TELLING YOUR SPOUSE
Few people decide to divorce without a considerable amount of soul searching. It is not unusual to spend many months or years before there is a comfort and confidence level to consult with an attorney. In fact, making the decision to divorce is the biggest of all your early decisions, but only the first of many yet to follow.
It may take your spouse months to adjust to the idea of an unwanted or unplanned divorce. The uncertainty to them can be overwhelming. They may need time to comprehend this life-altering change. Their acceptance is crucial for any expedited conclusion.
When clients first inquire about obtaining a divorce, I always ask if they have told their spouse. The most prevalent answer is "Yes, but they don't believe me because I have threatened to divorce them so many times before". Until your spouse is at the same emotional point you are, don't expect their cooperation, and certainly don't expect any support. Unfortunately, they may never be at the same emotional point you are. Their behavior throughout the divorce will influence the speed of the process and the outcome. The stress of a divorce can make an irrational personality even more irrational. It can even make a rational personality at times act irrational. Personalities don't change for the better in divorces.
In the beginning, assuming you are in no physical or financial danger, there is nothing wrong with allowing your spouse time to adjust to the idea of divorce. It is not a sign of weakness not to rush to the courthouse.
Mary Ellen Cates
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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/