Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Seeking Divorce in a Down Economy

Divorce is a difficult and gut-wrenching decision that would keep anyone up in the middle of the night. In today's tough economic times, when one spouse may depend heavily on another spouse for financial support, or a couple is saddled with a mountain of debt, the decision to end a marriage or domestic partnership can seem particularly difficult, even if the marriage has become intolerable.

Regardless of how bad the economy is, or how broken a couple's finances are, it's important for a couple to understand that they do have options and that staying in a broken marriage does not have to be one of them. Spouses who stay at home or earn less than their counterparts may feel they are at a terrible disadvantage in this economy as unemployment rates climb. But there are options, and there are ways to prevent one person from carrying the entire debt load from the marriage.

Anyone considering divorce, with or without significant debt, should speak with an attorney experienced in family law, as well as tax law. It is important to understand all the consequences any type of debt discharge will have, not only in terms of the divorce, but also in terms of a couple's financial and tax obligations, according to FindLaw.com, a leading online source for legal information. Going through a divorce is difficult enough without the Internal Revenue Service notifying you that you owe taxes on unreported income or are being audited.

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

What is Child Support And What Are My Rights And Responsibilities

“Child Support” is a culmination of a number of things:

A child’s food; housing; clothing and daily care; these are also known as Basic Support.
The other aspect of child support is day care or child care costs for taking care of your child when you are unavailable, e.g. at work. This is Child Care Support
And the cost of health and dental insurance for your child is known as Medical Support.
These three items, Basic Support, Child Care Support and Medical Support, combined, make up Minnesota’s definition of Child Support.

You can get a child support order as part of divorce proceeding, child custody case, Order For Protection (OFP) hearing, paternity or even legal separation proceeding.

To view this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Your Divorce Attorney

There are many factors that lead to divorce – cheating, financial problems, emotional disconnects. But when a divorce is imminent, the reason behind it is often put aside in order to deal with the difficult process that lies ahead.

The typical first step in the legal termination of a marriage is for both parties to find a divorce lawyer (or divorce attorney). A skilled divorce attorney can guide you through all the legal processes that go along with dissolving a marriage. He or she will also have your best interests in mind, should issues such as child custody, property division or spousal support arise.

More importantly, a good divorce attorney can help you maintain composure during a difficult time, and can help relieve the pressure of the situation. With the right divorce attorney, you won’t have to focus on the legalities of the situation, and you’ll be able to focus on your own well-being instead.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Love, Kids and Divorce

One of the hardest things to know as a parent, is when to call it quits with our partner. We tolerate more than we should from each other so that we can keep it together for the sake of the kids, yet they see us growing more distant and miserable each day, with no resolution or peace in sight.

Our patterns of negative communication erode our sensitivity and compassion for each other, stunting our children’s emotional and communication development, yet there we stay, unwilling to face the truth that our marriage is a disaster. Women who repeatedly ask to be heard, secretly believe that if he would just do this or that, then she, too, would change and the relationship would be fixed. She keeps pleading for a better life, hoping her efforts will get him to make the changes so they can keep the family together. He claims he just wants her to just stop harassing him for more of what he can’t seem to give, and feels that no matter what he tries, it is never enough to please her. The relationship becomes a day to day battle to be heard and validated, and in trying to achieve the minimum of respect, we grow tired, irritated, and withdrawn.

The melt down begins deep inside, then slowly deteriorates everything good about you as a couple, leaving nothing positive for your children to learn from. The children absorb the toxicity and loneliness without being able to express that the normalized tension is slowly killing them on the inside; they want to run just like you do, yet they are trapped by age and dependency. Our unwillingness to change our lives and our internal dialogue holds them back; our inability to say “Enough!” is killing our children’s power and leading them to develop harmful behaviors and destructive relationships later in their own lives.

Regardless, the one question that lingers is, “How do I know when to leave?” What we are really asking is how much do I have to take before leaving is justified? In our hearts, we see giving up as harming the kids more than them living in turmoil or silence. We pick from the left overs of love to get through one more lousy day of resentment while the kids experience chaotic love as normal love~so what has anyone gained?

We all want someone else to step in and make the big decision because we don’t want to be the one who ruined the family or hurt the kids~but really, that has already been handled. We go to counseling secretly waiting for the middle-man to tell us what we can’t tell ourselves. We play the game, drag out the drama, and waste years. The suggested changes never work or last because our heart left the relationship long ago, and what we are really after is a supportive nudge in the direction of divorce.

The permission seeking proves we see divorce as a negative, hurtful thing, but divorce does not have to be seen as a failure any more; those days are long gone. Staying in chaos is the real failure~and it negatively affects children for good. If you are staying together just for the kids, be cautious. Your children need for you to protect them from emotional, developmental, or psychological harm caused by exposure to consistently bad, destructive, abusive, or lacking unions. Long term exposure to bad love is deeply harmful to children. Staying in chaos tells them, “this is love,” and it blows their radar for reading destructiveness right out of the window. Things don’t need to get physical, children don’t have to have major emotional or reactionary issues for you to know that your relationship needs to be over for their gain.

When you position divorce as a good solution, it becomes one. Kids can see it as an extension of your love for them, not as a destroyer of the family. It can teach them that when something isn’t right, you fix it, and you feel the pain of doing the right thing in spite what you want or wish.

Make the decision with dignity, respect, and love for your family in mind. Remove your judgment about what is “right” or “wrong” and look at your children. Tap into what they are learning from what you model, and ask yourself what it must feel like for them when you, an adult, are having a hard time coping with the day to day sadness, emptiness, and stress.

You are allowed to leave each other and you are allowed to see divorce as a good solution. Leaving a relationship that can’t grow teaches your kids how to create success in the face of difficulty. Hopefulness is only great when it is applied to hopeful situations. Try to determine what the most consistent theme of your relationship has been. If the relationship has been in the same cycle for years, you know all you need to know.

To make the leap, take some time to come to terms with the idea that divorce is not what you wanted, but it could be what you and your children need. Plan it in your mind; visualize little details that will make it a success and see your children appreciating your decision, then plan for it like you would plan for a wedding.
Written by Teagin Maddox

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Before and After Divorce

Here are some questions to get you thinking about what you are trying to create for yourself. Create a portrait of your experience of your life as a BEFORE and AFTER picture. What would it look like?

BEFORE

• How would you describe your most common emotional state in your day-to-day existence?
• What “sets you off”, makes you upset or frustrated, and how does it do that?
• What do you worry about?
• What is preventing you from doing what you love?
• What does your inner voice tell you about what you should be doing differently to make yourself happy or to make your life more agreeable?
• Is there an image or a word that occurs to you that describes your current state of mind and way of living?

AFTER

• How would you like to feel on a day-to-day basis?
• What activities do you wish you had more time or energy to engage in?
• If you could write your ideal description of your life from another person’s view, what would that be?
• What qualities and character traits do you wish that others associated with you when they think about you?
• If you could change three things about your occupation or the way you spend your time each day, what would they be?

Now, begin bringing these qualities into your life a bit at a time … If you can’t hire a coach, find a friend and do it together.

Good luck!
Written by Cynthia Dow and Susan Drumm


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Class Helps Divorced Parents Work Together for Kids' Sake

One man’s ex-wife denies him access to their 10-year-old child out of spite. A woman’s 9-year-old daughter has taken on the adult role of peacemaker and mediator, passing messages between father and mother.

The stories told during a recent Saturday morning class at the Gainesville Civic Center spoke to the biggest underlying problems between divorced parents that affect their children: a lack of communication and unwillingness to work together for the best interest of the child.

“Joint legal custody does not work unless the parents cooperate and communicate,” said Arline Kerman, a lawyer and educational psychologist who led the frustrated parents through discussions. “The main issue that these parents need to address is the best interests of the child, rather than focus on their own negative feelings they have toward one another.”

To view this article in its entirety, click here.


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Helping Your Child Feel Secure and Loved Through Divorce

Divorce is traumatic for everyone involved. Adults know that change doesn’t necessarily mean things are going to get worse, and often, change is the beginning of something better.

However, children don’t have the life experience to know this and often feel that change brings the “bad” and “scary” unknown. Discussing divorce with your children using their dominant sense can help them assimilate the information in a positive way. The aim is to keep their best interests at heart and have them feel secure, safe and loved.


Watch visual cues

Approach visual children through what they see; they will need to see that mom and dad are happier. Appeal to them with things they like to see, then allow them to draw the separation. Make sure any interaction you have with your ex visually is positive, which means no frowning, eye-rolling or dirty looks. Your visual child will notice every little expression. Try keeping wedding rings on a bit longer: this is a symbol of unity and your child will notice it’s gone. When you’re ready, replace it with one you pick out with your child, or move it to another finger.

To read this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

What is the First Thing to Say When You Want a Divorce?

Breaking the news to your spouse that you want a divorce is rarely easy. For most divorcing couples, arriving at the decision to divorce is not often mutual. Usually, one spouse wants to make the marriage work, while the other spouse wants to end the marriage in divorce. As well, most people who are divorcing would agree that even though they dislike the conflict and know that divorce is the right answer, they also have some positive feelings toward their spouse. Not wanting to hurt their spouse, makes breaking the news that you want a divorce very difficult.

How to Make "Getting a Divorce" Go Smoothly

There is no easy way to announce to your spouse that you want to end a marriage. Based on my years of experience working with divorcing couples, I have found that the best route is the most direct one. If you have children between you, then you need to keep in mind that your relationship as parents will continue after divorce. With that in mind, it is important that you keep lines of communication open and pave the way for the most workable parenting relationship possible.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

THE "CUSTODY BATTLE" SOLUTION

Research on the outcomes of divorce clearly shows that a child's post divorce adjustment is DIRECTLY RELATED to the duration and intensity of their parents' divorce conflict. (Wallerstein & Blakesley, 1989)

Now what does that tell you as a divorcing parent who may be caught in a custody battle?

This means that as long divorcing parents keep on squabbling, their children will continue to experience stress and react to the tension and acrimony in the family during the divorcing process.

The solution to this divorce related problem depends on whether parents are willing to place the needs of their children ahead of their own hostility toward each other.

Your children don't deserve to be caught in the middle of your custody dispute. Here's a way to end your custody battle and protect your children's interests as well!

Children of divorcing parents deserve to have as little disruption to their lives as possible. They also deserve to be free from their parents' divorce related conflict.

Divorcing parents can make sure this happens by developing an EFFECTIVE PARENTING PLAN.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Addictions, Codependency and Family Functioning

Although my client base is self selecting and not representative of the general population, I am still amazed and distressed at the frequency with which addictions are part of my clients' lives.

When I first started out in private practice, I relied primarily upon formal diagnostic criteria (DSM-IV) as a means to identify the presence of an addiction. The DSM-IV provides a sound measure of substance abuse and dependence that is based on the frequency, amount and history as well as the substance's impact on a person's life. On its own, it provides a very acceptable way of assessing one aspect of an addiction problem.

Over the years, I have found that these criteria miss an important element in the addiction process; the impact a substance and/or an activity (and the resulting behavior) has on the family system.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

The Power of Healing: Recovery from Childhood Sexual Abuse

There are few experiences more devastating or more capable of inflicting long term suffering than the fallout of sexual abuse. It robs children of their innocence, their security, their sense of self and their trust in others. It quashes young spirits, and drains them of the essence of childhood joy, pleasure and freedom. And over time, it colors survivors' futures with anger, fear, disdain and self hatred.. It robs people of the ability to view life from any perspective other than with a tainted lens. And when the pain becomes too unbearable, many survivors of sexual abuse turn to drugs, alcohol, self mutilation and even suicide as a means of escape. The wounds of sexual abuse are not easily recognized nor are their effects readily understood because much of the silent suffering that transpires, resides deep with the human spirit.

The metaphor of a festering sore provides a useful way of describing the emotional wounds of sexual abuse and makes it easier to grasp the effects of sexual abuse.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Treatment Strategies for Children of Divorce

As much as getting divorced is difficult and stressful for husbands and wives, it is particularly distressing for their children. Because children lack the maturity, wisdom and experience of adults (and being out of the information loop), this limited ability to comprehend their parents' divorce can be both frightening and anxiety provoking to them.

From a child's perspective their parents' divorce represents a complete dismantling of a reality they once knew - even if that reality was filled with their parents' constant arguing and disagreements. Moreover, their distress is further heightened by observing the same in their parents as they react to the change in their relationship and circumstances.

Children's responses to their parents' divorce are quite variable. Some children act out while others internalize their upset. But one thing is for sure, it does not go unnoticed or without consequence.

The research on children's adjustment to divorce is pretty clear in stating that the first six months following seperation is a period marked by acute distress and disruption. However, for most children, a new "normal" is established in their lives within a year. Children's adjustment to divorce (both positive and negative) is largely influenced by their parents' conduct. The rule of thumb in this regard is - as soon as the parents settle down, so will the children.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Married Women Seeking Affair

Infidelity statistics reveal that 45% of married women are having extramarital affairs (Atwood & Schwartz,2002). These figures clearly indicate there are a whole lot of married women seeking affairs. The first questions that come to mind are - who are these women and why do they stray from their relationships or marriages? Given that the research suggests that almost half of all married women are having extramarital affairs, there is a pretty good chance that you may know some of the married women seeking affairs.

The fact of the matter is that infidelity is very wide spread. With all of modern technology, having an extramarital affair today is made much easier than in the past. With cell phones, text messaging and chatrooms, there is more opportunity for people to have affairs. But since the prevalence of infidelity has only recently become a research interest, it is difficult to say with any certainty whether infidelity is actually on the rise or if people are just more willing to talk about it. The undisputed reality is - extramarital affairs are occuring with great frequency and regularity.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Key Indicators of Extramarital Affairs

If you have been on the receiving end of cheating or infidelity, then you probably wished you could have seen the extramarital affair coming. And most likely, looking back, you know all too well that the indicators of extramarital affairs were present - except you just chose to overlook them.

If you are correct in your suspicions, it may be too late to save your relationship, but it will not be too late to save your self respect. Finding out that your spouse has been cheating, will also give you some control over the situation and the ability to make choices and decisions that could otherwise not be available to you. On the other hand, if your suspicions prove to be false, then now is the opportunity to take a hard look at your relationship and evaluate what needs to be done to improve it.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Oprah Winfrey Show Episodes: The Clara Harris Sentence

The Clara Harris Sentence - Oprah Winfrey is an incredible television host and interviewer. She shows tremendous versatility in the range of topics she presents and the variety of people she has interviewed over the years. Oprah always seems to know exactly what questions to ask and how to get the most out of her interviews. She did just that during her interview with Clara Harris, the Texas woman who was found guilty of murdering her husband after she learned that he was having an extramarital affair.

In discussing the Clara Harris sentence and the issues that led to her conviction, Oprah provided Clara Harris an opportunity to explain her side of the story. Early on during the interview, it became clear that Clara Harris's behavior was prompted by the shock and devastation she experienced when she found out that her husband was having an extramarital affair with a co-worker.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Divorce and Effects on Children

Divorce is a very difficult time of life and it is not one that many would opt to experience. Most people who have been through the divorcing process will readily acknowledge that it is stressful, expensive and often, emotionally painful. Divorce is often filled with conflict, uncertainty and change.

An added source of stress for people getting divorced is the presence of children. Thus in addition to dealing with their own distress, parents are faced with the upset that their children experience as well. Because no two children or situations are alike, their reactions to their parents' divorce varies. Much depends on children's ages, temperaments and personal circumstances. However, the greatest influence on children's adaptation to divorce is their parents' conduct and attitude. Children are very responsive and reactive to the level of conflict that extists between their parents.
What the Research Says About Children's Adjustment to Divorce

Research on children's adjustment to divorce is clear in noting that the first six months post separation is a challenging time for families and the most difficult on children.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Parental Alienation Syndrome: The Problem

The Parental Alienation Syndrome (P.A.S.) is the extreme end of a custody battle gone "real bad". P.A.S. is a most negative consequence of an increasing number of high conflict divorces. In these cases, children become the victims of a relentless and destructive "tug of war" between their parents. It is a war that children cannot win or defend themselves against. It is a war where the "enemy" (the alienating parent) is someone whom the children dearly love and depend upon for their needs to be met. For children, PAS is about loss, insecurity, fear, confusion, sadness, hopelessness and despair. In fact, some experts consider PAS to be a form of child abuse because:

it robs children of the security provided by the bond they once shared with the targeted parent
it embeds in children’s minds falsehoods about the targeted parent that are injurious to their own psyche and their sense of self (i.e., "Mom/Dad never really loved you"; "Mom/Dad is dangerous"; "Mom/Dad has done inappropriate things to you").
the process of aligning children against the targeted parent often involves threats, lies, manipulations, deprivation and even physical abuse.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Practicing Forgiveness

"Forgiveness is about your inner peace, not the other person. Forgiving eases you from negative baggage."
- Salsamisa

Forgiving someone is one of the best things you can do. It frees you up to spend your valuable time, energy, and other resources are producing fantastic new relationships, creating more happiness, and reaching your goals.

Picture a guy dragging his leg as he’s walking because his leg is attached to an iron ball and chain. This is what happens to us psychologically when we don’t forgive and when we drag along grudges with us. Have you ever held a grudge? Boy, I know I have. I used to be a world champion grudge holder. I might’ve even made the “Hall of Shame For Holding Grudges”. And it was the biggest burden to drag along with me on this journey of life.

So what happens when you cut the chains, free yourself of grudges, and practice forgiveness?
Well, instead of trudging along the highway of life with all these voluntary burdens that we’re carrying, we’re sprinting down the road of life with more love, laughter, and joy in our lives. Does this sound like a plan you’d like to sign up for? Well then, do it!

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Rebuilding Your Self Esteem After Divorce

A person's self esteem usually takes a beating during the divorce process. To help rebuild your self confidence, you need to focus on your attitude. Attitude is simply a state of mind. By focusing on the positives in your life, you can begin to feel better about yourself and life in general.

Affirming What's Good - When your self esteem is in the dumps, it's easy to beat yourself up and think of yourself as a failure. Replace all those self-defeating thoughts with affirmations of the person you want to be. List the things that you are good at, recount your past successes, and remember what people have said about you that makes your self esteem soar. Use words like "happy, strong, smart, resilient, ambitious" or whatever image that you would like to see yourself as. Review this list often to build your self esteem. Remember......... “As you think, so shall you be”.

Thinking Positively - Along these same lines, replace your negative inner dialog of words such as “I can’t do it” or “I’m just no good” with self esteem building statements like “I can do it”, “I am successful”, or “I have what it takes”.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Summer Vacation Ideas for Divorced Parents

The following article talks about summer vacation ideas for divorced or separated parents. It will give you ideas to make the lazy days of summer less stressful and more fun for both you and your children.

Keeping Summer Vacation Fun

Kids wait all year for summer vacation. But when parents are divorced or separated, summer vacation becomes more complicated. Kids look forward to long days with their friends doing nothing. When they have a parenting schedule to live with, summer loses some of its fun. Your child needs to spend time with both parents - that's a given. So how do you keep the parenting schedule from messing up your child's summer dreams?


Plan around it

If you and your child dream of lazy days at the beach or crazy afternoons at an amusement park, plan your family's schedule around the parenting schedule. Try to work, clean the house, or do volunteer work while your child is with the other parent.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

When Your Ex Gets a Girlfriend After Divorce

What do you do when your ex gets a girlfriend? Life is starting to settle down and your kids are adjusting fairly well to the divorce, but before you can breath a sigh of relief, your ex gets a girlfriend. This certainly adds a different dimension to your children's lives, and you may be wondering how to deal with this new development. The article below approaches the subject with common sense and understanding, and gives you tips for dealing with the situation.

The girlfriend. She strikes terror in the heart of divorced mothers everywhere. When your ex gets a girlfriend it's challenging enough to deal with your own emotions, but when the girlfriend is suddenly a big part of your child's life, it's hard to know how to react.

If Your Kids Are Ga-Ga About the Girlfriend

If your child likes the girlfriend, you know that at least things aren't completely miserable during visitation. But just because your child is happy doesn't mean you're happy.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Keeping Rules the same in Both Houses

"But Dad always lets me stay up this late." "At Mom's house we don't have to take the garbage out." Sound familiar? Separation and divorce means two homes for your child, and too often that means two completely different sets of rules. It's hard enough for a kid to comply with one set of rules, but having two is a guarantee for confusion and disobedience from your kids and resentment and anger between parents.

If you and the other parent are going to parent together effectively, you've got to have a set of universal rules in place for your child that is in force at both homes. But you and the other parent are individuals. And obviously there are a lot of things you don't agree on. No kidding, right? So your two homes are going to be different and you're going to have different situations, different needs, and different circumstances when your kids are at each home. There are going to be differences in the way you parent. There should be. Your kids need both perspectives and both personalities. But they also need to know that they are living under the same basic set of expectations at each home.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Long Distance and Out of State Visitation

Coping with long distance and out of state visitation issues is becoming more common as people relocate after their divorce. While a standard visitation schedule is not practical in these situations, there are ways to enable quality contact with the non-custodial parent.

Visitation times might include fall and spring breaks, part of the Christmas vacation, and extended visitation during the summer vacation. You can also come to an agreement concerning Thanksgiving and Easter, such as the child getting to spend alternate holidays with each parent.

Transportation methods and costs for out of state visitation are something that should be decided on in advance. By adding this information to your parenting plan, you can help prevent confusion and disagreements later down the road. If you and your ex will live relatively close to each other, both of you can drive half-way to exchange your child.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Coping As a Non- Custodial Parent

Being a non-custodial parent presents a whole new set of challenges. Where once, you were totally involved in you child's life on a day to day basis, now your time together is ruled by the calendar. While it can be very frustrating to cope with, all is not lost, and you can still be an important part of your child's life. Below are some tips to help you make the best of your current situation.

Non-Custodial Coping

If your divorce or custody case resulted in a situation in which you are not the residential, primary, or custodial parent, you might be upset or not completely comfortable with this situation. Whether you are a man or a woman, there are lots of other parents in your shoes and there are ways to make the best of the situation.



Understand Your Rights As A Non-custodial Parent

The first thing you must do is completely understand what your rights are under your custody order. When can you see your child?

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Understanding Divorce Mediation

Divorce mediation is an effective alternative to court litigation for resolving disputes that arise as two people separate their lives. A mediator, acting as an impartial third party, helps couples work through the issues of their divorce to reach a mutually agreeable settlement. This is a voluntary process which allows couples to retain control over the outcome of their divorce.



What Does A Mediator Do?

The mediator helps couples identify the issues that need to be resolved, and guides each through the decision making process. The mediator remains neutral and helps keep the negotiations flowing, in order to reach an agreeable resolution for both parties.

What Are The Benefits Of Using This Approach?

It is less adversarial, time-consuming, and costly than battles waged in a courtroom. The details of your private life are kept confidential, and the emphasis is shifted towards settling disputes, as compared to finding fault. Individuals also have more control over the process, and open communication is encouraged. When couples work towards a mutual agreement, the likelihood of future cooperation is improved, and both sides can feel comfortable with the outcome.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

The Bifurcated Divorce

What is a bifurcated divorce? It is the division of a divorce case into two or more parts. For example, the marital status of a couple can be terminated by the court while settlement issues such as child custody, support, alimony, and property division are decided at a later date. It can also be an option when a couple agrees on everything but one specific issue, such as determining the division of a business or the custody of a child.

You'll usually hear about this type of divorce in connection with high profile marriages, but ordinary people can use this option as well.

Why would someone want a bifurcated divorce?

Because some divorce cases can take months to resolve, a couples may seek to have their divorce divided in order to have their marital status changed as soon as possible. This may be the case when:

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Single Parenting in the Summer

During the school year it can be difficult enough for single parents to keep kids cared for and out of trouble, but when summer arrives and school activities are no longer available, the challenge becomes even more complicated. Many single parents are left with the dilemma of being happy about extra time with their children but also the concern about what to do with them while they are at work. The following are some practical tips to assist single parents during those long three months:

1. Let kids help in finding solutions. Give your child the opportunity to contribute when plans are being made for the out-of-school months. Model and let them participate in problem solving skills. Write down all possible solutions (theirs too) and write the pros and cons of each. Children cope better with complicated scheduling if they feel they have had some input. Let them help in writing out a schedule.

2. Make sure young children have fun, interesting people to spend time with. Grandparents or an aunt or uncle who really love kids can be a treat for your child; a parent of one of their friends can provide peer interaction as well as adult supervision. Summer school teachers or camp counselors can also contribute positive interactions to your children.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Co-Parenting in Divorce for the Children's Sake

Most divorcing parents are concerned about the impact of the divorce on their children. In fact, many people either delay or completely forego divorce out of fear of its impact on children. While there is no question that divorce impacts children, divorcing parents can take constructive measures to lesson the impact and to encourage resiliency in their children.

One key time for children is the actual separation of the parents. Parents can lesson the adverse impact by adequately and forthrightly informing the children about what is happening. Many parents mistakenly think that they should keep information from the children. When they ask me if they should tell their children about the marital problems, I reply, "They already know." I go on to explain that the parents are the very center of their children's universe and they are very aware of what is going on in their universe. To try and keep matters from them in hopes of protecting them is probably foolhardy. But, this being said, I recommend parents consult with a child development specialist about how to communicate with children, given their age, gender, attachment to parents and maturity. Chinn & Associates also has some reference materials which will be sent to you upon request.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Child Custody Move-Away Issues

When a custodial parent in a child custody proceeding requests a move-away order from the court allowing him/her to move a significant distance that would interfere with the noncustodial parent's visitation and his/her contact with the children, this is commonly referred to as a move-away case. A move-away case is one of the most difficult cases for the family courts to hear, because the request by the custodial parent to move away with his/her children often has a negative impact on the frequent and continuous contact the children will have with the noncustodial parent. Some jurisdictions are permissive in how they rule on move-away cases, and other jurisdictions are more restrictive.

States in which the statutory language and case law pertaining to move-away cases is more permissive may result in more permissive rulings. In such states, there may be a strong presumption that the parent that has primary physical custody of the children has the right to move away with the children, while the burden to prevent the move-away (by showing that the move-away is in bad faith or would be detrimental to the welfare of the children) rests squarely on the noncustodial parent. Further, states that are more permissive in move-away cases may not require the custodial parent to show that the move is expedient to the child's welfare, or even necessary. In other words, if the move-away is good for the custodial parent, then the move-away is presumed to automatically be good for the children.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Reducing Stress in Visitation Exchanges

As your divorce progresses, you may find that you actually feel better when you have less contact with your ex. If you do not have children together, this is not a difficult objective to obtain. However, if you are a parent then you are probably thrown together with your ex more often than you would like.

Whether contact with the other parent is sad or adversarial, here are a few creative strategies you can implement that will help diminish the repeatedly painful contact.

· If your children are of school age and you live in the same school district, visitation can commence with the children taking the school bus directly to their other home.

· If your children are pre-school age, then day care or nursery school may be an excellent place for visitation transition.

· Try a neutral family member's home as a transitional place. Bring your children there and pick up can commence after you leave.

· Utilize one of the big bookstore chains. Bring the children to the children's department and let them look at some books. Then you settle down in view of them with a frothy cappuccino until their other parent shows up.

· Try not to transfer kids in parking lots. They feel like cargo and there is always the chance for an unhealthy exchange between the two of you.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Friday, March 12, 2010

What Every Woman Needs to Know About Divorce

Are you considering divorce? I'm talking about quiet, sober consideration of a question, not the thoughts that flare up from the heated emotions that come right after an argument. Have you thought through the effects of a divorce, and come to the conclusion that you may want to act? If you have, there are things you should do right away If your husband has already filed before you, then you must act immediately. If not, you should take certain actions quickly, but not carelessly. The things you do now will affect every decision throughout the process, right down to the final decree.

If you have reached the point where divorce is a clear option, and particularly if you are considering an action that shows you mean to separate from your husband (if you are thinking of leaving, or asking him to move out), you should do the following before approaching your spouse:

Seven things you must do before approaching your husband about divorce:

Make copies of your husband's pay stubs for the past eight weeks.

Make copies of your joint tax returns for the past five years.

Copy all bank statements and documentation of stock accounts, IRAs, and pension plans.

Make copies of all of your monthly bills over the past three months. These should include mortgage statements, rent payments, utility bills, car payments, insurance premiums, children's expenses, medical expenses, and credit card statements.

Copy deeds to any properties owned jointly or in your husband's name.
Christina Rowe

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Dating While Divorcing

Is it okay if I go out on a date?" asked my client, "John". He had filed for divorce and taken his own apartment. "After fighting with my wife for two years, "I'd like be to be with someone who is glad to have me around."

I get this question all the time as a divorce attorney. And, my simple answer is always the same: "Not until your divorce is final." But, life is rarely simple. "John" was lonely and stressed out. Meeting someone new, feeling desirable again, and having fun struck him as a terrific idea. So, despite my cautions, and like many clients, "John" decided it "couldn't hurt" to accept a friend's offer to fix him up. Anticipating this, I gave "John" the do's and don'ts of dating before you are divorced.

Unfortunately, there is more that you shouldn't do than should, but first let's clarify what is meant by "dating". Legally, "dating" means one-on-one social contact with another person, typically the opposite sex. There is no distinction between platonic contacts and ones that are romantic or sexual, although from a practical standpoint, the romantic/sexual relationships are the ones that draw scrutiny and cause complications.

The reason divorce lawyers counsel against dating while the divorce is pending, even if separated, is that it has the potential to increase both the cost and the stress of the divorce trial. You are not supposed to date if you are married. Judges, however, rarely punish someone who begins dating - sexually or otherwise - once they have physically separated from their spouse.
Cynthia Moseley Fox, Esq.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Why Do Married People Have Affairs?

INTRODUCTION:
Since January first of 1981 (my first day of practice as a divorce mediator), rarely does a working day go by without a client mentioning an affair. I don't hear about an affair. Sitting at my round mediation table with the divorcing couple, I listen as an angry spouse bitterly condemns the betrayal of their partner. Simultaneously, I notice the heavy silence from the one who's had (or having) the affair. Rarely are there protestations of innocence nor are any reasons offered to the inevitable questions hurled by their spouse. I sit and wonder, wanting to know how I can help. I want to know what causes a married spouse to have an affair.

Carol's Story:
Recently, a friend of mine, Carol, visited me in Boston. We had dinner at one of those quaint, outside restaurants on Newbury Street. Well-dressed passers-by and new lovers provided our backdrop. I told Carol of my interest in knowing why married men and women have affairs. Carol coughed politely and squirmed. I waited to hear what she had to say. Carol told me her story. Ten years earlier, when she was thirty-nine, "My husband was ignoring me. Not big-time, mind you, but we'd been married for a while, and other things had his attention, especially those damn TV sports. It started to bother me a lot. I read the right books, even tried to liven things up, you know, candlelight dinners, sexy lingerie, and all. I even saw a therapist." She looked at me, chagrined. "Funny, huh? See, I didn't want a divorce, I just wanted Sam to change, but he didn't. His baseball-watching drove me crazy. One day I went to a friend's 40th birthday party. Sam had begged off, and I was irritated enough to go alone. Let him have his game. This guy stared at me right away. Anyway, all night long he paid a lot of attention to me. As I was leaving, Richard asked for my number. I felt scared, but I was excited when I gave it to him. Two days later he called me. We started sleeping together right away. It was great, but it ended in a short while. I was afraid of getting caught. He was so sweet. One night, what else is new, Sam had his TV game on watching a baseball game, of course. I was in the kitchen cleaning up when I heard Richard's voice. It startled me--hearing his voice. I waited for the camera to focus on the speaker, and, sure enough, it was Richard. I sat down and watched the rest of the game. Sam kept looking over at me, like I'd lost my mind, but, true to character, he never mentioned it."
Diane Neumann

To read this article in its entirety, click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

FAQs About Mediation to Marriage

Mediation to Stay Married (also known as Marital Mediation) is a method of helping couples who are experiencing marital problems and would prefer to stay together rather than get divorced.

How does Mediation to Stay Married work?

The couple sees a trained mediator (often but not always a practicing attorney), who uses short-term dispute resolution techniques to provide help to the couple to break impasses and permit the marriage to move forward. Mediation to Stay Married does not seek to delve deeply into the past or root psychological issues of the couples or the individuals. Through Mediation to Stay Married, the couple can develop concrete plans or modes of action that can be helpful to address their marital problems.

What is the difference between Mediation to Stay Married and marital counseling?

Marital counseling is performed by a mental health professional and involves therapeutic insights. While very useful to many couples at some times during their marriage, many times a couple finds that marital counseling does not help. Often this is for reasons having nothing to do with the skill of the marriage counselor or the integrity of the process. Mediation to Stay Married is a practical method that relies on dispute resolution techniques and legal-based knowledge. Mediation to Stay Married can sometimes help people move forward to the next step in their marriage.
Laurie Israel, Esq

To read this article in its entirety, please click here!


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Divorce Truths: The Decision to Divorce

TELLING YOUR SPOUSE

Few people decide to divorce without a considerable amount of soul searching. It is not unusual to spend many months or years before there is a comfort and confidence level to consult with an attorney. In fact, making the decision to divorce is the biggest of all your early decisions, but only the first of many yet to follow.

It may take your spouse months to adjust to the idea of an unwanted or unplanned divorce. The uncertainty to them can be overwhelming. They may need time to comprehend this life-altering change. Their acceptance is crucial for any expedited conclusion.

When clients first inquire about obtaining a divorce, I always ask if they have told their spouse. The most prevalent answer is "Yes, but they don't believe me because I have threatened to divorce them so many times before". Until your spouse is at the same emotional point you are, don't expect their cooperation, and certainly don't expect any support. Unfortunately, they may never be at the same emotional point you are. Their behavior throughout the divorce will influence the speed of the process and the outcome. The stress of a divorce can make an irrational personality even more irrational. It can even make a rational personality at times act irrational. Personalities don't change for the better in divorces.

BE RATIONAL

In the beginning, assuming you are in no physical or financial danger, there is nothing wrong with allowing your spouse time to adjust to the idea of divorce. It is not a sign of weakness not to rush to the courthouse.
Mary Ellen Cates

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Spousal Support Payments Can Be Tax Deductible

If properly structured in a Separation Agreement or Divorce Decree, spousal support payments or alimony payable to a former spouse under the Internal Revenue Code will be taxable to the payee and deductible by the payor. The payments must be by check, money order, or cash, pursuant to a divorce or Separation Agreement signed by the parties. The agreement or court Order cannot state that the payments are not taxable to the payee and not deductible to the payor. Additionally, the parties cannot be members of the same household and the liability to make such payments must cease on the death of the payee. The money must be paid to the spouse and cannot be paid as child support for the children. At the end of the year, the parties, if married, cannot file a joint income tax return. If these requirements are met, the payments can be deductible by the payor and will be included as taxable to the payee.

Although it seldom happens, another consideration exists concerning the Internal Revenue Code requirements which is that the payments cannot be "front-loaded" and decreased by more than a specified amount during the first three post separation years. If the payments do fall in this trap, it will result in a recapture of the excess payments to the payor in the third post separation year, resulting in devastating tax consequences. This very seldom happens, but can occur if someone drafts an agreement that attempts to be too clever in arranging payments and deductions in high income divorce cases. A violation can occur requiring the payor spouse to include the excess amount in gross income in the payor spouse's third post separation year. Such a result should be avoided whenever possible.
James H. Allison

To read this article in its entirety, kindly click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Unreported Income and Hidden Assets

Unreported income and hidden assets are often alleged in divorce proceedings, with the spouse who is not running the business claiming that unreported income should increase both the spousal support award and the valuation of the family business. In civil litigation, it is often a partner or shareholder that is alleging that someone in his business is hiding income. The process of finding and proving unreported income or hidden assets is often one of the most difficult assignments of a forensic professional, and the costs must be weighed carefully against the potential benefits. However, in some cases, the process is much easier than one might think, as the following case histories illustrate.

Example: Unreported Beer Sales

A large restaurant sold Southern food and beer, with the beer being sold in a prominent part of the restaurant. The beer sales were a major part of the business. The owner reported approximately $50,000 of annual income from the business, and yet he and his wife, drove expensive cars, their children attended private schools, and he was buying significant amounts of real estate.

Records of the local beer distributors were subpoenaed. Those records detailed exactly how much beer, and what types of beer (kegs, bottles, etc.) were sold to the restaurant during the prior two years. A member of our firm went to the restaurant, ordered a drink at the bar, and took note of all of the prices of the beer by type (Bud, Miller, regular, light, etc) and size (8 oz, 12 oz, etc.). The amount of beer purchased per the subpoenaed records of the beer distributor was then priced out. For example, if 1,000 cases of Miller ten ounce light were purchased each year, and each case held 24 bottles, and that item would sell in his restaurant for $2.00, then the sales for that item would amount to $48,000 per year.

To read this article in its entirety, kindly click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Taximony! How the Government Shares in Your Divorce

"Everything appears to promise that it will last; but in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes." So said Benjamin Franklin. While sometimes marriage also fails to meet the promise it will last, the taxman is eternal.

What are some of the tax concerns that divorcing couples might face? When there are children, two important factors to consider are the way child support payments are treated and the filing status of each parent.

Child support payments are not deductible by the paying parent and are not included in the income of the receiving parent. This is much different than spousal support where the paying spouse deducts the full amount of the payment and the receiving spouse includes the payments in income.

Filing status determines the tax rate each spouse will pay. Divorced spouses would typically file as "Individuals," with the highest tax rates. When there are children, there is a category called "Head of Household" which is closer to the reduced tax rates enjoyed by married couples. In order to qualify for "HH," a spouse must provide more than 50% of the costs to maintain his / her household; must be unmarried; and the household must be the primary residence for a qualifying individual (a child supported by the parents does qualify) that lives with the taxpayer more than one-half the year. It is possible, when there is more than one child, for both spouses to claim HH, providing each has physical custody for more than half the year.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Surviving Divorce & Separation: Letting Them Know You're Getting Divorced

Telling your family your marriage isn't working and that you are getting divorced can be?:

A) stressful
B) emotional
C) final
D) life-changing
E) all of the above, PLUS.

The answer is, all of the above. PLUS. "The PLUS" is the unexpected education in human nature you will receive when family and friends react to the news.

The children's reactions may not surprise you, because often they sense the end was coming and perhaps felt some relief.

Other family members, may make you feel like the devil. The news of your separation may be treated casually, but the word "d-i-v-o-r-c-e!"may changed their outlook.

To read this article in its entirety, click here!

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Divorce and Holidays: Don't Fowl Out

It's the holiday season and the big question is where do the kids go now that we are separated? The first holidays after separation can be unusually stressful. So many memories rise to the surface during holidays and tend to exaggerate feelings of loss. Caught between trying to hold onto traditions of the past and forging ahead into new and unknown territory, estranged parents are faced with negotiating competing family desires. Do we celebrate as a "family," even if we no longer are? What does mom tell her family that is pressuring her to "bring the kids" to their house? Same goes for dad. Should we ask the kids what they want?

Children will benefit most from parents that agree on priorities, follow simple communication rules, and plan ahead. Communication has two parts: sending and receiving information. We can all speak our piece, but to be heard requires cooperation. Rule 1: Make sure your message is delivered in a way the other parent is willing to listen. Rule 2: Good listening requires you be attentive AND reflect on the message being sent before responding. With these simple rules, finding a solution will be easier. So, what's the ideal arrangement? While there is no absolute correct answer, there are several factors worthy of consideration.

The ages and developmental stages of the children are an important factor. Younger children should not be put into the position of choosing and facing divided loyalties. Older children's input may be invited, but should not be decisive. History may be important. Is there a tradition about past holidays at one family's home or another? Keeping life somewhat routine in the beginning may be grounding for the children.
Dana Schutz, MA, LMFT and Irving Zaroff, JD, LMFT

To read this article in its entirety, please click here!

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Summertime, Vacation and Visitation. Take Care of Luggage, Not Baggage ...

Most of us look forward to summertime and vacations with our children. So, why is it that divorce can turn the golden months into tarnished experiences? Aside from the too often intrusive emotional baggage, divorce brings an abundance of add-on complications.

Work schedules and childcare are impacted with children out of school. Non-traditional school years need to be taken into account with vacation planning for two households. Conflicts in schedules and other commitments of parents burden vacation planning. Parents must also consider accommodating opportunities for children and their friends (i.e., spending time with friends and their families).

Two key principles in the law (and in common sense) are for decisions to be in the best interests of the child and promoting an ongoing and continuous relationship with each parent. Keeping these principles in mind is key toward their achievement. In addition, parents benefit from good communication, a willingness to be flexible, and thoughtful planning.
Dana Schutz, MA, LMFT and Irving Zaroff, JD, LMFT

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Custody and Visitation - What do Those Words Actually Mean, in Layman's Terms?

In the past, custody always went to the mom and dad got visits every other weekend. Views have changed over the years. Studies are showing that children benefit more when both parents are active in their lives. Dads are taking proactive roles in their children's lives and this is changing the dynamics of custody and visitation.

Custody to some people is awarded to the parent who cares more about the children and visiting goes to the parent who cares less. Nothing is further from the truth. All that matters is what is best for the children. These two words Custody and Visitation are highly emotional and explosive leading to many court battles and the wasting of thousands of dollars.

Custody and Visitation are legal terms. When discussing parenting, first decide what is best for your kids, then who will have them at certain times and why, and lastly what each parents time will be called.

However Custody and Visitation must be classified when there are parenting concerns with one of the parents (i.e.: Domestic Violence, Drug and Alcohol use, ever changing work schedules, parent moving out of state) We are here to do what is best for your children, taking every issue into account when putting together custody and visitation plans.
Brian James, C.E.L. and Associates

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.

For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Parents Living in Different States

1. What happens when a couple has a child and they both live in different states?

When parents who live in two different states and they want to make their custody arrangement into a formal court order, or when they need to resolve a dispute about custody or visitation parenting time, then it may be very difficult to determine which state court should handle the case. In short, the critical question is which state should have jurisdiction. The travel costs for the parties could be a critical factor.

In custody cases jurisdiction depends mostly upon the following:

* Do any court orders already exist?
* Where does the child presently live?
* Where has the child lived before this time?

2. What does the term home state mean?

If no court has ever entered an order to determine custody or visitation, then the general rule is that a court in the state where the child (and one parent or caregiver) has lived for the last six months is the state court that should resolve the case. If the child is less than six months old, then the state where the child was born and has lived since birth has jurisdiction. This is called the child's home state.

3. What state should have jurisdiction over custody and parenting issues if the child has no home state?

If the child has not lived in one state since birth or for the last six months, then he has no home state. When there is no home state, then the courts consider which state is most able to resolve the case. The courts analyze the significant connections between the child and the state. For example, the state that is home to the child's relatives, teachers, or doctors, who may be potential witnesses if a trial is necessary, has significant connections.

When there is no home state, a state's court can choose to assume jurisdiction if:

Information provided by:
Theodore Sliwinski, Esq.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Practical Tips on Parental Conduct During and Following Divorce

* Put your children's welfare first. Never use your children as a weapon against your spouse.
* Be sure your children have ample time with the other parent. They need it.
* Don't introduce your children to your new romantic partner until the children have adjusted to your separation and your new relationship is stable.
* Don't bring your children to court or to your lawyer's office.
* Keep to the schedule. Give the other parent and the children as much notice as you can when you will not be able to keep to the schedule.
* Be considerate.Be flexible. You may both need to adjust the schedule from time to time.
* Giving of yourself is more important than giving material things. Your children need your consistent love and attention.
* Do not use your children as spies to report to you about the other parent.
* Do not use the children as couriers to deliver messages, money or information.
* Try to agree on decisions about the children, especially matters of discipline, so that one parent is not undermining the other parent's efforts.
* Avoid arguments or confrontations while dropping off or picking up the children and at other times when your children are present.
* Don't listen in on your children's phone calls with the other parent.
* Maintain your composure. Try to keep a sense of humor. Remember that your children's behavior is affected by your attitude and conduct.
* Assure your children they are not to blame for the breakup, and are not being rejected or abandoned by either parent.
* Don't criticize the other parent in front of your children. Your children need to respect both parents.

Information provided by:
Debra J. Braselton, Esq.


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

Relocation and Time-Sharing

Unfortunately, many of us are related to or have friends who are divorced. Divorce brings about a restructuring of families in which parents have to continue to cooperate and communicate long after the dissolution of the marriage. One of the greatest challenges involves the relocation of the custodial parent after the divorce. One of the divorced parents usually goes from seeing their children on a daily basis to seeing their children on alternate weekends, holidays, and summertime. Relocation often requires that the time spent with both parents is even more diminished as a move can often mean seeing your children four times per year or less. This article will attempt to provide a thumbnail sketch of what is required to relocate in Florida in a manner which will hopefully make sense to both the family law practitioner, the non-family practitioner, and the layperson.

The big change with the new statue Section 61.13001 requires advance notice. Prior to the statute, a non-custodial parent usually found out on short notice that the custodial parent was moving and needed to obtain an emergency hearing which usually did not take place until after the custodial parent had already moved. Now, if the custodial parent is permanently moving more than 50 miles from the non-custodial parents home, a very technical notice must be given. This notice, among other things, must state the new address and phone number, the date of the move, the reason for the move, and a plan for new visitation arrangements. This notice provision applies to parents who are subject to an existing court order or who have a pending dissolution action. It does not have to be a divorce but can apply to any custody order involving children. This, however, does not mean that a person can just move away just because there is not an existing court order or pending dissolution action.

The big question that we will all be asked is what happens if you do not give notice. If notice is not given, the Court could hold the custodial parent in contempt, consider it to give the non-custodial parent custody of the children, consider it to not allow the move, or require that the children be returned. In short, a parent does not want to move without the other parent's written permission or Court Order. The problem is going to be, however, that unless you are a family law attorney or the procedure is spelled out in an existing Court Order, most people are not going to be aware of the requirements. Further, even if the requirements are known, the notice requirements are highly technical and will be difficult for a layperson to ensure compliance with the statute.

Information provided by:
Charles E. Willmott Esq.

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.
For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--

The Parenting Plan and the Teenager

In the process of a divorce with minor children, the parenting plan is among the most important tasks since it can have long-lasting consequences on both children and parents. Carefully considering the situation of parents and children is important to realize dividends later. While each situation is unique, some general observations are helpful. This is especially true when considering the teenage minor.

When a significant disruption occurs in the lives of children, one key concern is how it affects the child's mental, emotional and social development. Teenagers are generally in the process of developing many coping skills necessary for healthy adult living. Among these skills, are more complex relationship abilities, including self-image and tolerance for intimacy. Stunted development can lead to future problems in exercising good judgment in social relationships. The negative impact of divorce is often expressed in acting-out behaviors seen in academic and social arenas. Sudden and/or unusual changes in the teen's activities or peer groups may be signals for concern.

A thoughtful parenting plan includes systems of timely, appropriate communication between parents. The goal is to ensure the teen is getting support to master developmental milestones. Some of the risk factors include over-alignment with one parent, becoming the "confident" of a parent, or taking the role of a "parentified child" caring for younger siblings while the parent is struggling with the same life-changing challenges. Teens are separating and individuating toward defining an adult identity. Torn loyalties, or feelings of over-responsibility, are potential distractions from this task.

While divorce is a traumatic event in a child's life, the effects can be minimized, and at times used as an opportunity for growth. The following concepts can be helpful in creating a positive parenting plan for teenagers:

* Consider the teen's input into developing the custody arrangement
* Create appropriate means for communication about the children between parents without triggering old wounds
* Create a personal support system outside the family to process feelings of hurt, disappointment, betrayal, and anger
* Demonstrate positive respect for the other parent as a model to the children


Information provided by:
Dana Schutz, MA, LMFT and Irving Zaroff, JD, LMFT

To read this article in its entirety, please click here.


For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/




--