to make those payments. Conversely, spousal and family support payments must be reported as income by the person receiving them. Income tax laws provide that these support payments are not deductible if the spouses file a joint tax return.

If you have been paying spousal or family support pursuant to a court order or written agreement you should immediately talk to your accountant or tax preparer to determine if it would be to your advantage to file as a single person for this year.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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The "Child Up Parenting Plan" Facilitating Child Development Post-Separation

Meaningful parental involvement provides for a lifelong relationship with children. For separated or divorced parents this can be achieved by a dynamic “child-up parenting plan” approach.

The “child-up parenting plan” approach assumes children need and want the best relationship possible with both parents and that the involvement of both parents is important to the emotional health of children now and for their future. Essential to achieving a plan then is an understanding of the developmental needs of children from current age to when they leave home.

Parents may require education on their children’s needs and how these needs change as they grow. Needs may be related to education, religion, health, extra-curricular activities, residence and daily care. The child-up approach takes all these into account and then builds upon the resources, availability and desires of each parent to meet these needs over time. If either parent is lacking in knowledge, skill or ability, the plan may also include counselling or parenting classes. The basic belief is that parents will do whatever is necessary to best meet their children’s needs and will undertake activities to prepare themselves if necessary.

To read this article in its entirety, kindly click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Access and Adolescent- Issues on Both Sides of the Fence

Adolescence has a way of changing everything – including access. Separated parents who have long settled into an access regime now must contend with the wishes of their teenager when determining visits and even with whom they live.

Two key issues come to mind when considering these changes. The first is the changing demands of school, social and working life of the teen. The second is when the sins of the parent come back to haunt them.

When the teenager’s life gets busy, access is viewed as an inconvenience. As such many access parents are confronted with voice messages saying their teen isn’t coming over this weekend. This of course is met with dismay and if there was ever any concern about the custodial parent undermining access, this scenario is certainly a set-up for conflict.

Access parents whose teenagers challenge the terms of access need to talk with them to restructure visitation with particular concern for the teen’s experience. This is certainly a new stage of life and any parent who thinks they can control their teen’s needs, will be sadly mistaken. This is not to say the tail now wags the dog, but rather, the access parent must appreciate the needs of their teen and in the interest of a good relationship, they must show flexibility.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Restricted Access? Consider the Long- Term

Many parents with severely restricted access hold tremendous rage or anger at agencies, institutions, courts or the custodial parent. However, their limited access may be more a consequence of their responses to problems, than the problems directly. Provocation by others cannot be used to excuse their own behaviour if inappropriate or worse, criminal.

First and foremost, parents in such situations must learn to manage their behaviour so that it cannot be used against them. No matter how provoked a parent may feel, they must never act in such a way as to undermine their own self. Parents must consider the consequences of their responses PRIOR to responding and with a view to acting in their own long-term interest rather than the immediacy of the situation.

Secondly, parents in such situations must learn that relationships are a lifelong endeavour. So even though difficult today, parents must be helped to think long-term. They must act now to prepare and build for a relationship even if in their child’s later life like adolescence or adulthood. Don’t miss the chance for something later, by creating new problems today.

To read this article in its entirety, kindly click here.

By Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
Interaction Consultants


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Helping Separated parents Communicate

Communication between separated or divorced parents can be problematic. Depending on the age, health and circumstances of the child, these parents may find it necessary to communicate with each other anywhere from several times daily to at least weekly.

For some parents, ongoing conflict can cause communications to degenerate leading to more difficulties. With this in mind several strategies are often suggested such as telephone contact or a communication book. Both of these strategies pose problems.

The telephone requires hearing the emotional tone of the conversation which can easily lead to the conversation degenerating. Sometimes a parent will tape the conversations for use in court, but then it becomes questionable if this party goaded the other to increase conflict for the taped conversation. Further, clandestine taping inflames the bad feelings of the other parent who may seek retribution

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

By Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
Interaction Consultants


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Counselors Can Find Out What Kids Really Want

Divorced parents often have very different perspectives about what their children want or need.

A short time ago two parents in my court were debating whether their 5-year-old son should fly unescorted between Phoenix and Albuquerque for visitation. The mother said, "He hates to fly." The father said, "He loves to fly." I said, "Are you talking about the same little boy?"

When I asked the mother what made her think her son hated flying she said, "Because he told me so." The father noted that's how he too had got his information. The child had told his father that he loved flying.

A child telling each of his parents different things is a common occurrence in divorce cases. Sometimes children do this to manipulate their parents, but more often the child's goal isn't manipulation or deceit; the child's goal is to make each of the parents happy.

Children are remarkably astute at figuring out what grownups want to hear, especially their parents. One way to make a parent happy is to tell each of them what they want to hear.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

by Honorable Anne Kass.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Chameleon Kids

Sharp-tongued parents turn children into chameleons.

Chameleon kids are an all too frequent product of divorce. These are children who behave, think and feel one way at dad's house and an altogether different way at mom's house.

Chameleon kids often tell each of their parents different stories to keep them both happy. Telling each parent, "I want to live with you." is a common example. Complaining about or criticizing one parent to the other parent is another.

Chameleon kids go far beyond that, however. Sometimes they change the way they dress, their interests, and virtually all aspects of their lives as they go back and forth between their parents' homes.

In one case a teenage girl rode horses at her mom's house and talked about rodeos. At dad's house, she wore preppie clothes and talked about school proms.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

by Honorable Anne Kass



For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Joint Custody and the Best Interest Standard

"In the best interest of the child" or "child's best interest" is the famous mantra of the family court prevalent in child custody proceedings today, yet its interpretation by the family court or judges is often arbitrary and its meaning is still obscure. Moreover, the law regarding child custody varies from state to state, leaving no uniform legal position regarding what is in the best interest of the child. Some states have a preference and presumption towards joint custody, while others do not. Some states are amending laws to adopt a preference and presumption for joint custody, while others are amending laws to allow joint custody only when the parents agree to it.

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Child Custody Orders and Judicial Authority

For many divorced and separated parents with children, there is a common answer as to why they ended up with the child custody and visitation arrangement they have: "the judge decided it." In other words, the judge chose the parenting arrangement based on his or her belief of what was in the child's best interest.

Judges do not always make the child custody decision or choose the parenting plan arrangement. In fact, more often than not, the judge will not make the child custody decision for the parents. It is usually when the parents are unable to reach an agreement on child custody that a judge will choose the parenting arrangement for them. If the judge makes the child custody decision for the parents, it is often referred to as a final judicial order or judgment on child custody.

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Who Gets Custody in California?

Like most states, the standard for child custody determinations in California is the overall best interest of the child with an emphasis on ensuring the "health, safety, and welfare" of the child and "frequent and continuing contact" with both parents absent child abuse, domestic violence, or where the contact would not be in the best interest of the child as provided in California Family Code Section 3011 (See also California Family Code Sections 3011, 3020, 3040, 3080).

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Don't Divorce The Children

Does divorce traumatize children? The answer depends on two factors: the child's resiliency and the environment created by divorce. People are unique in their personal makeup. Some experience events like they're made of Teflon - it just slides off. Others experience events as severe trauma - they are enduringly influenced. While parents can do no more for the former, once they have left their DNA, they have a great deal of influence over the latter.

How can parents help to minimize the risk of trauma to children during and after divorce?

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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The Parenting Plan and the Teenager

In the process of a divorce with minor children, the parenting plan is among the most important tasks since it can have long-lasting consequences on both children and parents. Carefully considering the situation of parents and children is important to realize dividends later. While each situation is unique, some general observations are helpful. This is especially true when considering the teenage minor.

When a significant disruption occurs in the lives of children, one key concern is how it affects the child's mental, emotional and social development. Teenagers are generally in the process of developing many coping skills necessary for healthy adult living. Among these skills, are more complex relationship abilities, including self-image and tolerance for intimacy. Stunted development can lead to future problems in exercising good judgment in social relationships.

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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The Parenting Plan and the Young Child

Today we look at the needs of younger children. The younger child is experiencing the most critical stages of psychosocial development. They are learning how to thrive in their environments, make and maintain connections with others, and adapt to changing worlds.

Infants have little understanding of divorce, but are highly sensitive to stress and tension generated by adults and older siblings in the family unit. Toddlers are developing attachments to their primary caretakers. Disruptions caused by divorce may produce moodiness, withdrawal, fear or attention-seeking behaviors. These children need quality time and consistent, loving care. When there are transitions, providing familiar objects (bottles, blankets, etc.) and maintaining consistent time schedules (naps, bed-time rituals, meal times, etc.) are important...

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Divorce Registry

Your wife took the tool box. Your husband took the crystal. Now what do you do? Register!

Registries are the norm for brides and grooms-to-be…but what about divorcees? The idea is gaining momentum, and not for mercenary reasons. Divorce is painful. A bad marriage can make you feel dead inside. Even an amicable divorce leaves you with a sense of loss. Rebuilding your home is a way back to rebuilding your heart.

Many friends and relatives want to help. You should let them. Let them know about divorce parties and the registry.
Written by Divorcecandy.com

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Do’s and Don’ts of Divorce Negotiation

Divorce negotiations can be very stressful and highly emotional. When you enter into divorce negotiations there are some very basic behaviors that can either hurt or help you and the ultimate settlement of your divorce. Sticking to some basic guidelines can help keep things less emotional and less intense while you and your spouse start working out the variety of possible outcomes.

It is not easy to listen, but the better you become at listening the better things are going to go for you. Listening does not include formulating thoughts and responses ahead of time, interrupting your spouse, and responding with physical aggression. Most people listen better when they take notes, which allows you to keep a black and white record of what is being said. This helps you to be sure that you are covering all of the points and actually hearing what your spouse is saying...

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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The Most Common Reasons for Divorce and Separation

There are many reasons why a couple may consider a divorce and while there are literally hundreds of reasons some of the reasons tend to stand out more, and are amongst the most common cited. This may or may not be your reasons for a divorce but they are definitely worth noting.

Poor Communication
This is the single biggest reason that couples end up in divorce court. Bad news is if you could not talk during your marriage to resolve issues, it is not likely to improve when you add lawyers and courts to the mix. Expect a divorce based around this problem to drag out a while. If you both had great communication skills together, you would probably be able to resolve your issues. However, many couples have this problem and it is amazing each year how many more divorces are filed this year because of it.

Financial Problems
This is the second most serious marital problem that can occur. Reason being that if you have financial problems, the rest of your life is full of stress. If you are stressed out, the smallest things will irritate you and possibly create a huge fight. This is never a good sign, try to do whatever you can to resolve those financial problems if you want to avoid divorce. This includes curbing your shopaholic ways, saving more money, trimming back on bills, maybe even getting a better paying job. But it is important to realize that not everyone has the ability to get a better job or cut back again on bills. If this is not an option then you cannot totally blame your spouse...

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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CA Assembly Bill 612 and Parental Alienation

In 2009, an estimated 16,000 U.S. children were living in domestic violence emergency shelters.

For each one of those children, Shelter Outreach Plus supports Assembly Bill 612 and its efforts to ban the use of "Parental Alienation" in California courtrooms. AB 612, sponsored by Jim Beall Jr., D-San Jose, seeks to prohibit courts from considering nonscientific or "junk" theories when making decisions on child custody or visitation. Parental Alienation is an unscientific, unproven, unsupported theory that, by definition, is a "syndrome" brought on when a child is pressured by a parent suffering from "deflated self-esteem" as "part of a normal grieving response to interpersonal loss" and "the alienating parent may or may not be consciously aware of manipulating the child."

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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“The People’s Law College” continues with “Taking the Mystery Out of Child Custody”

Taking the Mystery Out of Child Custody” is the second in a series of five lectures comprising “The People's Law College.” Hosted by the Adams-Pratt Oakland County Law Library and sponsored by the Public Service Committee of the Oakland County Bar Association, the lectures are intended to enable attendees to educate themselves on legal issues.

“Taking the Mystery Out of Child Custody” is scheduled for Tuesday, February 23, 2010 from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m.

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Summer Visitation Trips for Divorced Parents

School's out, and summer visitation with the non-custodial parent means a change in your children's normal routine. You can ease the transition and make things go smoother by using some of the following tips:

Bon Voyage By Brette Sember

Many children spend large chunks of time with their non-custodial parent over the summer. Whether your child is going across town to spend a few weeks with your ex, traveling to another state for visitation, or is packing up to go away on a big trip with your ex, preparing for and adjusting to the absence can be very difficult.

Set Your Mind at Ease

When your child is preparing to go away for summer visitation, do some advance planning that will help you feel comfortable with the vacation or the trip. Find out where your child is going and get the contact information. Ask questions so you know what the plan is. If your child will be traveling, get the details of the itinerary. Make sure your ex understands your child's capabilities when it comes to swimming, hiking, or other activities. If your child is going to another state to stay with your ex, find out who will provide child care while your ex is at work.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.
For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Getting Help for an Emotional Affair

Infidelity is devastating, but finding out that your husband is involved in an emotional affair can literally take your breath away. With this type of affair, there exists the possibility that he will choose the other woman over you. To help you get a grasp of why men have emotional affairs and learn how to proceed, read the following advice from Dr. Robert Huizenga.
Your Marriage Made Him Do It?

Infidelity is complex. You probably know that or perhaps feel the overwhelm and confusion. But to begin healing, you need to understand what is going on.

Did you know there are 7 different kinds of affairs? Well, there may be more, but after a couple decades of clinical work and research, I've identified 7. One kind of affair I write about in my e-book, Break Free From the Affair is called, "My Marriage Made Me Do It."

Here are some signs and patterns you can expect in this kind of emotional affair:

Expect that your spouse will have a very powerful attachment to the other person.

The other person will consistently be on her mind. Your spouse will shift energy away from you, the children, the household and career to his affair relationship. He will be focused, but not on you. Your spouse will attempt to push you away by avoiding you, ignoring you, closing off communication or walking away.

The affair will most likely be a long-term affair.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Protecting Your Credit During Divorce

Protecting your credit during divorce should begin when you first separate or start thinking about getting a divorce.


Since your financial future depends in part on a good credit standing, how you handle yourself during the actual divorce can make a big difference. Below you will find tips for handling your finances that will go a long ways towards protecting your credit:
Handling Joint Debts

Since joint credit accounts are the responsibility of both spouses, you need to find out just what you are liable for. One way to get a clear idea of your joint debts is to order your credit report. Not only will you discover the debts that belong to both you and your spouse, but also those accounts that belong solely to you.

You need to pay special attention to your joint credit obligations that your spouse has access to. These can include mortgages, home equity lines of credit, finance and auto loans, credit cards, and bank loans. If you are worried that your spouse may open credit cards in your name, you might consider using a credit monitoring service. These services will notify you anytime there is a change to your credit history, whether it's new accounts being opened or large charges on old accounts.

Close Joint Accounts If Possible

Ideally, you should close all your joint credit accounts that don't have an account balance. To close a joint account, call the bank or creditor to request that the account be closed. Take notes of your conversations, including times, dates and contact names, and write down any instructions the creditors gives you. Make it clear that you will not be responsible for any further charges as of the day you call.

You will also want to follow up with a letter stating that you want the account closed, and keep a copy of the letter for your own records. If the creditor lets you close the account, ask that they report that the account was closed at your request to the credit bureaus.

Freezing Accounts that Can't Be Closed...

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.



For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Divorce Considerations

If you are thinking about ending your marriage, or are currently in the divorce process, the most important thing you need to do is accept responsibility for the outcome of your divorce. Because a woman's standard of living generally drops at least 30% after a divorce, the decisions that you make now can have a considerable effect on your future.

It is wise to establish a plan of action instead of going into your divorce blindly. Begin by being well informed and organized with the Divorce Record Keeper, a comprehensive divorce considerations help guide. This resource will enable you to keep track and record everything about your divorce from start to finish in a easy to reference fashion.

If it is inevitable that your marriage will end, utilize the following divorce considerations to protect yourself. Most importantly, if your spouse has initiated proceedings, do not sign anything until you are represented and informed by a lawyer. Also, do not use the same lawyer that is representing your spouse. Retain your own attorney to level the playing field and have fair representation.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Monday, February 22, 2010

Divorce During a Recession

Delays. Mediation. Cohabitation. The recession is complicating the already messy process of breaking up.

A couple recently stopped by divorce attorney Ron Ousky's office with lousy news. The husband's income was just slashed by $100,000 and the couple needed an unbiased financial planner to figure out if they could still afford to split.

They delayed their divorce by several months to rework finances and whip up a new settlement based on lower income.

You've heard of love in springtime. This is divorce in recession.

Layoffs, wage cuts, foreclosures and other financial setbacks are forcing many couples into reworked settlements, creative separations and postponements, divorce experts say. Enrollment in self-help classes for divorce is also rising.

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Divorce and Child Custody: Complexities and "No-fault Custody"

An Op-Ed piece in the New York Times ("No Fault of Their Own", by the marriage and family therapist Ruth Bettelheim, Feb. 17, 2010) has proposed "no-fault custody proceedings" as a solution to bitter struggles about child custody when couples divorce. Bettelheim suggested "fixed formulas" for child support as an approach that would take money out of the argument. She also proposed that binding mediation is a way to develop custody agreements that could not be discarded later on. Importantly, Bettelheim noted that in practice, the principle of the child's "best interests" may mean energy spent as each parent tries to show that the other parent is worse, rather than trying to determine the true best interests.

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Parental Alienation Must Be Excluded From All Custody Hearings

Parental Alienation is a perilous accusation that should never be recognized in courts or viewed as particularly compelling in cases deciding the custody of a child, especially when resolving profoundly difficult questions concerning the scary scenario of placing that child back into the home of a domestic violence abuser.


By definition, Parental Alienation is a “syndrome” that manifest in the process of divorce when a parent suffering from “deflated self-esteem” as “part of a normal grieving response to interpersonal loss” to “enforce their agenda” and “The alienating parent may or may not be consciously aware of manipulating the child and the legal/social systems. Alienating parents often believe that the accusations they make are true, but have developed those beliefs by a faulty reasoning process.”

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Parenting Tips During a Divorce

Marriage has been in the news quite frequently as of late due to John Edwards and Tiger Woods, among others. Despite the infidelities of those involved, one aspect of these marital battles that has been overlooked is the kids. Often times, children are caught in the cross fire of these love stories turned court room dramas.

Despite divorce taking an emotional toll on the bride and groom, it has a massive rippling effect with children, no matter what their age.

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Facebook Infidelity Used By Lawyers in Divorce Cases

There's no question that the social networking boom has led to an increase in cheating spouses. But what might be surprising is that social networking is being more commonly used in the courtroom -- as evidence.

According to the New York Post, a recent survey from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers shows that 81-percent of the lawyers questioned said they've used evidence from social networking sites more and more often over the past five years. Of those surveyed, 66-percent have used incriminating evidence from Facebook, 15-percent from MySpace, and just 5-percent from Twitter. "Every client I've seen in the last six months had a Facebook page," AAML vice-president Ken Altshuler told the New York Post. "The first piece of advice I give them is to terminate their page immediately."

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Family Courts Implicated in Infants' Murders

National and local advocacy groups are expressing outrage over what has become a disturbing national trend of divorcing Dads killing their children and themselves. 8-month-old baby Bekm was shot and killed by his father, Nicholas Bacon, in Meridian, Idaho just 48 hours ago, while 9-month-old baby Wyatt was killed by his father Stephen Garcia just ten days ago in San Bernardino County. Details are still emerging about the tragic Idaho murder-suicide of baby Bekm on Monday night.

In the Garcia case, three different judges refused multiple requests by the child's mother for restraining orders to protect her child, despite police reports and documented death threats by the father in text messages and on Facebook.

"The system failed Wyatt Garcia and Katie Tagle,'' said California Assemblymember Jim Beall, Jr., the lead sponsor of Assembly Bill 612, which aims to prevent the use of non-scientific theories in California family courts. "Wyatt's tragic death was completely avoidable."

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Friday, February 19, 2010

Don't Let Divorce Fail Too

A favorite fantasy of many divorced parents is that their former spouse will disappear. They imagine that they will never again need to bother with or be bothered by their "ex". It comes as a great surprise to many to learn that for two people who have a child together, "till death do us part," was not just a marriage vow. It is reality.

People who have an unavoidable, life-long connection need to learn how to communicate in a constructive way. Divorced parents who don't learn civil communication skills will have a failed-divorce that will harm their children even more than their failed-marriage did.

One communication skill we should all learn is how to manage triangle interactions. A triangle interaction is one in which person-A talks to person-B about person-C. Another name for this pattern is gossip. It is seldom helpful and almost always harmful, particularly when relationships are strained. Unfortunately, triangle communication is a pattern at which most of us are highly skilled.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.
For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Honor and HOnesty is Refreshing to See

Recently a couple, who had been married for 34 years and divorced for 4, came to court and showed us what integrity looks like. They also proved again that a contract or promise is only as good as the honor of the parties who make it.

This couple had gotten one of those quick, cheap divorces four years earlier. The legal paper work was a mess. About the only thing it did properly was divorce them. Their property settlement agreement divided property they didn't own and didn't mention some property they did own!

However, even though the legal papers were a confused jumble, the two parties had done what they had verbally agreed to do. The husband had paid the wife half of his retirement pay every month although the divorce papers didn't say a word about that income source. He said he did it because he had promised to do it. The wife had signed deeds transferring title of two parcels of real estate to husband, but these transfers weren't listed in the divorce papers. It had been done because that's what they had agreed to do. Also, husband paid debts he wasn't legally bound to pay because he considered it his responsibility to pay the family bills.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Good Divorce Lawyers Tell you Bad News

have heard people who are thinking about getting a divorce say, "I want the meanest, toughest attorney I can find. I want a fighter." I always shudder and say that a fighter is the last thing anyone should want in a lawyer.

Fighter-attorneys may make a client feel good as they harass and humiliate the other spouse, but fighter-attorneys cost tons of money and they always make things worse--for both parties.

So, what are the characteristics of a good lawyer in divorce cases?

First, the hallmark of a good lawyer is that he or she will tell a client things the client does not want to hear. A good lawyer gives clients bad news.

In divorce cases there is always a good deal of bad news to be given.

--There will not be enough money to maintain the standard of living the family is used to.

--Often the family residence will have to be sold.

--Each parent will spend less time with the children because there will be a second home in which the children will spend time.

--The children may begin to misbehave or do poorly in school or exhibit other unfortunate problems, which will consume more time, energy and possibly money to pay counselors to try to solve.

To read this article in its entirety, click here.
For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Disappear

The fondest hope of many divorced parents is that their former spouse will disappear. They want never to have to deal or interact with the "ex" again. That's an understandable goal, but it's impossible to do.

Two people who have created a child together are connected to one another forever and ever. Their divorce will "change" their relationship, not "end" it. These parents need to decide if their on-going connection will be a respectful and dignified one, or if it will it be ugly.

They need also to know that whichever connection they choose--dignified or ugly--will have an enormous effect on their children.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Parents Teach Children to Hold Grudges

Most parents know that children learn by watching their parents. It is also true that children instinctively know that talk is cheap. When a parent says one thing but does the opposite, it is the behavior that the child learns from, not the words.

Like all parents, divorced parents want their children to grow up to embrace certain values and behaviors. They want their children to grow up to be kind, courteous and truthful. They also want their children to sustain friendships and family. Sustaining friendships and family requires that one know how to forgive because friends and family members inevitably make mistakes that, if unforgiven, will destroy the relationship.

Unfortunately, all too many divorced parents do not show their children these values.

Parents who say cruel and hurtful things to and about one another are teaching their children to be unkind and rude.

To red this article in its entirety, please click here.


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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"Good Providers" can be Rotton at Marriage

Recently, a soon-to-be-ex-husband, stated he did not want the divorce to happen. He insisted he had been a good husband and father. As proof he noted that he had provided all the money his wife and children needed to live materially-rich lives.

That scene has been played out in my court more times than I can count. The point of view seems to be that money is the measure of a successful spouse or parent. The belief seems to be that by providing money one will have met his responsibilities and deserve to be acclaimed an accomplished parent and spouse.

But that's not how it works.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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It Doesn't Pay to Lie to Children

Parents shouldn't lie to their children.

I doubt anyone would disagree with this principle. Still, I hear many divorcing parents do just that! I suspect that many parents who are not divorced may often lie to their offspring as well.

One of the most common lies parents tell is in response to their children noticing that the parent is upset, angry, sad, or frightened. When the child asks, "What's wrong?" the parent misleadingly replies, "Nothing."

The parent would be wiser to say, "Thank you for noticing that I am upset. I will be O.K." The response should not, however, include a detailed description of why the parent is upset. There are some parents who tell their children far more of the truth than the children have the capacity to understand, which is just as bad as telling a lie.

Parents who fib probably believe they are being kind by saving their child from worrying about grown-up problems.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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How is Child Support Determined?

In order to establish consistency and predictability in the amount of child support awards, the federal government mandates child support guidelines to be used by the states.

Most of the guidelines take into consideration the income of both parents. The percentage of the couple's combined income that each parent contributes helps determine the amount they will be obligated to pay in child support. Some states will base their formula on gross income, while others will use net income.

If a parent is already paying child support or alimony from a previous situation, they will generally be allowed to deduct that amount from their income. Typically, there are two requirements to qualify for this deduction: the support payments must be court-ordered (not voluntary) and the parent must actually be making the payments. A parent is not allowed to make deductions from his or her income for the support of a subsequent spouse or children.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Thursday, February 18, 2010

Study Finds Divorce Permantely Effects Health- Even After Remarriage

NEW YORK -- A new study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior says that losing a spouse, whether through divorce or death, can have serious effects on one's overall health. The damage can last even if the person remarries, the research finds.

"We argue that losing a marriage through divorce or widowhood is extremely stressful and that a high-stress period takes a toll on health," University of Chicago sociology professor Linda J. Waite said in a press statement on Monday. "Think of health as money in the bank. Think of a marriage as a mechanism for 'saving' or adding to health. Think of divorce as a period of very high expenditures."

The study examined 8,652 Americans who had filled out a 1992 national health survey. All were at least 50 years old now. Fifty-five percent of them had been continually married, four percent had always been single, and the remaining 41% had gone through at least one instance of divorce or widowhood.

To view this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Coping with Inconsistent Parent Access

Children develop their sense of self and place in the world through their relationship to their parents. A child’s self esteem is built on the notion that, “I am of value as a person to the degree to which my parents take interest in me.” Children feel their parents’ interest in them by the amount of time spent with them. Many parents talk of quality time, but the best indicator of quality is quantity and consistency. These days when parents speak of quality, they really mean that they do not spend much time with their child, but when they do, they spoil them. This is not good for children. Rather, children need ample and regular attention from both parents in their normal living situations. Let’s face it, we only do spend time with people we value and children feel this.

When a parent is not active in a child’s life, the child may be emotionally crushed, feeling unworthy. As such, the child may no longer strive to succeed socially, academically and later, economically. Some children may even demonstrate these feelings of unworthiness through disruptive behavior. Alternately, some children develop rich fantasy lives to protect themselves from feelings of worthlessness. They tell themselves their parent must be doing very important things otherwise they would surely be here. Such children grow up with unrealistic views of other people and relationships.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.
For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Fathers' Rights and Child Custody Law

Prior to the twentieth century, common law jurisdictions typically treated children as the property of the father, and thus following divorce the father would gain custody as a matter of course. With the development of psychological science over the twentieth century, most jurisdictions completely transformed this presumption of paternal custody, instead imposing the so-called "tender years" doctrine which held that absent extraordinary circumstances young children should always be placed in the custody of their mothers.

As it became apparent that both of these models were fundamentally flawed - two sides of the same bad penny - a wide assortment of alternative models arose, each of which attempts to discern the custodial arrangement that is in the "best interests" of the children. Typically, these models include a presumption that the parent who served as the primary caregiver during a marriage should be the primary custodian following divorce.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Parental Alien Syndrome

Parental alienation syndrome (PAS) has only recently been recognized in the literature as a phenomenon occurring with sufficient frequency and with particular defining characteristics as to warrant recognition. Today, PAS is attracting the attention of clinicians, researchers, social service agencies, parent groups and the legal community. As well, it is an issue that has fuelled considerable debate with respect to the validity of its existence. In spite of the divisiveness that has evolved around this topic, one issue that few will debate is the fact that too many children are caught in a "tug of war" between their separated parents.

Parental alienation syndrome has been variously defined. Based on my background in family studies as well as my observations of client families, I have developed the following definition:

"..the deliberate attempt by one parent (and/or guardian/significant other) to distance his/her children from the other parent and in doing so, the parent engages the children in the process of destroying the affectional and familial bonds that once existed"

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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The Prenuptial Agreement

A prenuptial agreement, sometimes called a premarital agreement, is a contract between people who intend to marry which governs what will happen to their assets in the event of divorce. Historically, courts viewed prenuptial agreements with suspicion, believing that they discouraged people from getting married. Today, most jurisdictions permit prenuptial agreements, taking the opposite perspective that they can actually help facilitate marriage.

The word "prenuptial" is one of the most frequently misspelled words in legal parlance. The term is derived from the word "nuptial", which means "of or relating to marriage or the wedding ceremony". While a hyphenated reference to a "pre-nuptial agreement", or the short-hand reference to a "prenup", can be acceptable, the misspelling "prenuptual" is not. If you see a website advertising "prenuptual agreements", the author of the page probably doesn't know anything about the subject.

Prenuptial agreements are perhaps most common in situations where one person has considerable assets or earning capacity, or owns a business, and is marrying a person who has significantly fewer assets. An agreement as to a future property settlement or spousal support (alimony) payments can provide the wealthier spouse with financial protection, and at the same time with some assurance that the marriage is about love and not money.

To read this article in its entirety, click here.
For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Leaving Children Home Alone

Although the idea of older children and teenagers spending time unsupervised is no longer novel, with as many as one third of the nation's school age children spending some time unsupervised in a typical week, there are valid safety concerns in leaving children at home alone.

You can check with your state's Department of Social Services to see if your state has a minimum age for leaving children unsupervised. You are likely to find that there is no specific age, although the common recommendation is that children under twelve be provided with appropriate supervision while their parents are away from home. There may also be a suggestion that an older sibling, even if old enough to be left at home alone, is not necessarily an appropriate babysitter for younger siblings.

There is good reason not to set a specific age at which children may be left at home alone. Specifically, no matter what age you pick there will be some children who are not sufficiently mature to look after themselves. It would not be good public policy to effectively grant parents immunity for the consequences of what they know to be poor parenting decisions, merely because a child has reached the age specified in a statute or regulation. Also, the nature and duration of the parents' absence can significantly affect the age at which the child should be left alone. A twelve-year-old may be perfectly comfortable taking care of himself after school until a parent gets home from work, but that does not mean that he's sufficiently mature to stay at home alone while his parents take a two week tour of Europe.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Common Law Marriage

Common law marriage is a marriage that results from the actions of a couple, despite the fact that they have not obtained a marriage license or fulfilled the requirements of a state's statutory marriage laws. This typically means that the couple has cohabitated for a period of time, usually a year or more, while having an agreement to be married and holding themselves out to the world as husband and wife.

Not every state permits common law marriages. For example, Michigan has elimated common law marriage by statute, and no period of cohabitation will result in marriage. At the same time, where a couple became married under the common law of a different state or country, their marriage is likely to be recognized even in a state such as Michigan. The "full faith and credit" rule of the U.S. Constitution ordinarily compels the recognition of a marriage made valid under the laws of a sister state.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Legal Separation and Separate Maintenance

Sometimes, when a divorce seems imminent, a married couple inquires about the possibility of "legal separation". Some states refer to legal separation by other names, such as "separate maintenance".

Usually, when people use the term "legal separation", they are referring to a situation where a court has entered an order governing what will happen while the parties are separated, perhaps covering issues such as child custody and support, and spousal support (alimony).

Typically, a court will have the power to resolve as part of a "legal separation" any and all issues that would normally be resolved in a divorce. The exception is that when the final order is entered by the court, the parties remain married.

Also, most jurisdictions require a waiting or "cooling off" period before a court will issue a divorce judgment, but there is not ordinarily a waiting period before a court may issue an order of "legal separation" or "separate maintenance".

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Dividing the Marital Home in Divorce

Although the marital home is usually the most valuable asset in a divorce case, divorcing couples and their lawyers can be surprisingly casual in its treatment in a property settlement or divorce judgment. Similarly, the mortgage on the marital home is often the biggest shared liability of a divorcing couple, yet little thought is given to securing settlement or judgment terms which will protect a spouse who relinqueshes possession or ownership of the home in the event that the home is not sold or refinanced as agreed or in a timely manner.

If one partner will be keeping the marital home, the judgment will ideally set forth a date by which that partner will have refinanced the home to remove the other spouse from any financial obligation, and will buy out the other spouse's equity. Similarly, it will provide for when and how the spouse who moves out of the home will transfer title.

Particularly when children are involved, a divorcing couple may seek a way to permit one spouse to stay in the marital home after the divorce even though it will not be possible to refinance the home until a later date. If possible, this should involve the parties agreeing to the value of the home, or stipulating to an appraisal, with the spouse who is going to stay in the home buying out the other spouse's interest. In this ideal scenario the spouse who stays in the home will work with the mortgage financing company or refinance the home, such that the other spouse is removed from any mortgages, liens, or other financial obligations relating to the home.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.
For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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The 'Child -Up Parenting Plan'

Meaningful parental involvement provides for a lifelong relationship with children. For separated or divorced parents this can be achieved by a dynamic “child-up parenting plan” approach.

The “child-up parenting plan” approach assumes children need and want the best relationship possible with both parents and that the involvement of both parents is important to the emotional health of children now and for their future. Essential to achieving a plan then is an understanding of the developmental needs of children from current age to when they leave home.

Parents may require education on their children’s needs and how these needs change as they grow. Needs may be related to education, religion, health, extra-curricular activities, residence and daily care. The child-up approach takes all these into account and then builds upon the resources, availability and desires of each parent to meet these needs over time. If either parent is lacking in knowledge, skill or ability, the plan may also include counselling or parenting classes. The basic belief is that parents will do whatever is necessary to best meet their children’s needs and will undertake activities to prepare themselves if necessary.

To read this article in entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Preferred, Estranged or Alienated?

Divorce, when children are involved, is a common but complex process. Quite often the request for a custody and access assessment comes hot on the heels of one parent alleging that the other parent is undermining or obstructing access. The parent who feels wronged will claim they are being alienated. The term “parental alienation,” was first coined by the late psychiatrist, Dr. Richard Gardner. According to his theory, the child is brainwashed by one parent against the other so that the child rejects the other parent as if it were the child’s own idea. Further, in these scenarios, allegations of abuse are posited against the rejected parent but there is no tangible evidence to support the abuse allegations. Parental alienation is different though from estrangement. With estrangement, the rejected parent has acted in a tangible way so as to reasonably elicit their child’s rejection, whether or not the rejected parent takes responsibility for their actions.

The reality is, that children can prefer or reject a parent for many reasons, including the child’s temperament, gender issues, simple preferences, siding with the custodial parent, anger at the rejected parent’s behaviour or any combination thereof.

For instance, a 9-year-old boy has enjoyed a good relationship with his mother. His father has been marginal, often busy with work. The boy has been sheltered from the distancing in the marital relationship between his parents. The boy learns of his mother’s affair and witnesses his father’s anguish when he learns of his wife’s infidelity.

Upon marital separation, the child relentlessly seeks to reside with his father and in pursuit of this objective displays a distain for his mother. His mother, through a Court process alleges the father has poisoned the boy against her as retribution for the affair. On the surface her allegation is plausible and serves as the basis of a hotly contested battle wherein the boy becomes entrenched in his position while the father takes a passive position resting his case on the stated desires of the child.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Grandparents' Rights to Visitation

Historically, following the death of a child, an acrimonious divorce leaving custody with a child's former spouse, or the breakdown of their relationship with a child, grandparents have been without any legal right to secure granparenting time visitation with their grandchildren. With the aging of the population, and with increased divorce rates, state legislatures started to enact statutes which granted grandparents some rights to seek court-enforced time with their grandchildren, even against the wishes of the grandchild's parents. The circumstances under which grandparents could seek grandparenting time, and the nature and amount of grandparenting time which could be made available, varied from state to state.

In 2000, in the case of "Troxel v Granville", the United States Supreme Court addressed the issue of third party rights to seek court-enforced time with children. Within this context, a "third party" is somebody other than the child's parents. The Washington State statute examined in Troxel was not technically a "grandparenting time" statute, as it allowed “[a]ny person” to petition for visitation rights “at any time”. The Supreme Court had little difficulty in determining that the Washington statute was overbroad. While the Troxel opinion is a "plurality" decision, meaning that there is no single opinion of the court which was signed by a majority of the Justices, the decision made clear that there were certain prerequisites that grandparenting time statutes must meet in order to be constitutional. Six Justices joined opinions holding the Washington statute to be unconstitutional. While there can be significant divergence of opinion with regard to what Troxel means, many practitioners believe that it requires...

To read this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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Developing a Successful Joint Child Custody Arrangement

You've finally got your divorce decree and you feel you can now breathe a big sigh of relief. You may even be thinking, "no more lawyers, no more negotiations -- I can finally get on with my life without him/her." For the most part, you are right -- your professional relationship with your family lawyer is over, and you are now in a better position to make decisions about your future. However, here's the rub! As a parent in a joint custody arrangement, your relationship with your ex spouse will continue as long as your children are part of your lives.

This reality check often comes as a huge shock to newly divorced couples. After all, the reason they chose to dissolve their marriages is because they didn't get along and wanted to go their separate ways. What now! The good news is, there is life after divorce, especially for a joint custodial parent. The challenge for couples however, is to redefine their relationship and learn ways of developing cooperative co-parenting plans based on their shared concerns for their children.

In redefining a relationship, former spouses need to make some important shifts in thinking and feeling. An area of difficulty for many is making the shift from being emotionally married to being emotionally divorced; moving from a relationship based on intimacy to one that is more businesslike in nature. The major problems lie in the area of personal boundaries. People make the mistake of feeling that they still have the same call on each other as they did while married. For example, an ex wife may feel she is still entitled to know with whom her ex husband has lunch or whether he continues to hold season tickets to the Moose games. Likewise, an ex husband may feel he can still comment on his ex wife choice of clothing or how she wears her hair. Once divorced, these issues should clearly be no concern to either ex-partner. When couples are able to make this shift in thinking and feeling, the old buttons that could easily be pushed, no longer work. The emotional divorce is then complete.

To read this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




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