Friday, February 12, 2010


Getting divorced does not mean you will never have a mate again. But it can feel that way when Valentine’s Day rolls around and your friends gush about their romantic dates.

Even though your marriage did not work out, there are ways to improve the odds of finding a compatible companion. Many licensed marriage and family therapists say one key to finding a mate with whom you can build a strong and successful relationship is not feeling rushed to pair up by an artificial deadline.

Judy Rader, a licensed marriage and family therapist with the Council for Relationships ( in the Delaware Valley of Pennsylvania, teaches students in her class “Single Dating & Reconnecting” to clear their heads and think about their needs as they meet potential mates. “The point is if you pressure yourself to find a mate by a time limit, you are not going to think as clearly as you should and you may settle,” Rader said.

So if you are recently divorced, finding a new mate by this Valentine’s Day probably isn’t realistic. But here are nine tips to keep in mind if the holiday puts you in the mood to start looking for love again.

1. Learn to feel comfortable with being alone. Ruthy Kaiser, another licensed marriage and family therapist with the Council for Relationships, said to recognize that loneliness drives some people to couple. Don’t rush into a partnership just for the sake of having a mate, she said.

2. Look to different types of relationships to meet your desire for companionship or other needs. Kaiser said, “Develop a strong support system with friends of the same sex so you have your needs met elsewhere and there not this disproportionate need to seek a mate.” This allows you to look upon having a partner as a nice addition to your life instead of a necessity.
Written by Charlotte Hale
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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at


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